Show i aalst as we were leav ing we bot a wire saying circus boss was weary of watt ng for us to arrive and had away to eu bore rore for a few days SH however he left a handsome check be hind for our approval and in the interim of waiting tor him to re turn tib decided we should pay another visit to old vermont to my best knowledge it was his second trip there since his in fancy it he could be here to day I 1 believe he would refuse to make a third for on this last occasion he played the part of a 60 horse power auto in the midst of his homeland and I 1 reckon he would feel a bit skit ash about appearing in the guise of a 28 bicycle again there is the sheriff to consider but above all sordid de he climber high on the ped estal on this sojourn and for a brief period wore the ermine yes sir he was a solomon until they turned in an alarm somehow I 1 like best to think of the old chap in that stage setting it was the one short lull in ir many ad ventures and I 1 love to dwell upon the time when for three hours he toyed with the scales of justice and within that small circumference man aged to establish certain legal apropo so astounding as to equip the higher courts with severe headaches for many years to come isow dont run away with the idea that tib drew only about six inches of water when it came to sailing the ie gal seas for he was so good he could pick the futurity winner in 1911 why in one abbreviated afternoon he firmly started the celebrated hig button will case on its spiral way and only escaped a grand jury acquaint ance by thoughtfully nabbing a south bound tram in the evening probably to this day the principals in that litigation are anxiously watch ing for his return dull hinds dream on would that you could behold him again you see sir tiberius was the greatest legal teaser that ever raised blisters on the judicial brow although he hd h d no idea of measuring out legal lore when we darted into placid admit he was not a lawyer in the technical sense of the word but when it came to doing the daniel arrived at judgment act he had blackstone and all the other calf bound antiques begging for mercy and despite we were there on a mere vacation and although he was forced into the office and while bis first and last case was a stinger a quadra pedal one he dian didn t go to work and slur it over and pass it on to the higher courts no siree perhaps where he slipped up for al though I 1 was betting five to nothing on him I 1 can see now he tickled the keystone of the commonwealth out of plumb by trying to get a corner on jurisdiction but to romp back and catch the flag with the fat check we were well laden with pin money and when we arrived at aville tib swore it reminded him of his birth place and his twinkling brown eyes would gather pearls as he found the old swimming hole he would have laved in had he been allowed to have been born and grown up in that drowsy environment then came a few stanzas about his lost youth and oft in the stilly night and other fourth reader stunts well probably the town never before or since pos hessed a citizen so deeply alve of its charms first he gave the methodist church a new bell and then he hung up a prize in the school tor the best essay on home only he insisted the compositions should be framed up like circus posters and be largely ejaculatory to add up the talk as we both were paying our board that wart of a town ultimately tell on our necks and pronounced us blessed and studied to keep us with them for all time then at the con elusion of much liberality on our part fully realizing tib s intense loyalty to the coop the town fathers grave ly convened and decided we had gained a legal residence and appoint ed the dear old chap as S justice of the peace that was how it all started tib knew all about circuses and stock companies but his legal lore like joe smith s bible was largely a mat ter of inspiration yet he bowed to the public will and slipped on the oke really he felt more happy and chesty over that miserly little scant lly paid office than if he had cap aured a whole bevy of grand llamas for a side show attraction of course he swore me in as clerk explaining I 1 was the only man on earth who could read his writing and this done he began to earn and hanker tor a litigation he had an idea that the hitherto accepted theory of juris prudence was crude and noisy and should be fitted out with ball bearing sockets and a chronometer movement he simply pined away the first hour of his incumbency for the want of a test case he had just dusted off two volumes of statutes and was hefting five pounds of somebody on mortgages and had expressed a hope we would have a busy summer when hiram duzer farmhand rushed into the of face and for several quarts of undiluted justice what kind do you wanta asked tib nervously opening the statutes with rather a timid hand A warrant ter th arrest of john beasly an caspel turner store keep ers fer makin off with valuable pa pers cried hiram papers consisting of I 1 pro pounded to give tib his cue edw i he decides the will case by HUGH copyright by joaeph bowles silas s las will an tes cament explained duzer solemnly felony cried tib eying some tax receipts wisely hand me a blank warrant billy and after id found a chromo that looked like a board of health danger signal he