OCR Text |
Show Family Weekly / January 8, 1971 of the Middle-Aged By THEGDORE IRWIN “What I see in the middle years,” he says, “is a continuing discontent with one’s self, a day-to-day self-appraisal and a continuing search forself-esteem. It’s pretty universal in this age group. “This dissatisfaction is more pronounced today than ever before. Behind it is the rapid rate of change, the ‘future shock’ that is reflected in the rapid obsolescence of skills and information. What a man learned in school has been displaced by new knowledge, so the ground has been cut out from under secure, he is inclined to feel trapped in work that is unrewarding and unchallenging. A profession or occupation that appealed to him at 25 may have soured by now. He yearns to feel important, to be somebody else. “Rather than acknowledge failure,” says Doctor Brim, “a lot of people try to switch jobs or careers. A salesman maytake fling at starting a small business; a businessman becomes a teacher; to him in his care and feeding. Although still proud of her home and family, there may come a time in her middle years when a woman wonders, “What have I done with mylife?” Despite the problems of middle agers, much can be done to enjoy these years, Authorities offer these suggestions: ® Size yourself up frankly. Accept your limitations. Remember that the image of who and what you are, and the foundation for your self-esteem, a teacher goes into the ministry. There’s a wild hunt for new opportunities.” him. He becomes uncertain about his ability to go on contributing productively on the basis of his training and present skills. “Wrestling with his happiness, the middle ager today is faced with the change during the 40’s and 50's. referred to as the “Foolish Forties,” when many peole seek renewedstatus; try to look, act, and sound youthful; and even flirt with the notion of chang- problem of adjusting to what he knows he can do and can’t do. That is, he realizes the discrepancy betweenlife as ing mates. In the “Frenzied Fifties,” increasing stresses andstrains may deplete he pictured it and his achievements— and he can no longer kid himself. A lot of people who can’t accept change hunt around wildly for new strong ageis the increasing concernwith health. their emotional and physical reserves. Another difficult aspect of middleAlmost overnight, mary people turn into hypochondriacs, attuned to every sources of bolstering their self-image.” muscle twinge. They worry abouttheir vitality. At this stage in life, the nervous I Doctor Brim’s view, the middleage syndromestrikes when an individ- system starts to lose its adaptability, and ualfirst realizes that he will never attain the dreams of youth. He looks back on throw them off balance. They begin to “bedy-monitor,” worrying constantly the past and reproaches himself. It is a time of reckoning. “Many middle agers,” Doctor Brussel about weight, hair, skin. Frustrations are converted to ulcers and otherillnesses, real or imagined. comments, “have a sense of unfinished business, a too-late feeling.” In this frame of mind, the average middle ager is apt to experience a variety of hanguys. What “bugs” him is A third major area of tension oncorapasses the two generation gaps that confront the middle ager; decisions that must be made about aged parents may even a trivial emotional setback can be much harder than those concerniug more than his outward environment. Like most other mature adults he is teen-age or older children. disturbed by inflation, crime, pollution, violence, rising taxes. But emotionally, the nest,” more uneasiness, develops. “Some parents actually experience a fear of no longer being needed,” notes Dr. Harold Bernstein of the University of California School of Medicine. “Up he is much more “up tight” about conditions peculiar to his age bracket. Although his job may be financially When grown children start “leaving A major frustration for middle agers is difficulty in communicating with youth. 1 1 @ To find contentment, even if ‘you feel strongly that you have not achieved all that you set out to do, the sensible This precarious period is sometimes Boredom with job during middle .age traps people in emotional rut. to this point, they have almost justified their existence on the basis of their children’s needs. They fear a sense of uselessness when they are forced to admit that their progeny can take care of themselves. This is an admission of an extremely narrow existence or a severely limited and rigid pattern that cannot be discarded.” Sex, too, becomesa disquieting factor in middle years. Generally, after 50, the average male believes his virility is waning. Depressed, he is unlikely to take it gracefully and mayfall back on physical fatigue as an alibi. Dreading a loss of manliness—and to boost his ego— a middle ager may be prone to seek extra-marital affairs. But medical au- thorities point out that the prime sex problem is emotional, not physical; that middle age means a slowing down of sexual activity in men, not an ending of functions. “Sex is an instinct and instinct never dies,” Doctor Brussei reminds us. When in this age bracket may suffer a feeling of loss at the “empty nest,” when grownchildren leave home, but many are really relieved because they have discharged their responsibilities and can now turn to new activities. With more freedom, they tend to become expansive and socially engaged. The woman in middle years will ask herself, “Am I still attractive?” as wrinkles appear, hair gets thin, and waistline tends to bulge. She, too, is ruffled by teeners. “I can’t even talk to Johnny any more,” or “Susy is always telling me how to dress,” are common complaints. The middle-aged woman worries less about her ownhealth than her husband’s and starts to pay more attention Technological progress has made many men feel inadequate, unable to cope. approach is to match your aspirations to reality. @ Strike out on a newly productive path, Harvard’s eminent psychiatrist, Dr. Erik Erikson, counsels. It's a time for rebirth. Find new diversions, exciting and absorbing interests, whetherit’s civic activities or new hobbies. Take advantage of your increasing leisure to broaden yourself inteliectually. @ Concede that physical changes do occur, but don’t assume that disabilities are inevitable. Many people reach a late age without incurring a heart attack or other major ilinesses. Watch your diet, take prudent exercise. @ For men,take a fresh look at your job or profession to uncover new insights and satisfactions. @ In the last analysis, whatever the focus of annoyance orstress, aware middle agers should bear in mind that they are still the powerful Command Generation—in their second and important “prime of life.” |