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Show 8 Feature THE SUN DIXIE STATE I OLLHfc OF I WEDNESDAY, 20, !' sW? till WJfta- - tilt, vyslii TAH FEBRUARY 200 I Dixie State Dance Company Presents ins Spring Usance (Concert JfcfeiUb Artistic Director: Li Lei, Ph.D. lEtiffittmia fb ills!. MIL ijfeMr iMiiTC-- ilSIfell? if fllMi LIT 5XiU ilHKV ' way kusrui ..nv, Special The tickets are now on sale at the Central Ticket Office, Cox Auditorium (Adults $4, youth $3, students $1) Program The program will feature ballet, modem dance, jazz dance, ballroom dance ,t. .r. ... v ... .. mn uni hip-ho- p and for The Sun This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Below are some reasons why the English language is so hard to learn. 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. ) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. Tb. Butter, divided cup Brown sugar, divided 2 cup Sifted flour 3 3 tsp. Baking powder '2 tsp. Salt I I I tsp. Cinnamon Egg cup Milk Grease muffin pans and place 12 tea spoon of butter and teaspoon brown W ijbj imj i i The English Language March 28, 7:30 pm Cox Performing Arts Center 23 fi sugar in each cup. Sift flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon together. Beat egg, add milk, butter and remaining 12 cup brown sugar. Add to sifted dry ingredients, stirring only enough to dampen all the flour. Fill prepared muffin pans 34 full and bake at 425 degrees F. for 18 to 20 minutes. Sprinkle with sugar to taste. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sew'er line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 8) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a teai. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it, English is a crazy' language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple English muffins werent invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads (which aren't sweet) are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices' Doesnt it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can bum up as it bums down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"? Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?? |
