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Show 1 p lumbia University Teachers (College psychologist Dr. EL J. Shoben Jr. On the one hand, being sent to represent their firm in transactions is a recognition of merit and possibly something of a status symbol. On the other hand, few men enjoy leaving their families for days or weeks at a time. The nations airlines have come up with their own solution to the problem. The best thing a traveling husband can do for his wife and his children too is to take them along, says Marion Sadler, president of American Airlines. American introduced a family-far- e plan 16 husbands to to take encourage years ago their families on business trips. They do, too in increasing numbers, says Sadler. Few companies object to the idea. Most agree with the policy of a household-chemica- ls firm which states: We have left this up to the individuals disalways cretion and pocketbook. We do not pay the expenses of wives unless there is a specific reason for her accompanyingher husband." Admittedly, the family treasury is not always able to withstand the extra expenses that such travel entails and it is impractical when there are young children. However, most experts feel that every wife should make an occasional effort to accompany her husband on his trips. Far from living it up on the expense account, as wives seem to imagine, most businessmen work even longer hours away from home than they do at the office. Nor are champagne and caviar the order of the day. The Dartnell survey, which covered executives from 85 companies, revealed that most prefer moderate accommoda--tions- , moderate food and drink. out-of-to- Its dumaT For the average man, the most trying aspect of a trip is the long evenings alone. Occasionally, I have dinner with a few But men friends, one executive says. more often I go to the movies. At the end of the week, Ive seen every show in town, and if its a small town, Ive seen some of them twice. Women who resent their husbands business trips, ''Says Dr. Shoben, are probably not aware of how really dismal the trip6 can be. In fact, Dr. Shoben feels that these women are often voicing their resentment about their husbands traveling when actually they are troubled by different antagonisms and frustrations. In some marriages,-- Dr. Shoben believes that occasional brief separations can be a healthy thing. There are cases, he says, of marriages between two very forceful people who might be happier if they were not constantly together. There are, however, some men who use the business trip as an excuse to live it up with wine and women. Frequently they retreat behind the excuse that these casual episodes have no bearing on their feelings for their wives. Dr. Lena Levine, noted New York psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, vigorously disagrees. The man who cannot behave when he is away from home is trying to capture the gay illusion of bachelorhood when he should be faring up to the responsibilities of marriage. This in itself reveals a lack of genuine commitment, of depth,, in his feelings toward his wife. Suspicion mines A common problem, in Dr. Levines opinion, is men who are faithful, but do nothing to allay their wives suspicions. They set up a smokescreen of secrecy, sometimes, she says, not even idling thrir wives where they will be, just leaving the information with their secretaries who are supposed to relay the calls. I think every husband should be specific with his wife about where he will be staying, how long he expects to be gone. And he should call her often. But Dr. Levine by no means exonerates the wives. The overdependent vrife can be as fatal to a traveling marriage as an unfaithful husband, she says. Such women find it impossible to get along without their husbands for even a day or two. Often they turn to alcohol or other men for comfort in their loneliness. These women must learn to stand on their own two feet, Dr. Levine says. They should take an interest in outside activities, and hobbies, and perhaps use the time when thrir husbands are out of town to devote to some interest which he does not share with them. Dr. Raymond Katxefl suggests that a man and wife who find themselves with a travel problem might do well to ask themselves quite seriously: Is this how we wont to lire Perhaps the periods of separation, the disruption of family routine, the loneliness are too much of a burden and the husband would be far happier in another poation, which will not force him to be away from his family If, however, both husband and wife are convinced that his job is right for him in spite of the traveling, (vopmcck) THIS l WEEK Magazta' May 24, 1944 IS |
