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Show !THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 , 1999 PAGE 9 UNIVERSITY JOURNAL OPINION 59 DAVE BARRY CENTER 0 pen: Monday thr ough Friday 8 - 6 Saturday 9 - 4 What is 'bistro service?' I was getting ready to board an early American Airlines flight out . of Miami, and they announced that it was going to be "bistro service." "Please pick up your 'bistro' meal from the cart as you board the plane," they told us. I honestly wasn't sure what "bistro· meant but it sounded French, which I thought was a good sign. French food is pretty tasty, except for the snails, which I do not believe the French actually eat. Other than that, French food is pretty good. So I had high hopes when, on my way to the plane, I stopped at the cart and picked up a P.aper sack containing my "bistro· meal. I was hungry, because I had not eaten breakfast, because I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around. When the plane took off, I opened my "bistro· sack. Here are the items it contained: (1) a container of yogurt, (2) a "breakfast bar" made from compressed dried wood chips, and (3) the greenest, coldest, hardest banana I have ever touched in my life. I didn't eat the banana. Needless to say, I also didn't eat the yogurt. My guess is, nobody ever eats the yogurt; at the end of the flight, the airline people just collect all the unused yogurts and put them back into "bistro· sacks for the next flight. I did eat the "breakfast bar," because if you're hungry enough, you will eat wood chips. (That's why beavers do it. There is no way they would gnaw on trees if they ever found out about pizza delivery.) Anyway, the flight was scheduled to go directly to Houston, so finally, after navigating around the sky for a several hours, we landed in: New Orleans. The pilot said there was fog in Houston. They didn't let the passengers off the plane in New Orleans, possibly for fear that we would run away. So we just sat there for an hour or so, rustling our "bistro meat· sacks and listening to our stomachs grumble. · Anyway, we finally took off again and landed in Houston, where we dropped to our knees and gratefully licked crumbs off the terminal floor_ So the story ended happily, except for the nagging question that remained stuck in my mind: Why did the airline call it "bistro service"? When I got home, I looked up "bistro"; according to my dictionary, it's a French word meaning ·a small wine shop or restaurant where wine is served.· The image it conjures up is of a cozy little place on a picturesque little street in Paris, with candle-lit ta~les for two occupied by lovers kissing , drinking wine, and enjoying French food. Somehow, the airline decided to use this word, of all the words in the world, to describe what was served on · my flight. Why? The answer is: marketing. At some point, American Airlines went to its Marketing Department and said, "We're going to stop serving real food to people, and we need a good name for it." Marketing people love this kind of challenge. Their motto is: "When life hands you lemons, lie.· I think "bistro service" may be the best marketing concept I have seen since back in the 1970s, when McDonald's, which does not wait on your table, does not cook your food to order, and does not clear your table, came up with the with the slogan "We Do It All For You." • Fast, courteous, professional cleaning • Shirt laundry • Sreat new laundromat facility • Comfortable, relaxed atmosphere • Convenient, longer hours • Time-saving drive-up window • Seven carwash bays · MAYTAS WASHERS ONL y $1 ON TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS! lllli i ~i:t, i C~11'1G & St1RVIVAt!. DEPOT Li!) I Sf) IJ'1 II 1$2 OFF HAIRCUTI I OR $5 OFF PERM I _;:::....;::;,..;;;.;._;__~;:;._..;;;; I J EN OR EMILY ONLY I 51YLINGSHOP•e::'~~ ------~ "No long wait... Walk-ins & 588-4080 •4111.....,., 1111'1....., . . , c.., cay (CID'P'lliltMII) Appointments Welcomed" Family cuts • Color Perms • Waxing Nails • Tanning " We Listen to Your Requests " Rill SBIVICE MIN & W1M1 )I Jl I N I (;AtlOl.. l..1\GE • II (j 7 - I !J I !J PAIN'l'BAU. HLOlt'GUNS PAN'fS · 'l'-SHIR'fS SHORTS 'l'ANK 'fOPS P ~ o";°oTY-& ~~~~~ • I a1n ance. )III. I'I11\IlY SIJllI•I. IJS Dave Barry is a nationally syndicated columnist. STUDENT SPECIAL Get it all clean at R· d I 434 South.Main Street • Phone 58&-6964 Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday thru Saturday 1 With this kind of marketing ingenuity, there is no telling how far we can go. Perhaps some day, when we board our airplane, we will each pick up a box of dirt; this will be called "haute cuisine service.· We will take the box without complaining . Because we are consumers, and our motto is "moo.· I ST . 586 - 6831 COMMENTARY (the) WEST cnossnows 'l'HUOWING S'f ARS SWORDS OVEll I 00 KNIVES ..:..'. S>~ ~ l\T())ll~N'S (;A)l(J SI,1\Nl)l~X 1 'I1ANK 'l f)t•S f)\TJ~R-AI..J.. SDOll'l S S'l UDEN'l 72 HOUll .,S.,SJ?S Krrs ONI..Y $14.!l!l . . . l)llE,.: .. ..... - 1 . 1 1 \. |