Show V The Herald Journal Logan Utah Sunday April 18 2004 — A9 The psychology of selecting the right TV By Dave Barry Tribune Media Services T idea such as washing underwear in the dishwasher or installing a urinal in your bedroom: your wife The instant you tell her you need a new TV she’s going to start com-in- g up with nitpicky legalistic arguments like: “But our current TV works fine!" Or oday’s Consumer Topic Is: Buying a New TV Buying a TV today is complicated It’s not like in the 950s when I was a boy and the glaciers were receding and 1 “But we bought a new TV yesterday!” Or “But we’re broke and we live in a homeless shelter!” Women! Always ruled by their emotions But you CAN overcome your wife's resistance men if you (a) take the time to listen — really listen — to her objections then (b) respond patiently and sincerely without resorting to browbeating then (c) when she falls asleep smash your current TV screen with a brick “I don't know how it happened!” should be your explanation “I was tossing a brick electricity had just been invented Back then there was only one kind of TV which mass was a refrigerator-size- d of walnut with two knobs and a tiny screen In fact some of the early TVs had no screen at all: People would just sit and stare at the walnut That’s how starved we were for entertain- around in the family room like I always do and B(X)M! Now if we don’t get a new larger TV we'll have no way to watch Oprah or romantic movies starring Hugh Grant!" That will gel her Women LOVE Hugh Grant Mr Charming with his floppy hair set and his accent I bet he has a tiny diagonal Not that I think about it Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald Write to him do The Miami Herald One Herald Plaza Miami FL 33132 vrr ' ment remember when we got our first TV Dad set it up ' then climbed up onto our roof to try to aim I y i this anten- na at New York City Then he yelled down to us and we turned the “ON” knob and the tiny screen started to glow and then we saw it right in our living room an incredible miracle: Static Oh sure we’d HEARD static before but this was the first time we’d ever actually SEEN it And this static was coming “all the way ' from New York” Back then we watched a lot of static although sometimes if Dad was having an unusually good aiming day iip on the roof we saw some actual pro-- : gramming which mainly con- sisted of silent cartoons of mice running around That was the entire plot There were these mice and they ran around I’m not saying it was as stupid as “Fear Factor” but it was pretty stupid Some- -times we’d yell up to Dad to turn the antenna back to the " static ‘ Orig $5950 Men’s DeslgneiiKnit Shirts pc SAVE AN ADDITIONAL - black-and-whi- " w DON’T HAVE A DILLARD’S QnHQEBOaSMilB mmm CREDIT CARD? Open a Dillard's Express Credit Account today through April 18 and you can Save 20 10 110 new account discount account on discount) existing purchases the first day in qualifying departments listed at the left After the first day you'll save 10 in qualifying departments during the remaining days of the After Easter Sale & Clearance NOW THROUGH SlADAY'PRIL’18j youTp lTA R D ’SC H ARGEC ARDJ and you vyilj TeceTve an ADDITION ACM te On ALL Ladies' Juniors' Men's Children's Apparel Shoes £ Accessories lODISCOUNlVall your purchases of apparel shoes and accessories for adies MenTjumors and Children “Sutyect to credit approval Some restrictions apply See Store Associate for details Available at all Dillard's stores Otter valid from Thursday ApriM5'2004 through Sunday ApriM8 2004 will be reflected on your monthly statement See sales associate tor details Savings ' Today of course TV technology is extremely sophisti- cated to the point where most TV sets of your higher-en- d can be operated only by children When you walk into a TV store the salesperson bombards you with scary technical terms suchas “HDTV” “plasma ’’“diagonal” and ' “service agreement" And the' prices! You may have to choose between buying a new TV and sending your children to college! So you definitely want it to be the “right” TV To help you decide which of the many models is right for you take the following quiz which was provided by the American Institute of Televi- sion Manufacturers Not Actii- ally Located in America: QUIZ TO DETERMINE WHAT TYPE OF TV YOU 'NEED Question Are you a male? HOW TO SCORE: If you answered “yes" then the type of TV you need is what is known technically as “a big-- : ger TV than the one you have” A true man cannot own a TV that is too large Even as you read these words there's a guy somewhere who just ' bought a TV with a screen the size of a regulation volleyball court a screen on which a human nostril looks like the: entrance to' the Lincoln Tun- - ' Girlsjt3-j- 1 6CoppeiJey Spring Dresses : ' nel:' v' ' nal---- ' :: ' i ' r ' This guy is standing in 'his family room — which had to' be enlarged for this TV — arid he's looking at the screen and he WANTS tbbe satisfied with it but he’s troubled by the nagging suspicion that somewhere in Americain another family room there's a guy who has a bigger diago- -' ' STOREWIDE SAVINGS FOR YOU YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR HOME! 1 ' i ' y ) V o© : h ‘ I’m not saying ALL Iren are : like this You may be the kind of man who’s perfectly happy with the size of his current diagonal- Fine! I’m happy for you! Good luck in the Nation-al Floral Arrangement Cham- pionships! But the rest of ybu tnen ' know you need a bigger TV And you know who’s standing in your way: The Same “Neg- atiye Nelly "who always tries ' to hold you back when you household have a visionary 1 ' '' : All meittendiss tssstssW ' Sale prices are Qffofongmaf prices Shoes art to Limited store Selection varies by tKXKontmotng styles only stock on hand Basic nwvseasonat merchandise is nor included ' Sorry no pnee adiuslmetifs given on previous purchases We canrwt accept pt or mad orders on clearance merchandise and Sund 1iK at si WSsitTs tociMonr Shop Logan ot Cacha viilloy HaH In SoR Late CRy at FpsMon Place and South Town Cantor In Ogdon at Nowgalo MaH In Provo M Provo Towno Contra In St Gooigo at Red Clitfa Mali We arnksme your tMartfsCrecMCard The American Express' Card Dmers ChiblntemalKJnal Mastercard’ Visa- and The Discover Canf Mondoy-Sotucdoyl- i In - |