OCR Text |
Show The fish is the real father of lies. There will continue to be more weather than aeroplanes in the higher high-er altitudes. Now we are told that flat life will cause us to round out existence in a lunatic asylum. Cincinnati surgeons are going to amputate a citizen's six-inch nose, but not by keeping it on the grindstone. For some time to come, however, the popular way of crossing the Alps will be by means of the tunnel under them. Good old authority says that it's impossible to tell all the stars, but Uncle Sam's experts have catalogued them. '".: v It Is reported from New Jersey that a cow wrecked an aeroplane. It must have been the same cow that jumped over the moon. r - L Sometimes it does seem that everybody every-body in the world is calling everybody every-body else a liar, and nobody knows whom to believe. The average driver of a sprinkling cart, as perhaps you have observed, always becomes fiendishly active just before a heavy rainstorm. And if you do find baseball in heaven, heav-en, and if the umpires manage to get there, too, how do you expect to express your opinion of them? "American women make poor wives," says an English writer. Yes, a foreign husband can make an American Amer-ican wife poor, in short order. It may be old fashioned, but nevertheless never-theless we cling to the notion that a revolver is something that no man carries for any good purpose. Occasionally, when the weather man predicts "partly cloudy," he is breaking it to you gently that a rainfall rain-fall of an Inch or more impends. A Wyoming girl recently killed a coyote by beating it with a riding whip. If you meet a Wyoming girl with a riding whip be polite to her. New York chews more gum than any other city, we are told. If it's really true, New York must know how to chew and talk at the same time. Somebody suggests that the United States should go into the business of coining half pennies. They might come in handy to put into children's banks. We have read the new football rules and have arrived joyfully at the conclusion that the grand old game will still be the antithesis of a pink tea, A New Jersey rag picker in one week found $1,800 worth of jewelry in old clothes. Moral sift your old clothing before sending it to the rag picker. A Pennsylvania woman found a $200 pearl in an oyster she was eating in a hotel dinner. From which it is to be 1 inferred that the pearl-fishery season Is fairly opened. ! Having discovered and excoriated 1 the meanest man, what shall be said of the woman who is charged with 1 appropriating and pawning her neighbor's neigh-bor's false teeth? 1 On the hottest day of the year New -York authorities received bids for the removal of snow. If it had been put t to a vote of the sweltering citizens, they would have unanimously re- I solved, if only snow would come just then, to let it stay. Uncle Sam is going to build a barb-wire barb-wire fence 1,000 miles long on his southern border. For a respectable lady smuggler such a device would be even harder to beat than a pier full of custom house Inspectors. A woman in New York cut off her husband's ear because he annoyed her by talking too much. That shows the illogical and inconsequent nature of woman. If a man had been in her place, he would have cut off the offending of-fending tongue. The new postal savings bank system sys-tem will soon be in partial operation opera-tion at least. The government has on hand 5,000,000 of the stamps which can be sold at ten cents each with the cards to which they are to 'be attached. at-tached. The cards also cost ten cents each, so when a card has nine stamps affixed the whole may be turned in to represent a deposit of one dollar Such an arrangement encourages Bmall savings, the aggregate of which may become very large |