| Show is By Rebecca Ltswood MII ± With Adele Whitely Fletcher Cominsdlofl- - Speaks ©nut O Womiieiiifs LqIId Hcaiaetiies ©m Hen a marriage counselor I am concerned over the effect of Women's Liberation on American marriage Speakers and writers for the rapidly proliferating are organizations of this movement ofrepeatedly guilty of two major fenses in my book— denigrating men and suggesting that homemaking is slavery and housewives are slobs imMany women are emotionally mature enough to believe them Many men are emotionally immature enough to allow what they say to prejudice them against the good things Women’s Lib does Let me state up front that I am not Liberation I am in efsympathy with this movement's forts to eliminate the stupid prejudices that for too long have been unfair to women How can it be denied that women should be eligible for any job they’re capable of performing and receive the same pay for it a man would receive? Or that women who wish to work outside the home should do so providing suitable arrangements are made for the care of the house and children? To this end I am enthusiastic about the Women’s Lib’s program of establishing day nurseries for the children of working mothers However I am alarmed by the way many Lib spokeswomen seem to delight in inflaming the “battle of the sexes” and in driving a wedge between men and women husbands and wives In my opinion anything that tends to lessen friendship between the sexes is inevitably sad and impoverishing to the human race Until recently it was unusual for a man to initiate marriage counseling But during the past year many unhappy indignant and angry husbands have called me for appointments They complain that their wives are denying responsibility to their marriage harassing them with outrageous demands and calling them “male chauvinist pigs” obviously not a term the wives coined themselves As one bewildered man said: “My wife and I aren’t good friends anymore” anti-Women- ’s Undoubtedly there are male chauvinists who demean and enslave their wives They require her to account for every dime she spends they give her no personal allowance and keep their investments in their name only Such men certainly are the villains in many marital problems and even breakups But now there is a new villain to contend with This is the woman who believes she should have a salary for her work in the home and suggests that she is working only for her husband— and not for her marriage This Dr FAMILY WEEKLY March 24 1974 er Sedtch-on-the-roc- of “First Aid for the Happy ks com-plaining- Liswood is a practicing marriage counselor author 4B same woman who expects her husband returning from the job that supports his family to do the laundry and even bathe the children without realizing that she herself is being a shirker It isn’t the work they do that demeans these women— at least not in my view They demean themselves Listen for a moment to the complaints of a man we’ll call “Mr Smith” Mr Smith an advertising executive came to my office to seek help He felt that his marriage was coming unglued At work he said the women on his staff seemed much more temperamental than they used to be “And when they ‘act up’ and the work doesn’t get out I’m as exhausted as if I’d been digging ditches “After one rough day I looked fordrink my ward to the before-dinnwife always had waiting for me It’s no big deal for me to fix a But 1 liked the fact that she did it It made me feel appreciated “But that night instead of saying ‘Here you are Hon!’ she said ‘From now on Big Boy you’re bartender!’ I got the message She had been listening to a Women’s Lib speaker who intrigued her and she no longer was going to be my ‘slave’ “That was three months ago” he continued “Our house isn’t as warm or orderly as it used to be I have to drop off my shirts and suits at the laundry and cleaner on my way to the train The kids are starting to act differently too They’re beginning to act like their mother making a great fuss about carrying out the garbage or cleaning the garage or doing anything that isn’t what they feel like doing” This is not surprising Only when a mother respects herself-whate- ver she does— do children incline toward being cooperative I asked Mrs Smith to come see me During our conference I said “If you sincerely think domestic work turns you into a slob you should not do it But you have an alternative You can take an outside job— and pay someone else to look after your home and family” After thinking about it Mrs Smith decided she did not want to go out and get a job She was not happy about being “just a housewife” as she put it but it seemed the “lesser of two evils” Their marriage is now in better shape The wife at least is holding up her end although sometimes Understandably however is good feeling between the partners not what it used to be A Women’s Lib leader recently did a radio interview with a woman writer who referred to herself as a housc- is the in New York Marriage" and ly |
