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Show Isn't It strange how automobile! won't take a Joke? Possibly the society smuggler It only a kleptomaniac. Further, an aeroplane, judiciously handled, lays golden eggs. i. Portland cement is to be cheaper have you tried digesting it? Summer keeps running back for just one more parting word. Detroit goat eats a $10 bill. Well, what goat ever got indigestion from swallowing ten bones? The new five-dollar bills will be smaller, says an exchange. Easier to break, too, we presume. King Alfonso is afraid he may lose his throne. Foolish boy! why didn't he put it in his wife's name? These are fine days to find mushrooms. mush-rooms. If you feel 111 the next day, you'll know that you didn't. New Tork waiter buys $100,000 worth of government bonds. "All things come to him who waits. Wild grapes are very scarce this fall, says the Boston Globe, but the sour variety are still plentiful enough. A French duke has Invited his friends to an aeroplane tea. Could any "high tea" be higher than that? New Tork street car conductor breaks his arm ringing up fares. Talk about strenuosity in doing one's duty! A New York woman who obtained a divorce 18 years ago has just applied ap-plied for alimony. When Is a poor devil safe? San Francisco Is waging a relentless relent-less war against rats, but It doesn't seem to have any effect on Paris coiffures, so far. With the Bible still leading the list of best sellers, the morals of the country cannot be so very much deteriorated, de-teriorated, after all. An Italian has invented an aeroplane aero-plane which cannot fall. This is an Improvement even over those which can swim and climb trees. If there is any argument In favor of letting college boys haze themselves them-selves It must be that they need to Bet It out of their systems. Someone has written an article on "The Duty of the Dollar," this being something that our American tourists have been trying to dodge. In New York there is a woman one hundred and two years old who has lived ninety-six years in Manhattan. Well, it must have been in Harlem. New York man, forty years old, and about to wed, says he has never yet kissed a girl. He'll still be "about to wed" forty years from now. A Pittsburg bridegroom of five weeks deserted his bride because she was ,"a block of ice." Naturally, she Immediately proceeded to make it hot for him. There Is a man in Virginia who says that to marry after fifty means trouble. He is an optimist. What does he think it means to marry before be-fore fifty? When a man of ninety-six walks ten miles to get a marriage license the truth that live is ever young gives another knock-out blow to the 0-lerian 0-lerian theory. An Ohio judge rules that a pretzel is not a dangerous weapon. Whether he will be so confident concerning the exhibition of sliced cucumbers remains re-mains to be seen. Isn't there a fine touch of unconscious uncon-scious humor in the preachments on American extravagance which American Ameri-can millionaires deliver when they come home from motor tours through Europe? Why is it that the man who cunningly cun-ningly plans to murder his wife or his sweetheart and brutally carries out his plan always "breaks down and cries like a child" when his guilt is fastened upon him? Why should there be so much excitement ex-citement when an aviator breaks the record for attaining the greatest height? The thing to become enthusiastic en-thusiastic over, it seems to us, is in getting safely down from the greatest height |