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Show COLONIC FLOSS TUG-O- Colonic Floss? I don't THINK so! It only hurts when "Brad" breathes. WAR! "Gently boys!" pleads Carlos. After the Big TUG-o-WAR, its ADIOS & GOODBYE! to those gritty orange laxatives! Feeling run down? Sluggish? Out of sorts? You’ ve tried prunes an laxatives and not a darn thing works? Well, isn’t it time you tried the Colonic Floss Tug-O-War? Go down to the store and get some colonic floss like our friend Carlos did. Then find two strapping young men like our "Brad" and "Todd," who are just looking for a good game of Tug-O-War. But this ain’t no ordinary game of Tug-O-War. In fact, this is simply a derivative of a procedure once practiced by the great Mohandas Gandhi. Mo liked to slowly swallow string, one inch at a time, until, twenty-six feet later, the string (or floss if you will) exited from a lower ee orifice. The reasons why an did this are lost in myth and legend. In the 21st century we’ve taken this age old practice and given it an Xtreme Spin. "Brad" and "Todd" are ready and eager to see which of them is the strongest and, at the same time, make sure that Carlos has a smooth-flowing digestive system. After twenty minutes, it’s a draw! Neither "Brad" nor "Todd" has been able to win the Tug-O-War. But hey...the real winner is Carlos. After this simple procedure, he’s throwing away his 48 oz. jar of gooey thick vegetable laxative. From now on, when he wants fast action, he’ll call "Brad" and "Todd," They know how to put a winning = on Carlos’ face! The touchstone of any safe technical climb is the reliability of the belayer. He/she takes responsibility for the "safety rope," the rope that prevents the climber from falling in case of a mishap. The belay rope is the backup, and the belayer makes it happen. But the belayer’s ability.to prevent a tragedy depends mainly on the anchor point--that fixed location that is "bombproof,” an anchor that will withstand the sudden g forces of a plummeting body. The anchor point is usually a large rock, or tree, or several bolts set in the rock (illegal almost everywhere except Arches National Park). But not here, Buckaroo. This is Body Pierce Belay Country! Do you have body pierce rings all over your body? Have you been wondering if they have any functional value (other than the fact that they just look so gosh-darned good? Do you want to put your rings to the test? ie here’s the opportunity of a lifetime! Yes, it’s the tri-equalizing Body Pierce Belay anchor. "Brad" volunteered for this hazardous yet strangely stimulating task, because he is already adorned with two of the three anchor points that are absolutely necessary to perform this task properly and safely. The ear and nipple piercing points are real! We merely had to add a fake nose ring to perfect this extremely distasteful ‘simulation. Although you can’t see him in these photographs, "Brad" is actually providing a physical belay for Grand County Attorney candidate Bill Schultz. At well over 200 pounds, this was a real test for "Brad’s" strength, endurance and dopiness. We're pleased to tell you that "Brad" got an "A" on all counts. Sadly, his right nipple now droops a bit, but sometimes there’s a price to be paid for Glory. |