gracefully scratched it with his pen and called in a lame constable and told him to do bis duty hate like sin ter do it demurred the officer limping to the door they 11 come all right but they 11 be so mad they may lick ye they never stole bothin I 1 whispered to tib to put on the brakes and coast a bit even if he coulden couldn t back pedal I 1 reminded him hiram was a care free wag who al ways decorated the town hall for the knights of pythias ball and played in the band and largely attended to somebody else s business except his own I 1 wished hi to give a bond but tib insisted a hired man could quaff as deeply and freely at the spring of justice as any village store keepers and in about 30 minutes beasly and turner drifted in escorted by d large rural chorus and the only two legal lanterns in town lawyer kemmy a tall thin sad faced man folded his arms and sink ing his head on his chest much 1 ke the little corsican eyed the court sternly and demanded why his two clients had been arrested tib cheerfully informed him and gently asked the hired man if he were appearing by counsel then lawyer bilger another thin one took the first position in repulsing a bayonet charge and said he owned hi very well said tib shuffling the leaves of webster s unabridged to find the latin quotations let the prisoners plead at this brother remmy broke loose and beginning with mount sinai flapped every legal precept that ever emerged from a bench in the courts face and begged to inform the court sir that when ethan alien indulged in a little joke on fort ticonderoga the jeramy forebears were not lurking in the background with this per bonal prelude he wound up with men alon of the green mountain boys then quoted a section from tom balne s age of reason and finally declared hiram was a scalawag and a blood re of ananias my clients he added in a soft hushed loice are only guilty of re gaining their own for years back they trusted to use our homely vil lage phrase silas Hig button with tain edibles and groceries and divers staples of life As said silas showed no inclination to liquidate his edness they levied if it please the court upon his live stock just a few days before he passed on to the final arraignment but justly dm my clients seize upon his stock and mingle them with their own kine needless to say no will or any paper has ben taken and we demand the warrant dismissed then mr allger thrust one hand in the bosom of his coat and turn ing his watery eyes on tib laughed hoarsely hoa isely at his fellows audacity who spoke of he asked shrilly dusting his breast with his free hand who spoke of papers in the sense of papyrus or parchment 9 we spoke of documents now let the constable go and drive the live stock here and we will make good our charges and get at the res gastae gestae tib bounced sharply from his chair at the last shot and eyed the die wistfully but as there wao only one thing to do he ordered the lame man hence and in about ten minutes the mooing of cattle called us all to the door while we are entitled to a sub boena poena duces tecum declared mr remmy airily we have waived that right and now that the live stock is here let my learned friend make good his vaunted boast and point out silas Hig buttons last will mr bilger and hiram merely grinned they yanked a fettle cow up to the door and then asked the court to drag his honest orbs oer her right flank and hang me sir if there gasn wasn t branded the words I 1 give devise and bequeath to and no moie tib mopped his brow stared in bently at the beast for a minute and then gasped in a trembly voice be thed to jest wait a second honor cried hiram stalking proudly back and netting a steer whose flank bore the next installment to wit hiram duzer all and that was all well sir the discovery of these sections of the will simply swept the defendants and their attorney off their feet and tib could only sit on the door step and weakly ask Is there any morea the will is complete assured mr bilger gravely I 1 dictated it and two more cows showed the words my property wherever situ ate and signed silas Hig button it s worthless cried mr hemmy joyfully it must have three wit nesses hiram fractured his face with an other smile and I 1 instinctively knew he had big casino for he turned the critter about and there on the other flank was his name as well as two others it seems regular gasped tib I 1 suppose a will should be witnessed on the side where the testator signs and yet it the hide were removed all four signatures would be on the same side what have you to say mr hemmye brother simply growled in his anger but at last declared that at least there could be no question as to his clients right to the two val looking horses but hiram and his lawyer you know had all the laurels tucked in their belts when it came to being old cuties and with a deprecatory wave of the hand bilger bayly called attention to the fact that each horse was a codicil th bedge goin ter doa whispered one of the amazed fringe of spectators tib caught it and turned quickly saying the court will now convene within leave the exhibits where they are don t monkey with this game I 1 begged of the old chap but he looked at me sorrowfully and whispered billy this little legal nut has got to be cracked by some one and if it wan ders into he higher