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Show Page A16 - THE HERALD, Provo, Utah, Thursday, February 11, 1993 Lovers gain insight into each other's thoughts little book called. "The Owner's Manual" w ith a place to fill in the Knight-Ridde- r Newspapers name of your special other. It If you're like the rest of us, offers an opportunity to put your you're scurrying around looking love life on track and keep it By DR. SONYA FRIEDMAN lor a Valentine card that correctly says what you'd like to express to t!ie people you love. And, if you're like the rest of us you're having a tough time. For others, the bloom has already started to tade and you're looking for some way to put a fresh glow on the relationship before all you're left w ith is thorns. Fortunately, I have a combination of the perfect card and gift for this Feb. 14, an idea so terrific I'm surprised it was never thought of before. A marvelous there. Linda Ford and Beth Goodman put together a way for people to find out in a matter of hours whether Mr. or Ms. maybe the right one for them. And for those already in a relationship, this little workbook offers an ideal opportunity to make things better. Just by filling out a series of statements in a variety of areas of your lives, it's possible to get insight into how people feel and what their likes and dislikes are without spending a fortune on coun need to be prepared to answer." They are: How often do you see seling. Completing statements like: Five things that get me in a bad mood ... people and things that scare me ... my idea of a great time is ... my favorite gifts would be ... when I ask for romance what I really mean is ... I hate when people ... Think of how much unhappiness a book like this could save us if only we answered the questions honestly. And, it's because it's there in writing we can discuss the answers together. Of course, as my friend Barbara Kopitz, one of the beautiful, bright, over 50 and dating set, points out, "When I go out there's a new set of questions you (Continued from Page A15) addict feels when trying to kick the habit, he says. your grandchildren? How long do you stay with them? Do they come to your house to visit or do you go to theirs? And so with a new age of singles, there are new questions that are a part of the "getting to know you" and "do I like what I'm finding out" game. Linda and Beth have really hit on something, and while I'll suggest Barbara's questions to them for their next edition, what they have now makes a perfect gift. What would really be fun woilld be to buy one for yourself and one for your partner, fill them out and swap ... what a great way to begin a lifetime of conversations. If chemistry plays such a big part in love, can science find a cure for lovesickness? Might ads someday proclaim "Better loving through chemistry"? Liebowitz and a colleague explored the tantalizing prospect in experiments with "attraction junkies" people who seem to crave romance so much that they jump into relationships with jerks. Their lives are a cycle of depression and elation as one lousy love affair crumbles and another begins. Suspecting a lack of PEA in the lovesick, the psychiatrists gave them a drug that indirectly boosts the amount of PEA in the brain. Within a few weeks, one man started to make smarter choices in partners and even to be happy without a lover. Chemistry dictates how people feel as they love. But culture, Fisher says, determines whom, when and where they love. Culture even may convince people there's no such thing as love. In some societies, romantic love either isn't recognized or is considered subversive because it undermines the tradition of arranged and the embarmarriages. That rassment of studying something as has kept squishy as romance anthropologists from looking for love in all the exotic places. But lately, even anthropology is embracing love. A session on romantic love at the annual meeting of the American Anthropological Association in December drew twice as many people as a 1987 session on the God-give- n Isiesssna By JEANE DIXON For Feb. 12 ARIES (March 19): New material gains are indicated now. Those who are trying to capitalize on their creative or artistic gifts, as well as those in science, will benefit. TAURUS (April 20): Take the overview and look at your revised plans e from a perspective. Dreams could provide important clues. Seek professional advice if desired. GEMINI (May 20): You may be tempted to be a bit brusque with a customer or Practice sensitivity toward other people's feelings. There may be a need to change work procedures suddenly. CANCER (June 22): Someone in a position of authority may choose the path you must take now. Be a good sport. Travel is indicated for some. Getting away for the weekend will lift your spirits. LEO (July 22): This is not a k'ood- day for shooting from the hip. Freudian slips may give clues to your real needs or motives. Watch that body language! A move to new quarters may be necessary. VIRGO (Aug. 22): Public long-rang- dealings, business partnerships self-estee- m I saw taped to my something granddaughter's refrigerator in Ann . Landers )J Advice Columnist right between the eyes. It's too late for the mothers of but perhaps younger mothers will learn from what you have written. My message to all mothers is as follows: Constant criticism can be crippling. It destroys confidence and eats away at Praise, on the other is a great motivator. It hand, gives children a lift and encourages them to do better. People of all ages have an astonishing capacity to live up to high expectations. They can also fail miserably if they sense that nothing is expected of them. Your poignant letter bears testimony that these feelings endure throughout life. Thank you for writing. Minneapolis. It really hit my funny bone. Sorry I can't give credit to the author. Anyone who has a child under 3 years of age will see that youngster in the lines that follow: TODDLER'S CREED If I want it, it's mine. If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine. If I can take it away