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Show ow ood 3L Every American parent wants his son to make good. But how about daughters? A doctor and marriage consultant here tells todays mothers -- and fathers -- the most important thing they can teach a girl By Dr. REBECCA LISWOOD as told to Lester David Executive Director, Marriage Counseling Service of Greater Neu York What tant to a woman. And it is time we taught this tant years? I during her growing-uran tell you in eight short words ple truth to our daughters and began raising them to be proud to be homemakers! 'Unhappily, this pride, once great in American women, has been waning year after year. One mother I know wears a little red apron with the words "The Hell with Housework printed across the front in large letters. Its a popular novelty, and a revealing one. Sociologists and psychiatrists have been aware of this attitude for some time. Thus they werent surprised when the University of Michigan Survey Research Center announced the results of a recent nationwide study during which 1,925 young girls of II to, 19 years were asked about their future plans. Although 94 per cent said they hoped to marry some day, only three per cent told the investigators that they wanted to be housewives! Why is the status of homemaker at such a low ebb these days? A number of complex factors are involved, but these two main reasons stand out above all others: is the single most imporlesson a girl can learn at home p how to be a good wife and mother. however, many parents who realize Astonishingly, so well the importance of home training in a childs life are neglecting this vital area of a young girls education. They have been overlooking it so completely that far too many of our daughters are growing into womanhood with little real understanding of what it means to be a wife and with a thinly veiled contempt for the homemaking part of the job. As a marriage counselor who has heard the stories of more than 5,000 unhappy marital unions over the years, I am convinced that we urgently have to face this situation and do something about it. Believe me when I say that countless marriages have broken up because the wife did not have the proper respect for the lifetime job she agreed to undertake. Few things sadden me more than to hear women say, as they do so often in our chats at the conclusion of my lectures around the country: "Im just a This is always accompanied by a housewife. shamefaced little smile. Mothers Day is a good time to stop downgrading role. No other job can be the more deeply and thoroughly satisfying and impor First, there kitchen automation the increasing mechanization of the home and easing of most housekeeping functions. is kitchens, automatic cleaning equipmeals have made mothers feel less important and hence less prideful. Push-butto- n ment and mother-housewif- e easy-to-fi- x Fathers must help, too! Bringing up a daughter to be a good wife is by no means a job for Mother alone. Here is how Father fits into the picture: should teach her the importance of money and some facts of life about getting it, budgeting it and spending it. her 1. By approving her work at home her gardening, the neatness of her room, etc. A fathers approval means more A cooky-bakin- g, to a girl than you realize. She is encouraged to feel she is doing something important. Dad shouldnt her money-wisof economics the living. He pamper her on 2. By making e. sim- 3. By showing appreciation to his own wife. father should express his love and gratitude for his wife often and convincingly. His attitude will not be lost on his little girl. She will see with her own eyes the rewards that a woman earns by being a good wife, and she will be eager someday to fill such a role in a home of her own. But women must realize that as their part in the physical side of the job shrinks, the managerial role of the homemaker becomes increasingly significant. They should understand that the removal of drudgery is a blessing, giving them time to attend to other factors such as child rearing, nutrition, good family relations and real management. Second, other goals and activities outside the home seem more exciting and challenging. This is a confusing, anxious time for women. They are being pulled away from the home. Many authorities are urging them to participate more fully in civic, economic and political life. And millions of women are heeding these calls, yet their natural instincts keep turning them homeward. They develop strong guilt feelings about neglecting their families, while still yearning for brighter vistas outside. To add to their confusion, other experts warn them to return to their roles as wives and mothers. There is an answer, simple, clear and logical, which should help resolve the conflict in many mothers minds: There needn't be a choice bettveen the two at all! It is possible to be a good wife and mother and still lead a life full of outside activities. For myself, I practice what I preach and always have. I raised my own family as the wife of a doctor. Almost ten years after my marriage, I began combining homemaking with the study of medicine. I became a physician 30 years ago and still do the two jobs. Certainly, mothers must not feel it is wrong to have interests and goals outside the home. Actually, they make better wives, companions and guides if their own horizons are broadened. But neither must they feel that the home is any less important, less challenging and less exciting. I have explored these reasons for the decline in housewifely status and gone into the explanations because they lead into the one basic rule for teaching a daughter to be a good wife. It is. this: Set her"an example to admin and follow. If a mother takes pride in running a home, if she believes she is undergoing a richly rewarding experience and glows with this feeling, the battle is more than half won. On the other hand, if her home is poorly run, if the meals are unimaginative, the rooms untidy, the well-manage- THIS WEEK Moaoiln d Mar S, I960 |