courts it won t be because I 1 m not the child to settle it beides there s a nice point of law involved st what I 1 ve been ach ing to get at all my life I 1 groaned and conceded he could hang his hat on a dozen such points but without profit and so following him I 1 called court to order then up jumped H ram s tall thin angel and with a italy beyond the alps delivery he explained how silas Hi button had died without kin and had willed his little all to his trusty hired man can t probate a will in this berned one boss court snarled old measly his white whiskers bristling in anger he s got ter take it ter a court ol 01 probate this court must pass upon the va of the will before deciding whether you are guilty as charged said tib stoutly and as tor the physical aspect ol 01 the court your outre metaphor will cost you five dollars brother remmy what have you to saya I 1 say this Is no will cried mr remmy tring to throttle his clients into silence the statutes say a will must be in writing if done on a typewriter it s bind ing jeered mr bilger printed characters are certainly within the statutes decided tib but not on cows gasped mr remmy pressing his tremulous hands to his fevered brow the testator certainly had a right to execute his will on one cow howled mr bilger snapping his fingers under his opponents nose and where does the law draw the line and invalidate man s sovereign prerogative and declare di fluckum that he shall be relegated to one cowa what it be owns two small cows and must use them instead ot one large cowa Is he a freeman or A must he swap the two for onea in the words of jus finian tinian in hoc signo vinces trying to stun me with their boarding house french muttered tib in my dazed ear then sternly to mr bilger honi qui mal pense sit down sir and poor bil ger wilted while mr remmy who had butted into other courts spun on his heel and dizzily staggered against the wall I 1 am of the opinion continued tib gravely tapping the unabridged impressively that a man has a right bequeathed TO WHOM a legal right to execute a binding will on the side of his house on a i fence or to spell it in colored peb bles on his lawn but if a man util izes the method in controversy it would seem he were guilty of contrib atory negligence that s right addge cheered mr turner enthusiastically silence in the court oyez oyez and oyez I 1 warned beginning to feel saucy from my semi official but his negligence does not feces barlly invalidate his will concluded tib heavily he is merely taking a chance hooray cheered hiram charge up five dollars against that person if he becomes ebullient again billy directed the court it the court please soared mr remmy after whispering in his clients ears we contest the will on the ground the signature is forged we 1 e samples of the alleged testator s handwriting here and would offer them in evidence tib looked puzzled for a moment and fir ally conceded that the contest ants were entitled to dispute and dis prove the signature by offering ine copies of the decedent s chi ro graphy in evidence and the defend ants patted each other on the back in glee but added my daniel the contradictory evidence and here the pages of noah s big book buzzed busily as tib raced through the pon derous vo ame to the list of quota eions from foreign languages must be simi libus curan tur or of a 1 ke nature or in the nature of a signature on a cow of course a man would sign his name differently when writing on a cow than he would in using a fountain pen on super line 1 bond ahem and as a husky wight beat a cripple across the road to the tavern where from my elevated position I 1 could see they were drinking nervously from a bottle mr allger arose and joyously proclaimed the only thing for them to do is to swear in an expert on cow writing an on bosses too supplement ed the hired man I 1 could now see tib was in pretty deep water and that the ity was wearing on him and while motioning me to look up some more phrases to have on friendly tap he tried to shift the line of thought by ruling that in future the impatient and initialed beasts should be re berred to as such and such a clause in the will or as a codicil by this time sir we had the weather beaten bewhiskered audience in ci sickly trance and old deacon mumby limped out to gather new wis dom across the road and as he blindly paused and attempted to fore gather the age of codicil number one by looking at his teeth he received a severe kick which led him to belabor the poor brute with his cane it re quiren all of tib s official zeal to cause him to hesitate dod rot him he kicked me complained the deacon sue hi duzer it this turns out ter be his will after the old man had been told a few wholesome truths about the sacred nature of last wills and testaments and warned not to meddle with the public archives again tib did a little scout work through the statutes and at last announced that the will m st be filed with the court and this sir was a neat stroke of course mr remmy began to argue that tib was not a court of probate and hence had no jurisdiction but he caught himself in time and lowed hia voice tor he coulden couldn t dope out how hiram was to file his inspru ment ergo the defendants would win then up jumped mr bilger realia ing all was almost lost and began to make the same |