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Show DAILY THE CHRONICLE TAH U raves Cardinals, Rockies Will Rule the NL SHANE MCCAMMON Chronicle Editor in Ch,ef Usually, when somebody in Utah says spring is in the air, it means there are some slushy snowflakes falling to the muddy ground. As far as seasons go, spring here is It's those two or three weeks of morons air, kids wearing shorts despite the in of a the middle the out on playing playground non-existe- blizzard because they can't be cooped up any MTV viewing because longer, and we've got to at least see some people enjoying warm temperatures somewhere. Despite this. Spring Fever that annual rite that is usually accompanied by that terrible song, "The Boys Are Back in Town" still manages to bite a few of us. We call ourselves baseball fans. And for those of us who are sick enough to endure following a pathetic team over a season and weeks of drawn-ou- t playoffs, this is perhaps the best time of year, when the boys arc back in town, swinging their polished ash and pounding the old rawhide. So to celebrate and to kick off yet another baseball season, here is one baseball fan's idea of how the next seven months arc going to shape up non-sto- p 162-ga- for the National League clubs. NLEast 1. Atlanta Braves once stumbled upon a leprechaun in a Bud Light keg. He told me if I rubbed him, he would I grant me three wishes. The first wish? That a nuclear weapon be dropped on Atlanta, thus wiping out Southern rap, the headquarters cf Popeye Chicken...and the Atlanta Braves. I hate the Braves almost as much as I hate Joaquin Phoenix they disgust rne, they make me hurl and, even if they are America's team, they ain't mine. But still, they're the best in their division, which isn't saying much this year, but it's still a playoff berth. Somehow, the Braves still have the best rotation in the league with Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine and the returning John Smoltz. And, say what you will about him, bigoted closer John Rocker is pretty damn good at throwing a baseball. While Atlanta's offense will be about as good as the Hawks nobody except Javy Lopez, Chipper and Andruw Jones can hit the ball as the old adage goes, defense wins championships, and that's the one thing the Braves have. 2. Florida Marlins Yeah, yeah, I know, the Marlins in second? Well, I didn't want you all to think I lifted all of this stuff from ESPN.com, so this is my deviation. Yes, the Marlins are young. Probably the youngest team in the league, if you don't count that glorified AAA team in Minnesota. But the Marlins are good on both sides of the ball. With sluggers Preston Wilson, Cliff Floyd and Mike Lowell, expect to sec some soggy balls leaving ProPlayer stadium this year. And with guys like new catcher Charles Johnson, Luis Castillo and Mark Kotsay all of whom arc guys who should hit around .300 expect a lot of runs. The Marlins don't have a terrific pitching staff, but youngsters like Brad Penny and A.J. Burnett have all the potential to be the next Greg Mad- - This Week's Winner: Larry L. Smith (13-3- But the pitching staff will have those loveable lugs in Philly evoking the name of the Savior both as a swear word and as a desperate plea for duxes and Tom Glavines. And even if they don't fulfill that potential, they're no worse than the other pitchers in this division-I- s it enough for Florida to make the playoffs? Not even close. But wait a year or two and don't be surprised when the Marlins bring back a legitimate World Series trophy. 3. New York Mets You think Atlanta's offense sucks? Wait until you see the Mets'. They stink more than my kid's Diaper Genie. The good news is that the Mets will be on SportsCenter all the time, because when you've got an outfield that consists of Timo Perez, Benny Agbayani and Jay Payton, you're pretty much relegated to watching the highlights of your guys grounding into double plays. You're also relegated to watching other teams in the postseason. loser in New York is the biggest baseball because it lost its ace, Mike Hampton, to the Colorado Rockies via free agency. They also lost Derek Bell. That was a joke. Still, without Hampton, the Mets will rely on a starting rotation of Al Leiter, Rick Reed, Glendon Rusch and Kevin Appier not exactly a staff that strikes fear in the hearts of the NL's elite hitters. Basically, it will be a tough season in Queens. non-Bra- those innings to end. The Phillies will be fun to watch, but if you're a fan, just change the channel after Burrell hits a home run. 10-r- 5. Montreal Expos So how long is Vladimir Guerrero going to stick with this sad sack of sorry losers known as the Montreal Expos? And how long are the Expos going to stick with that sad sack of sorry losers known as the citizens of Montreal? If there was ever a team that needed to move, it's Montreal. And, keeping with the annoying cyclical nature of this segment, if there was ever a player that needed to leave his team, it's the Guerrero. The guy is simply the best player in baseball. He can hit for average (.345 last year), he can definitely hit for power (44 homers, 123 RBI) and, good god, he can field too! But it won't matter. The Expos will suck. The club has brought in Fernando Tatis and Jose Vidro, but it still won't be enough to keep the Expos out of the cellar. And unfortunately for those few Expo fans out there, it won't be enough to keep Vlad happy. off-seas- 4. Philadelphia Phillies NL Central Somebody please tell the Phillies management they are really, really dumb. Ricky Bottalico? Jose Mesa? These are the guys you want on your pitching staff? The good thing about Philadelphia's front office is the youngsters they're bringing along. iBOF Pat Burrell should have von Rookie of the Year last year and will hit 40 homers this year. He will have Phillies fans evoking the name of Mike Schmidt. 1. St Louis Cardinals Everybody is wondering if somebody can beat the Yankees, and a lot of people are pointing to the Cardinals. It's a nice thought, but that has a as good a chance as Rick Ankiel throwing a strike. The Cardinals are a great team to cheer for. see NATIONAL LEAGUE, page ) Pick who's going to win, rip this out and in at The Chronicle office, 240 Union by 5 p.m. on Friday. 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