OCR Text |
Show THE ZEPHYR/OCTOBER-NOVEMBER 2008 — IF YOU WERE PREZ CATHERINE SHANK.. MOAB, UT My foundation of thought was greatly influenced by several cultural exchange programs to Latin America and graduate school where I had the awesome opportunity to live and theorize with people from continued - ‘untimely’ death ~ all over the world. mistaking fantasy for reality pulling rank and/or manipulating people pretending you're smarter than you are pretending you’re dumber than you are war kind of “homeland security” would eliminate survival issues, and free up the energy that could inspire all kinds of possibilities for creative solution and problem solving. *If I wuz Prezident*, here’’s what i’’D do — 1. Release anybody in any jail who’s sitting thar for smoking marijuana. Send me the evidence bein held by the police. 2. Get rid of the EPA in a New York minute. Don’t like pollution? Make it a nuisance to pollute. Keep yer pee outta my river! 3. Declare open season on anybody wearing a tie. 4. Get a compooter to replace the Subprime Cort. 5. Order the Army to blow up the Glen Canyon damn. Whats a Commander in Cheef for? 6. Take all that corn bein used in SUV gas tanks and make Uncle Sam Whiskey out of it. Position a barrel of the stuff at every voting booth durin elections. Worked for Andrew Jackson! 7. Encourage folks to sneak into Mexico and build a McMansion. 8. Make it easy to get out of payin taxes 9. Quit subsidizing anything. If the guvment wants to throw money ~ away, I’’ll give them my address. 10. Tell Iran they have 10 minutes to get their shit together. “11. Make all incarcerated felons grow their own food. 12. You wrek your car while yappin on the phone, you pay for it. 13. Appoint Michael Jackson as Ambassadoor to Venezuala. 14. Free BBQ on Thursdays. 15. Tell Willie Nelson to come up with a new National Anthim. Amen, pass the peas. FRANCOIS CAMOIN...SALT LAKE CITY, UT Local, state,and national think tanks would be developed to further focus and inspire& intelligent vision with a diversity that would represent a full cross section of U.S. citizens. Other revenue beyond this, would be used for the development and implementation of these new ideas along with “green technologies” which would leave fossil fuels with the dinosaurs and open doors to a sustainable future. Everyone from junior high on would have the opportunity to read and practice Miguel Ruizs’ book The Four Agreements, (be impeccable with your word,;action, thought, and deed), don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. This could become a blue print for cultivating behavior with great integrity. _ All businesses and institutions, would be given tax incentives to offer employees a 2 hour break daily that would encourage time for meditation, health and wellness, counseling, body work, or for some kind of self care. Also each employee would have 6 weeks of paid vacation each year. My administration would create opportunities for our elders to mentor our children and for cross-cultural sharing that would celebrate the gift and strength in our national diversity. Before any decisions are made involving another county such as continuing aid or military presence, there would need to be a thorough assessment done by Jimmey Carter’s traveling group of “The Elders” and other diplomatic visionaries who could truly grasp the myriad of humanitarian needs involved. I would do my best to fight terrorism with education, aid, and minimal military activity. Our troops could REALLY become peace keepers. And finally, always accompanying our national anthem would be John Lennon’s song IMAGINE. Hey man you couldn’t pay me enough to do the job. Turns men into beasts. DAN McCOOL... SALT LAKE CITY, UT If I were the president, 1 would push for a new ax law that eliminated all subsidies, hand-outs, tax “MARK TAYLOR...SALT LAKE CITY, UT If I were Prez, I would take a page from Joseph Stalin’s book and purge anyone and everyone who has anything to do with the health care insurance industry. They are bloodsuckers and slime-balls and all would go to prison. In prison, they would be put into two categories: those to be executed and those who would serve long sentences- no exceptions. All executives and anyone who received an award for cost cutting- meaning denying lifesaving benefits to American citizens- would be summarily executed. Good riddance. Everyone else would get a 25 year sentence. No appeals. To accommodate all the new inmates, I would empty the nation’s burgeoning prisons of anyone convicted of a drug offense- and that means everyone. Next, I would arrest Bush/Cheney and charge them with crimes against humanity. My plan would be to ultimately turn them over to the War Crimes Court in the Hague, Holland but not before incarcerating them at Gitmo for an indefinite period where they would write and recite their own self criticisms and contemplate their fat-ass navels. After four or five years of duck waddling, waterboarding and being held incommunicado without contact from family or attorneys, I would either turn them over to the Hague or put on a show trial based on Saddam's Baghdad trial and hang them; putting a just conclusion to the most disgusting era in American history. I would broadcast it live on YouTube and make all the lazy, fat-assed teenagers watch it and threaten to do the same to them if they don’t go outside and play. Next, I would confiscate all the properties and resources of every pharmaceutical, credit card, Wall Street and oil industry executives including Republican neo-conservatives and return it to those it was stolen from. Finally, all religious zealots and fundamentalists - anyone who talks about angels or miracles - would be interned at re-education camps where they would be re-programmed and introduced to a fascinating concept called, reality. THe ™“ HUB OF MOAB CYCLERY CALL US TOLL-FREE sietomelO see wa LS) MOAB, UT 259.5333 rimcyclery.com mission as PREZ provide for everyone’s basic healthcare, education, food, and housing needs. This HOBART CLEMS...NEBRASKA 94 WEST 100 NORTH My would be to cultivate the U.S. and global quality of life and happiness by ‘thinking globally acting locally” I would create a budget that would nasal congestion BIKE RENTAL & SALES alae RONDE IN Elreuratsre le) 4s K\. 'RIM-BRANDED' Nor Nitsa Liberals would love cutting give-away programs ‘or big corporations, and conservatives would love a big income tax reduction. Of course the big corporations would detest this but, at least at this point in _ time, they don’t vote, and their lapdogs in Congress _ would have a hard time ignoring the public support Thanks for the opportunity to be president for a ouple of minutes! JOHN MASON... First, I would significantly restructure the tax rates; Those that were making billions would find themselves paying millions in income tax. Second, I would introduce universal health insurance. This would cover everyone who’s income was less that twice mine -- that would be 80% of us regular folk. Third, I would nationalize the oil companies. This would put the obscene profits in the national treasury and help us pay off George Bushes excesses. Forth, I would make sure that W. would be remembered as the worst president in our history and that no one from Texas could ever be president again. McCAIN GOES for the YOUNG BIKER VOTE Screw you kid.. Hey DUDE, 1 don't know that | could vote for ba guy who can swoop if | want to. .{ |