OCR Text |
Show A calendar gives no trustworthy cme to weather. No sunstrokes have thus far beet reported this spring. Life Is getting to be Just one stat convention after another. Distinctly, the opening of the bas tall season was not a frost. Now the umpire in his turn become! the object of oratorical attack. Nobody will care how much the fly la kicked arounu this summer. Tou do not hear band musician! objecting seriously to political campaigns. cam-paigns. A large spot has been discovered on the sun. Draw your own political deductions. When an editor becomes gloomy he rises to predict the revival of th hoopskirt. Our notion of an easy Job is to persuade a man to become a candidate candi-date for office. The incubator craze is leading to numerous fires. This will not, how-tver, how-tver, check the craze. New York, the worst crowded metropolis me-tropolis in the world, always has. room Tor easy mark visitors. The world certainly do move. It has been lo! these many years since we read a folding bed Joke. Much more readily do some men pay out hard cash to a baseball impresario im-presario than to a coal dealer. Now they are going to grow Turkish tobacco In California. Why not as well as Havana or Connecticut? A New York woman wants a divorce di-vorce because her husband has an other wife. Isn't she the finicky thing! A Cleveland lawmaker insists that Bale bathers on the beaches be forced to wear skirts. The shameless hustles! hus-tles! The report that The Harvester was old for $50,000 is enough to make an automobile salesman green with BP.vy. The Little theater in New York is id to be for intelligent people. Now we know why it Is called the Little theater. A license of $1 has been Imposed Dn cats in New Jersey, but a license sn midnight concerts would be preferable. People who insist on building near the Ohio and Mississippi rivers should let on the safe side by building sky-icrapers. sky-icrapers. That Missouri man who is hatching grasshoppers to feed his chickens hould be careful that the supply does not exceed the demand. While those reformers are Investl rating the baseball trust, we hope they will establish an age limit for peanuts. Just to prove that there is nothing new under the sun a Harvard professor profes-sor has discovered that women talk too much. A Harvard professor says Oklahoma Is five years ahead of any other state. It's a long way from Harvard to Oklahoma, Ok-lahoma, too. A European Judge has declared that It Is not lawful to cheat American tourists. Nor especially easy, we may add. Why does no one ever Intone a hymn to the vernal recrudescene of the chorus of the frogs? It is not so bad. Some alarmist now announces that lauerkraut is a dangerous explosive, but we'd rather risk it than boiled cabbage. A statistician tells us that only ne song out of ninety-five becomes popular. Judging from the popular longs we have heard, the worst song f the ninety-five Is selected. A military authority tells us that Washington could be captured easily y a foreign foe. He does not realize hat myriads of office seekers would irlse to defend their chosen city. A woman in Philadelphia broke the record by obtaining a license to marry three minutes after her divorce had teen granted. Compared to this, Phlt delphia is even swifter than Keno. |