from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what. If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it is mine. self-estee- Dear Readers: The following declaration of independence is Gem of the Day: The following Thanks to evolutionary influences she details in her book, "the human animal seems built to court, to fall in love, and to marry one person at a time; then, at the height of our reproductive years, often with a single child, we divorce; then a few years later, we remarry once again." In other words, don't blame Mother when your marriage falls apart, blame Mother Nature. That doesn't mean marriages are doomed just because evolution might have had a hand in producing patterns that persist today, Fisher cautions. It's just that relationships seem to have "natural weak points" at which separation or divorce is more likely. By recognizing those breaking points, people may be able to anticipate and overcome them . And even if the breakup can't be prevented, understanding the biological and chemical underpinnings of love may help ease the When anthropologists do go looking for romance, they find it. A recent study of 166 cultures turned up evidence of some sort of report card: "Dear Mom: English is easy. Math are hard." not even a can beat our (IPj Men's Woven Stripe Shirt Retail Value $28 Men's Jeans Slip-up- Retail Value $34 Boys Denim Jacket Retail Value $48 c. w v it ft Boys Stripe Retail Value $16 Zr'&X'U Boys Denim Shorts Retail Value $24 Men's Print Retail Value $20 Men's Denim Family Affair. Shorts Retail Value $26 Girls Retail Value $6 Wrangler outfits families in style with jeans and shirts in contemporary colors. They're 100 cotton and available in sizes and styles to Girls Denim Jumper Retail Value $26 fit everyone-n- ot $n x I im $10 $13 nYU , : ?Y T: V XT rv $3 $13 prices $6 Girls Print Shirt Retail Value $12 $6 Girls Knit Skirt Retail Value $12 $15 $15 Misses Camp Shirt Retail Value $30 Misses Lightweight Zip Jacket Retail Value $30 $14 Misses Knit Shorts Retail Value $28 $8 Boys Fleece Zip Jacket Retail Value $19 A PC) Boys Fleece Sweat Pants Retail Value $11 X jw $16 $19 EUERYTHIHG IS just Mom and Dad. "ft I a mt M rLj $24 $8 n. They'll be tickled pink. That's one complaint about the provocative theory Fisher proposes in "Anatomy of Love." Fisher analyzed marriage, divorce and childbirth statistics from 62 diverse cultures and thoroughly reviewed other people's research on love, marriage and divorce. She's convinced that the consistent patterns she sees "ring of evolutionary forces." same subject. is a note that Junior wrote to his mother when he handed her a so-s- o and close ties receive new attention this weekend. Prominent people who share your optimism provide strong moral support. LIBRA (Sept. 22): New work methods or job projects hold great promise. Intellectually stimulating companions are a source of inspiration. Strive to strike a better balance between career and family interests. s SCORPIO (Oct. 21): are possible today. Protect funds and items of value. A brilliant brainstorming session gets the creative juices flowing. Heed the signals you are receiving in romance! SAGITTARIUS 21): A (Nov. hidden factor adds to the excitement of romance. A powerful new person could enter your life this evening. Dress up and be on your best behavior. CAPRICORN (Dec. 19): Guard your funds in the days just ahead. A lofty project could run aground. You have all you need and maybe more in romance. Your interest in a former hobby is rekindled. 18): Sharing AQUARIUS (Jan. confidences will enhance a new partnership". A banker or broker could make an important offer. A real estate or domestic jnatter demands immediate atten" tion. PISCES (Feb. 20): Be more receptive to suggestions from people who love you. What was difficult to discuss before can be approached favorably now. Attending a gala social event excites you greatly. v. the way we were raising our children. As a result of mother's constant criticism, one of my sisters weighs more than 300 pounds and has been seeing a psychiatrist for 20 years. Another sister is bulimic, a cocaine addict and floundering in a third marriage. My brother, who is a homosexual, is an alcoholic, has attempted suicide and has failed at everything he ever attempted to do. I made a lifetime commitment to it took me 30 guard the Yet to years every time develop. my mother would voice her opinion by "innocently" asking, "Di4 you actually wear THAT dress to work?" or more boldly, "Did you really mean to get a haircut like THAT?" I found myself feeling the same pangs of inadequacy I felt when I was 15. Ann, please tell all the mothers out there who constantly criticize their grown children that they are wasting their time and energy. It will not make a daughter a better housekeeper, nor will it get a son to improve his posture. All it will do is make her children uneasy in her presence and wish they were Alabama somewhere else. Flashback Dear Alabama: Your letter is sure to hit a few million people culture." ill-fat- Moms shouldn't crit icize (grown kids Dear Ann Landers: My mother died last week. She had four children. We are all in our 50s now, yet Mother felt until her dying day that it was her right to control, pass judgment on and set the standards for all of us. As adults, we were frequently embarrassed and angered by our mother who insisted on correcting our grammar in the presence of outsiders. Rarely did she come into our homes without making us feel inadequate about the way we kept house, our taste in furnishings and romantic love in 147 of them.' Where no sign of love was found, it may have been because of problems with study methods, say the researchers, Dr. William Janko-wia- k of the University of Nevada-La- s Vegas and Dr. Edward Fischer of Tulane University. "It's difficult to distinguish between lust and love, even when we ourselves are involved," laments Dr. Leonard Plotnicov, professor of anthropology at the University of Pittsburgh. "It becomes even more difficult ... when dealing with peoples of a very different LOVE: 1(0)3D CDM? 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