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Show CAR=1R Exclusive etcvenr 1007 Namestic Cars humor Howto keep your romance fresh A new book claims passion in marriage is dead. Hardly!Jim ‘Romeo’ Kokoris tells hows to salvage somesizzle. with never is. For help I turn to my friends John and Stacy, lovebirds who look, dress and act as if they were au- t was only after I had given my wife the basket of assorted tion is an absolute, unequivocal, “it depends.” For example, if your spouse, cheeses that I realized it probably wasn’t the most romantic of regardless of gender, looks like Ernest Borgnine, a good working TV may be anniversary gifts. Never, I your only hope. For most married couples, despite Nagler’s assertions, romance remains the key to keeping a marriage happy and vibrant. thought, had I seen a romantic ad proclaiming “Cheese is Forever.” Never had I heard anyone brag aboutreceiving cheddarella. My wife’s reaction — she looked as if I had just presented her with a severed human appendage — only confirmed my mistake. In retrospect, I should have opted for jewelry or clothing or, at the very least, some meat to convey my undying love. Yet, I had chosento say it with cheese. I tried to salvage things by saying something romantic, but everything | I’m getting back on the love train myself. I’m committed to rekindling the flame that everyday life (bills, children, immense weight gains by my wife and myself) is extinguishing. It won’t be easy. But sustaining a ditioning for an Obsession commercial. “Romanceis the soul of a marriage,” John says. “And spontaneity is As a result, ’'ve developed some guidelines that I’m hoping will infuse my marriage with some needed sizzle. the key to romance. Every so often, we They include: do something on a whim, like take a cruise or go to a bed-and-breakfast. Last month, we holed upin a hotel for the entire weekend and ordered room service. We just wanted to be alone.” After listening to John,it’s apparent that he and Stacy a) are rich b) have no kids c) have been mar- Pian a special night. Cook a romantic dinner. Drink some wine. Lie in front ofthe fireplace. Read some poetry. Take a long, leisurely bubble bath. Later, try doing some ofthese things with your spouse. ried a short time, Be complimentary. Nevertell your probably less than three months and d) have only a vague idea of how real life wife her new dress makes her look “nice and solid.” Never tell your hus- lifelong love affair with someone you share a bathroom us, whose idea of spontaneity is renting two videos instead of one, John and Stacy’s happiness offers inspiration. works. Still, to q could think of (“This cheese matches youreyes,” or “This roquefort was my grandmother’s”) rang hollow. Desper- band his new haircutis “just like Sam Donaldson’s.” Seek out positive things about your spouse, no matter how small, and call attention to them.(“I’ve always loved yourinstep.”) Remember, a little complimentcan go a long way. Act madcap. Like my friends Stacy and John, be spontaneous. Rather than spend another weekend night with ate, I offered to make omelets. the kids at Show-Biz Pizza, come home from work, throw a few The fact that I gave a dairy product to my wife and thought she would things in the bag, get a baby sitter, stop off for a bottle actually like it shows how unro- mantic I have become — which of wine — THEN go to is not necessarily a major problem, according to a controver- Show-Biz Pizza. Just rememberto be back before the sitter starts charging time and a half. sial new book by psychiatrist William Nagler. The book, The Dirty Half Dozen: Six Radical Rules to Make Rela- Make ‘an effort.’ Life isn’t The Love Boat. Romance doesn’t just happen. Sometimes tionships Last, claims that trying to keep romancealive in a marriage is impossible, so we should all stop trying. “All traditional approaches designed to keep the magic alive will just burn you have to workat it, sometimes you have to make an effort. So right now, put this magazine down,look your spouse in the eye, and tell him or her that he or sheis still the one. Then do something spontaneous,go to din- it out,’’ he said in a recent interview. “You can’t entertain each other forever.” Nagler’s book, as well as the “cheese incident,” forced me to ask some tough questions about the role ner, take a walk or (“what the heck, our marriage. It won’t be easy. But sustaining a why not?”’) go out and see a movie. Remember,it’s not what you do,it’s who you doit with. At least you can tell your spouse that on your way to Show-Biz Pizza. lifelong love affair with someone you Jim Kokoris is a humor writer based of romancein a marriage. In particular: 1) How important is romance to the success of a marriage? 2) Is it more important than a large TV set? 3) Is it more important than a large TVset that allows you to watch more than one station at once, including cable? I suspect the answer to this ques16 USA WEEKEND© October 11-13, 1991 i'm committed to rekindling the flame in share a bathroom with neveris. in Chicago. Illustration by Tuko Fujisaki |