Show a' Ji g—?n jv ipaAW- - pf v v y Hial r HORIZONS 12E Sunday June 1 8 1 593 ii Sandard-Ex- r a'' a nrtnef Crushes: How to tell what is normal and what is not Teens frequently admire teachers By HJ CUMMINS News-Ja- were secret you thought And in you were silly - blushing and But they've remained sweet memories for years those chaste crushes you had on your high school teachers The recent news out of New York City has telescoped public attention to the dark side of student crushes - when they cross the line to romance as apparently happened when gym teacher Glenn Hams ran away student Christina Rowith his sado But the experts including child psychologists say this is rare that student crushes have been around since the coming of classrooms and that they are most often natural and even healthy episodes in young lives They It seems that no one has tallied these crashes unless they turn ruinous and spill over into the larger issue of sexual harassment in schools But everyone in or near the innocent sort - students teachers school counselors and parents - confirm the attractions “Crushes are very common and a most normal part of adolescence" said Susan Safranski president of the National Association of School Psychologists For all the complexities that fringe this subject - including a sexually charged society troubled kids and teachers anxious to avoid any hint g of allegations - experts emphasize that in all but the rarest of cases this is an easy issue It's a simple matter for parents to divine the good crushes from the bad even through the tumult of adolescence they said and to make sure their youngsters know the difference as well Now's as good a time as any to have that talk suggests Linda Dunlap assistant psychology professor at Marist College in Poughkeepsie NY career-crashin- Use the recent headlines as a reason to broach the subject with your children Dunlap said That particular story is a great example of the unintended and disastrous results of a teacher and student getting involved she said The fundamentals of child development explain most crushes Safranski said Adolescence is a time for youngsters to pull away from their parents and a time for imagining perfection Safranski said And given their recent fall from grace any perfect person probably w ill not be Mom or Dad but rather a teacher or coach These imaginings are sometimes a way of “practicing being in love” said Port Washington NY family therapist Carl Bagnini especially because puberty also is kicking in about now “Still if the grown-u- p responds usually a kid would run the other way They never meant for this to become real" Happenstance plays a role too Dunlap said Kids like grown-up- s simply tend to grow fond of people they spend a lot of crushes with a slightly higher level of eroticism The pats on the back the avuncular hugs are simply disappeanng from American schools they said Dunlap's general advice to parents is to speak openly to their kids about teacher crushes and to watch for signs of normal crushes They are usually short a matter of months and imbue the teacher with desirable but not magical traits “He's a hunk” vs “He's perfect in every way” "Reassure your kids that it's normal to fall in love with someone who's wonderful" she said But go on to explain there's a line that neither they nor the teacher can cross she said and be specific: It's OK to feel the way you do but lov e notes are not OK Your teacher can sign your yearbook but you can't go out to dinner together And so time with she said This is called the “mere exposure effect" Also Dunlap said crushes are more common among first-bor- n and only children youngsters who often are more than kids comfortable around grown-up- s their own age anyway Experts say some troubled teens will look for a grown-u- p to "rescue" them from their problems The real risk is when they approach an adult who has “rescuer" fantasies of his or her own "These people set themselves up as on everything they know everything" Bagnini said “And kids credit them with magical powers" These youngsters often are looking for attention they don't get at home Bagnini said “Magical powers" are not to be confused with the nurturing role teachers can - and should - play counselors said But even that is changing several teachers said as they worry about harassment allegations at the same time they believe sexually explicit movies and rock music are infusing student on “As with anything else it's important to keep talking to your kids to know what's going on in their lives so you know w hen anything is out of the ordinary” Safranski said GSS-- X® Now may be time Vr to ‘rightsize’ lifestyle By SUSAN VALASKOVIC Scrtpps Howard News Service YOUR PERSONAL Sometimes when we’re reorganizing priorities in our lives we need to do more than a mere spring cleaning more than just washing the walls and windows “Rightsize” your lifestyle I’ve stolen the term from business When businesses use “rightsizing” they mean reduce staff and ac- tivities to increase profit and productivity When I suggest rightsizing your life I mean restructuring how you use your time and money to enhance your satisfaction For example as the weekend approaches are you thinking “I can’t and maywait to plant my garden be seed the lawn” or do you think “I can't believe I have to work in the garden” The more “have to’s” associated with your life like “have to garden” and “have to paint the house” the more