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Show nMe Suitors of :-.?' rJ J3YKENNETT e v ust4M$k M WW W'JA Mi Jm mm I A ra Mmm ml MELISSA COULD NOT TOLERATE A KNOW-IT-ALL. Mrs. Merriwid had her little curved scissors, her orange sticks and her chamois polisher laid out on her dressing dress-ing table, and was delicately filing away a sharp corner on a rosy nail of an index finger when her maternal maiden aunt Jane came In and settled set-tled down for a little visit "I wonder you don't let Miss Pum-mis Pum-mis at the beauty parlors do that for you, Melissa," she remarked. "She does them very well and she's quite reasonable." "I wish you were quite reasonable, dearie," replied Mrs. Merriwid, extending extend-ing a hand for her aunt's Inspection. "Anything wrong about that little dimpled dim-pled mitt? Could Miss Pummis impart im-part a pinker tinge or a glossier finish fin-ish to these hook terminations? I ween not, and I'm not given to overweening, over-weening, either. Mr. Buttyn might, but fortunately he's not here, and there's nothing to prevent me from doing do-ing the job myself." "Of all the gentlemen who have been calling here since I have been with you, I consider Mr. Buttyn to be the very nicest," declared Aunt Jane, "the most helpfully inclined, the most thoughtful and ingenious. He showed show-ed me " "How yoit could do it far easier and with incomparably better results," finished fin-ished Mrs. Merriwid. "Did he tell ypu?" asked Aunt Jane, clearly surprised. "No, my dear Lady Watson," Mrs. Merriwid answered, with her most su- stand me, auntie, dear. I think lt'i too lovely for anything to have somebody some-body around who always wants to do something for you as long as it isn't something one wants to do for one's-self. one's-self. I can quite imagine how handy he would be around the house, too. He would show you how to trim your hats, and then trim them. He'd take the management of the cook off your hands, and leave you free to think great thoughts, and il you undertook to make pie, he'd come into the kitchen and stick a helpful finger into it. But you're mistaken about the Buttyns being rare, dearie. I know several -women who have the Buttyn brand of husbands" Of course they're women who think marriage should only be dissolved by death, and they have conscientious scruples against arsenic, poor things! "Mr. Buttyn would never let me perish per-ish with cold for want of a wrap on a sultry August evening," Mrs. Merriwid Merri-wid went on. "It wouldn't be the least trouble in the world for him tc get it for me, or to drape it about my perspiring form. He wouldn't watch me playing the wrong card when he could stand behind my chair and breathe into my ear, and pick the right one for me. He wouldn't listen lis-ten in silence while I made a hash of a perfectly good anecdote when he could jog my weak memory and correct cor-rect my inadequate language. I could always depend upon him to button my gloves and choose the appropriate shade for a new parlor carpet. He'd strew my path with roses and do all my thinking for me. It would be my "He's So Helpful I Always Want to Scream for Help When He Struts In." perior and tolerating smile. "I simply sim-ply deducted it. You were alone with him while I was skinning into my clothes, and you were doing something or another. My knowledge of you enables me to m-ke that assertion with confidence. You may have been clipping the dead " leaves from the geraniums in the window box. You may have been rearranging the books on the shelves. You may have been embroidering as you discussed the topics top-ics of the day; but whatever you did Is immaterial. He was there and saw you doing it. and he wasn't gagged or handcuffed, consequently he showed you how." "And I appreciated It," said Aunt Jane, severely. "I hope that you didn't let him see that you did," said Mrs. Merriwid, "not that you could discourage him. I heard a pretty little anecdote of Mr. Buttyn's childhood the other day. it seems he had a grandmamma whom he tenderly loved, and one day he went to her with the light of a great discovery in his eyes and an egg in his hand. 'Dear grandmamma,' said he, 'I want to show you how you may isxtract the contents of this fruit by application of the well known law of nature, abhorrence of a vacuum. You first puncture the shell at each end, and then, putting one end to your mouth ' " "That's enough, my dear," interrupted inter-rupted Aunt Jane, in a tone of displeasure. dis-pleasure. "I contend that Mr. Buttyn Is a gentleman such as one rarely meets in these days. He is always doing something for somebody." "It's a perfectly beautiful trait," Mrs. Merriwid admitted. "When Mr. Buttyn makes a flying leap and a slide across the room to pick up my handkerchief, hand-kerchief, my admiration is too deep tor words. You seem to misunder- own fault if I were not a h appy woman." "I think It wouid be," said Aunt Jane. "I should learn from him undoubtedly," undoubt-edly," conceded Mi 8. Merriwid. "He could show the dressmaker how to cut a pattern for a brassiere, he would and could cheerfully and lucidly lu-cidly instruct DePachman in the true interpretation of Chopin, he wouldn't show the least hesitation in giving Edison points about electricity, and he would -tell me how to arrange my hair becomingly in fact, he has. Helpful! Help-ful! He's so helpful that I always want to scream for help when he starts in." "Of course if people are too Independent Inde-pendent to accept instruction or assistance, as-sistance, that's a different matter," said Aunt Jane. "I'm willing to learn, myself." "We all are as long as the tuition isn't free, dear," Mrs. Merriwid replied. re-plied. "We like to pay for what we acquire in the way of learning, though, and the more we pay, the more respect re-spect we have for our teacher. That's what makes old Professor Experience, so popular. Another thing is, we want to feel that our instructor knows more than we do, and that's no attitude of mind for any woman to take toward her husband." "Don't you think that a man really knows more than a woman?" asked Aunt Jane. "Not if he doesn't know enough to conceal the fact that he does," replied Mrs. Merriwid. (Copyright, 1913, by W. O. Chapman.) |