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Show Family Matters -- t? by Paul Steiner u Pi x.ll happyis 4' V?" I II w M M MS I UMMMS M WIM MMI ff r"'" 1 l s j w 111. j If mt .Kv' "M r H - .i--, in in in IM 1 'i':- - ' J "Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach, them good manners." Anon. J! T it ( r by Dicc Emmons gg group of young matrons who gather weekly' read chapters by experts on children's behavior, munch roasted almonds, and let their dinners burn to a crisp at home. One night not so long ago that I can't remember it with a shudder, Helen announced she had come to the conclusion twins were insecure. that our I glanced out the window and saw Davie and Dickie teetering along on top of the back fence, occasionally leaning over precariously to tug up my tomato plants. "Yeah," I said. "And so is my vegetable garden." "What they need is more fathering, as Kretchingham put it so aptly in chapter 14 of 'Some Siblings I've Seen.' He says is often caused by parental neglect, particularly on the paternal side." "How many siblings has he got?" I asked. Helen ignored me. "Go out and play with the boys. Let them know you're their friend. Do things with them." I started for the basement door but my wife whirled me quickly, calculated the direction, distance, and wind drift and hurled me out to the back fence. "Hi, fellas " I greeted the boys cheerily. "I'm your friend. Let's do something." "C'mon, we're pulling up plants!" Dickie shrilled happily. nsecurity '$ ','We got most of them," Dayie said. "Let's play zoo in the jungle gym! Daddy can be the elephant." The jungle gym is a labyrinth of horizontal and vertical bars carefully spaced to bark the male parent's shins, knock off his glasses, and thwack him in the pituitary when he straightens up. "Zoo" is a game in which the elephant, penned up in this maze, is poked with hoe handles by his keepers until they are tired of the sport The sun was beginning to sink in the West or was it the East? when the twins tired of it Freeing myself with my mighty tusks and still determined to lessen their insecurity, I charged after them, trump-t- o eting heavily. I ran straight into an ambush of water pistols. "You're dead, Daddy!" they insisted. "Fall down!" I fell down gratefully, curling my head on my arm and playing the role to theftilt 1 I' I ;'' "My youngest kid thinks I'm a square because I've never been to the moon." Bob Hope. . . "A housewife I knew back in Indiana was really business-minded. She bought a garbage-dispos- al unit and started taking in garbage." Herb Shriner. .' "Having children is hereditary. If your father and mother had no children, you'll never have any either." Robert Q. Lewis. X " Science Develops New Tablets 1: if k V 'A H K it K ch demanded. "Counting moths," I sallied weakly. J "Just when you were doing so nicely. The boys couldn't find you so now they're colf lecting stones." "Nothing wrong with that" I said, rising unsteadily. "Every boy collects things." "To throw at the garage window," Helen added. "IH call them in to dinner right now, but right afterward you're to play with "A modern home is a place where nothing can be accomplished if the current goes off." Comedienne " Ruth Altman. 1 'A "Get up, Daddy, and run around the house," Dickie ordered "We'll dry-gulhim by the back porch," Davie whispered loudly. I loped around to the front of the house, darted through the front door, and hid in the vestibule closet In no time at all Helen wrenched the door open. "What are you doing in there?" she ; "Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in constant hot water does not make them tender." Author Mary Buckley. , 5 remember the good old days when we used to spend our idle moments on the miniature golf course or regaling each other by playing "Knock, Knock, Who's There?" On clear days I can even see as far back as auction bridge. We used to have fun in those days. Lately, however, everybody I know is curled up with the latest book on how to raise children. My wife, once a gay, laughing adversary at the mah-jontable, has, alas, fallen under the dark shadow of child study. She is, I regretfully report, recording secretary of the Little Ways of Little Ones Club, a "There is something to be said for children they never pull out snapshots of their grandparents." Anon. - , - : r I '' "The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want to do and then advise them to do it." Harry S. Truman. TT f 1 f- f- ' - i; a, unhappy family families resemble one another; every unhappy in its own way." Tolstoy. Relieves Painful Monthly Cramps For 3 out of 4 Women Tested! Gives Greater Relief Than Aspirin! one or two ingredients but a unique combination of medicines. Thus offers more relief than plain aspirin! Acts to calm uterine contractions that may cause distress. Called "Lydia Pinkham's Tabformula is lets," the eaay-to-tanow available at drugstores without a prescription. So don't suffer needlessly. Take new Plnkham's Tablets yourself. See if youdont feel worlds better! See if you dont escape much of the irritability, before and during headaches or other functionally-cause- d discomfort distress . . . were also less jit- those "difficult days" each month. tery the week before their period! (For liquid . . . ask for Lydia E. The new tablet contains not just Plnkham's Vegetable Compound.) Boston, Mass. (Special) New relief for women who suffer tortures of monthly cramps, nervous tension is found In an amazing new tablet... developed especially to relieve this female discomfort. It offers greater relief than aspirin during that distressing period! Doctors report remarkable results. For 3 out of 4 women tested, pain and cramps were stopped or strikingly relieved. Even on the first day, many had no nagging Page 12: United Press. Cover: Pasha from Publix. J Page 6: H. Armstrong Roberts. TxWn ke ' Page 15: Fabian Bachrach. NOW It's easy to grow gorgsous Feed plants one Plantabb weekly. Clean, odorless tablets provide rich food all plants need. More blooms! Bigger blooms! Greener leaves! You're delighted or money back. At all garden depts. t them until bedtime." If this continues, we're going to have the most secure boys east of the Rockies. And the least secure father. fa . , V ' - i , Odoriu Plant Food Tablets ''"; ; SPECIAL OFFER: io wieks $uinY-- io Writ PlAMTAStS, Dn- - W , Rottimor 1 nmur. , Morytand Family Weekly Magazine, September 30, 1956 11 Y |