| Show wyT fw r www aw r dump TICKLE X sy BYRON the Y in the railroad once upon a time in an infantile metropolis of the west there lived a grandiloquent real estate dealer and an air castle carpenter the sedulous real estate agent was wars not dolne doing anybody wry very well and the other fellow lad tried everything and failed so they decided to start As might bo be expected they finally concluded that a nico nice little country vapor would be about the easiest money going of course neither knew a shooting shoot lne stick from a sheet but both were born barn editors edi tora and ac hu with the local publisher who know much anyhow and was getting rich at lit itt now my deduction Is eald sald bogomit the real man getting chesty I 1 that it if jobber who almost has paresis can successfully hood wink the public into liquidating wo we you and 1 I can make midas borrow a stack of blues in about six months and a traction I 1 tho the argument was philosophical and appealed to dolittle Dollt tle tho the fellow who very busy anyhow and they set off enthusiastically for tho the town junk pile vile where they unearthed a printing prin outfit aa i about two jerks of a mutton chops caudal appendage I 1 then they bought two excursion tickets rode as far as they had it printed on em and disembarking embarking dis be can gan a hot foot root up the railroad track toward stopa Is in the dictionary tio tlona nary ry but not on the map carry ins their shirt tall outfit between them they know exactly where they were or whither they were goding but it ws so av easy to make male money in the newspaper bus business iniss wherever there were people and green grass that it matter much anyhow and they trudged along joyously practicing practising on an the use of tho the editorial wo we ana and ye yo editor begs to acknowledge etc dolittle long lank and cadaverous iwas iwas carrying a bucket of ink in one hand a planer in the other and about this neck dangled ten feet of press tape from his pocket the editorial protruded at an angle of CZ degrees A fahrenheit or about that height 1 boodt short fat tat and oleaginous awe was igat staggering along under the weight 1 of a mallet a presa roller and in a grip full of type elcel thus they proceeded the land of the long felt want where people were lying awai awake ke nights about the light crop of news new and praying tor for more ralpl tho day was torrid and despite thir inner buoyancy the literary itin rants began to lather a little at the turn of the road and other places great areat globules of perspiration rolled down Do omIts body for ho be was reau and built like a keg of nails I 1 every few steps dolittle would stop and fan an tho the front of 0 his throbbing undershirt and suggest starting a siew newspaper on the spott theres plenty of green braes grass around here ho be argued waving his long arm in a semi circle ani anil wont the people chomg in omnibuses when wo ro gel got er started but better judgment prevailed and after A time they sighted a village huh Jc spirel then abruptly rounding a carve they came face to face with a Y in the madl on each eldo aide of tho the Y waa was a signboard ono read 0 a 8 MILES to WHISTLE C tick 1 antl ahe the other one 12 MILES to HOLLER and they went to whistle crick cick tho the entire populace of tho the crick timed turned out en masse to greet the new both poth squire dingee and oil 01 man dinker said mald subscribe the boy with a stone bruise on hia tits heel them thorn for a job and the seven yellow doga dogs wagged their tails as en as could be expected by utter strangers well dolittle Dollt tle and doomit an A bounced that they would begin with a writ e of the town and thy corner who was going to be bacin in business soon said maybo maybe hed advertise over tise after tho the first year if tho the pa por per showed evidence ovid evid enco of stability with light hearts doomit and dollt dolit ue un went to work they set a neat editorial card that read like this TIM WHISTLE CREEK mockingbird BIRD subscription arrico coc a year garden truck accepted abed E M JT evening t alexander Alexa bing ding manager at AL slaps m doll atle editor now ie lot the me time to subscribed ribel then they went out where the gheen grasa grass was growing and ost started arted to do business whenever hey met anybody they got the glad band and the yellow dogs barked hospitably but there seem to be any big contracts that night the Ilter literary arT gents dug a fow few greens and went to sleep alongside the railroad they were weary and somewhat aur but not discouraged discourage dl and here oh ob gentle reader begins begin 3 the tear splashed part of this narrative t abent midnight the fast mall mail train like a demon through whistle crick threw throw out a huge sample copy bundle ot of chicago papers tho massive roll went hurtling through the right odway of way liko like a torpedo through a russian cheesed and doomit slumbering with and dolittle Dollt tio beside the iron rail was struck and telescope dl iio no lived but a fleeting moment momen and tand his last words were partner dont give up or our editorial ship t alast poor Do doumitt omitt walled dolittle standing aloft while tears of woe woo fell with sodden thud upon the dead mans flannel shirt poor poor Door attl and wo we just getting such a good start I 1 then the chief mourner ran uptown and spread the direful saws ewal I 1 squire dingee shook bis his head sad ly and the corner comer said he had eit felt all along the town big enough to support a newspaper new dolittle Dollt tle dazed and weeping buns burg around all next da slobbering softly to himself but when the evening shadows fell aslant the cottonwoods and painted silhouettes on the bonom of crick he mournfully withdrew up the railroad track chanting a IL requiem of sorrow ns as he went the next day a russian lunk junk peddler swooped down upon whistle crick and its print shop with a writ of replevin the current issue of the trado trade paper said the whistle crick mockingbird has ceased to mock I 1 and the I 1 people lived happily ever afterward moral most any can start something born the mortgage lifter hall to the hogt host the american hogi host tho blebel plebeian grov elang thine of the bog bo the brielle r Is it mackeil a aked scurvy ot I 1 nned ignoble do doe 02 01 a IL hog host if 11 to the pir fhe the elop slop eating the tito unrefined wallowing stuffer of whig the u mouthed menial mental aou sou solofa ofa of a swig woof big pig I 1 iio ito to the BOW sow the fecund lous ous howl rhe rh teeter tit flabby chopped old row dy dow the bacal aak shaped rooty nosed old porker ers frail frau oil oh thou owl here heres to them all the ignoble pent the at hoioos of pig pit sty ty and ten en the muddy noted nosed tilted eyed savio nav loura urit ot of men on the carml sine bing ye a eone song ot of america hogi the dollar te ol 01 4 ar marked grunter built like a IOK log ilbe gold weighted scooter that clean clears away fog from th the fl warble oc of humming birds lovers and lace the rho poetic metre the th fair wor womans nans face dame mine symmetry form that Is faubli aeu in grace bit U the hoe hog remember ember the hog the squealing old bog hog that fatten fattens himself on our sour will swill la in the bog ITIs he in our bu Alness li IA banker I 1 cogl flue flus fat borki As the tho fall approached approach ee nearer and nearer come the rehearsal reDe areal echoes of the campaigner from his practice stump in the forest primeval rhetorical bombast reverberates from afar off like harbingers of the storm that sweeps in fury later on in the inimitable parlance of the gist were up agin it this Is campaign beart year I 1 A mean old geezer ge exer dov in new now jersey Is using hie his first girla to scare the rate rats from hia his hen house ho ito probably has forgotten uben ahen fathers shotgun scare him away from tho the original which proves he either have even oren rat sense la those days or Is to a complete deformity at the present athael this 13 1 the season of the year when the maiden malden and the awkward swain get got married rt at the county fair or the town carnival amid the plaudits of gathered thou thousand sande in after life it must be sweet music to their ears to bo known as that there couple thai that got tied at the berrien county fair about the hardest luck extant was that of tho the young man who married but three abren days was drawn on the jury and accepted in a case that bastid thre weeks with two days and nights for a verdict A man Is entitled to a for auch such service to hie his country many A man that kicks another when he be Is down refrains from kicking a dog when 1 V hag has a tin can tied to its tall our sympathy syn pathy misused baules la is frequently more ma ked than our pity for human beina |