dissatisfied you probably will be Step back and really look at g your life and decide if major is in order Begin by looking at where you live Does it make sense? How long is your commute? Where do your friends live? Sandy a friend continued living in the house she and her built It’s a great house perfect for a couple who enjoy nature and each other’s company But it's isolated and a long commute from her job She needs to rightsize her life as a right-sizin- Organizer single person That means dumping the house and moving into town Look at how you spend your money Your spending should not force you to keep a job you hate or take a second job Bob hated his sales job He kept it to make the payments on his house and a sports car he loved But he rarely felt like driving the car because he already averaged 500 miles a week in the company car making sales calls My advice: Sell the house and car and find a job he wants Look too at how you spend your time Is your life filled with stuff you have to take care of and activities others want you to do? Or have you pared down your life to what you enjoy doing? The most important thing is how your lifestyle impacts your relationships You might make more money in a job that has lots of travel But if you give up the job that keeps you traveling three weeks a month for one that doesn’t pay as well it affords you time with your friends and family Susan Valaskovic a professional organizer writes this column for the Rocky Mountain News in Denver HOROSCOPE Forecast for Monday June 19 1995 mm Now Givin By SYDNEY OMARR Los Angeles Times Syndicate ARIES (March 21 April 19): Freedom of speech accorded you in connection with organization devoted to human rights Your words have impact more so than originally anticipated Clash of ideas involves Virgo TAURUS (April 20): Your voice sounds different todayl Focus on wisdom music coordination of plans with visiting family member March to the beat of your own drum make crystal clear you know where you are going -- - y - GEMINI (May 20): Define terms relate ideas to one in position of authority At times events seem to tumble backward All for a purpose you’ll discard extraneous material Pisces represented - CANCER (June 22): Study Taurus message Speak sing write enYou’ll bring order out of chaotic situation Love in creative endeavors gage relationship resumes Capricorn in scenario g don't get involved in LEO (July 22): Financial secret revealed scheme Overseas contact might provide markets for product talent One relationship totters another heats up Libra involved VIRGO (Aug 22): Drum up business! Stress originality showmanship color coordination entertainment Emphasize the new make fresh start exercise independence of thought and action Leo plays outstanding role ly - 23-Se- LIBRA (Sept 22): Unusual dining invitation extended by Cancer native Service or favor you undertook recently will now pay dividends Excellent hors d’oeuvres main course likely to be fish The Gift Registry at JCPenney can add a few With the nation s largest store and famous names to the guest list computerized catalog network within of your next bridal or baby shower your reach j our options Like Noritake® Royal Doulton® couldn't be more open Even for your i and Mikasa® making formal appearances friends and family Now they'll be able to access 23-O- in fine china Marquis by Waterford® SCORPIO (Oct 21): Display humor accent curiosity laugh at your own foibles Moon position highlights personal magnetism sensuality physical attraction Invitation to travel Gemini involved and shop from your gift list i- - 23-No- v c SAGITTARIUS (Nov 21): Put together four puzzle pieces - answer to dilemma comes in flash Moon position emphasizes structure design decision relating to sale or purchase of property Taurus figures in scenario n CAPRICORN (Dec 19): Duty calls! Relative seeks favor involves search for missing document Get message across via written word Gemini Virgo Sagittarius persons involved Flirtation - protect self in clinches! b 18): Gift received symbol of love realize your AQUARIUS (Jan own importance refuse to sing for your supper Money received in surprising manner - feel free to celebrate Taurus Libra persons represented PISCES (Feb 20): Promise made earlier will be fulfilled - faith in humanity restored! Hiding place revealed you'll feel as if part of spy thriller Message becomes crystal clear IF JUNE 19 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: You are independent creative original dynamic at times arrogant Father exerted much influence you are what some term an incurable romantic Leo Aquarius persons play major roles In your life Many times you are ahead of popular beliefsopimons You are not afraid of being a pioneer possess courage of convictions During July focus on partnership sale or purchase of property marital status Significant domestic adjustment takes place during November crystal stemware 22-De- Oster® 22-Ja- rifeand from anywhere in the US 4f & Along with Krups® vi &- v - §k Talk to one of our : professional Gift - other big 20-Fe- names m 15 4m Consultants and discover how our ’ the culinary world epr Expecting parents can request Gift Registry the presence of Carters® Sesame Street® ' j program can work Barney and Friends® for you and more your friends and Plus And for strollers crib coordinates family across town and all of life's and across other little the countrv necessities CALL © 19M JCPonnoy Company Ino I' |