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Show LEHI FREE PRESS, his Foot the Rail and try his darnedest to Drink a Glass of Lager without making a Fare? Because he had learned that be had to burst on THE FABLE OF BEING A TRUE SPORT 88 By GEORGE ADE fe BcU ayBdicat. there NU turrit. wu a rery small and Urchin who before be bad beeo on the rianet many Moons, that no la dividual attract favorable Attention unless be exhibits a certain Amount of alluring Cussedneaa, He found out, as ail kids of Normal Intelligence must find out, that his Elders laid down for him a strict Set of Rules which they took great Pleasure In busting to Smithereens. As soon as he could sit ca a hard adult Knee he was warned that, during the Tears to come, be must be Polite, Unselfish. Industrious, and economical. A lot of the Folks who slipped him this rare Dope were and crabbed and lazy and wasteful, but what of It? Among Parents and Relatives the Big Idea to be worked off on the Youngsters is, "Do as I aay and not as I do." had told Many a Clove-Eate- r him that when he grew up he must exshun Liquor. The Poker-Player-s plained to him that Good Little Boys played Marbles for Fun, and not for Glassies and Aggies. Uncle Fred, with both of his Vest Pockets stuffed full Connecticut-wrappeof rive Centers and smelling like a Smoke House, would warn the little Man that he must never, never form the Tobacco Habit No wonder Grlswold, when he was 8 years of Age, sat down one Day and figured It out, in a Spirit of utter Cynicism, that Life was a Bunk and Old People were whitewashed and conventional Virtue offered absolutely no Inducements to a Lad of Parts and ambition. Even at that Early Age he felt stirring within Himself an outlaw De-sire to be a True Sport He took note of the Fact that all of the Juvenile who were held up as Models of Deportment to the Ornery Youngsters were pale and had sea shell Ears and wore Shoes in the Summer Time and didn't seem to be getting anything out of Life and were loathed by the Rising Generation. Early Vices of a On the other Hand, all of the Hard Eggs who could fight with their fists and went swimming In the Crick before the Ice was out and carried and had a standing Feud with the Town Marshal they were talked about and admired and quoted and surrounded by cringing Courtiers. Griswold was groping toward a Fact which has long puzzled and discouraged a good many Moralists. Robin Hood remains a glorified figure, but who is Interested In John Bunyan? Captain Kidd has an enduring Fame and Is beloved by Thousands who never beard of the Archbishop of Rollo goes into the DisCanterbury. card but Huck Finn remains a luminous Hero whose shocking Vices endear him to Old and Young. MorThe trouble with stralght-laceality, as practiced In a perfunctory Manner In so many Communities, is that It holds out no glittering Inducements. Griswold, or "Grlz," as he was addressed by his Colleagues, knew, even at the Age of Eight, that he never would be respected as a coming Buffalo Bill or John L, Sullivau merely because he washed behind the Ears and saved up his Pennies for the HeaIt was understood among the then. Lads of his Gang that the Good Ones were going to escape burning in Hot Flames but, aside from that, they had no Prospects. It seemed to Griswold that if he wanted to be a cowboy or travel with a Circus, he had better demonstrate an immediate spirit of Bravado by learnWhen he made this ing to Smoke. manly Resolve it was still possible to get Pittsburgh Stogies at two for Five, while a very good quality of Cheroot could be had out of a paper Box, at any Grocery Store for Three Cents each, two for Five, or twelve for Two Bits, so that the foul Nicotine was, as you might say, within the Reach of AIL If he finally could puff at a Twofer without getting dizzy, it was because he showed the Optimism and dogged Determination that are demanded of any one who would learn to eat Olives, play Bridge, reduce the Weight listen to an Opus or read Hindoo Poetry. By the time he was In his Teens he owned a Pipe and painfully tried to use the kind of Language that would have horrified his Sunday School Teacher, and he had a Record on account of plnytng Hookey, smashing Windows and stealing Watermelons. The Sporting Coda of Honor. When a Boy who is brought up In a Refined Home and surrounded by all of the Civilized Influences, shows a s vide Streak of Wickedness, some say that he is proving the Doc trine of Original Sin and others say that he is reverting to the aboriginal type and the Neighbors say that his Tarents have neglected his brlnglng-up- . But Griswold and all of the other Juvenile Apaches know that they are trying, with all of their boyish Strength, to live up to the Teachings of that Powerful but Secret Fraternity of which every restless Kid is a loyal Member. They are trying to be True Sports because they know there is an Unwritten Law to the EiTect that the No Goods will be ostracized, eoffod at and branded as Mollycoddles. Why did Griswold, a little later, put ONCE high-grad- e d Sep-ulche- Par-ago- l. Nigger-- Shooters d semi-crlmln- Per-eon- through the swinging Doors and pound on the Bar la order to acquire real Standing aa One of the Boy a. He didn't have any more Craving for Beer than had the other thousands of dauntless Heroes who tried to consume it before it was driven across the River to Windsor. It tasted tike Spoiled Rain Water with a Pickle in it As for Red Stuff, the first Swig of that was like swallowing a Kerosene Torch. Even after he had acquired the Standard Vices, tt became evident to Grlz that he would nut be regarded as a True Sport unless he could hang up a Performance such as one of the Following: 1. Sit In the same Chair for 14 Hours playing Draw and then appear unconcerned after being nicked for a Month's Salary. 2. Go to the Race Track and listen to a tout and plaster all the Currency on a Crippled Goat that comes in just before they are starting the next race. 3. Slip out at Night and attend a Wild Party at which great Sums of Money are devoted to the Purchase of Partridges and Champagne for Ladles connected with the Theatrical Profession who were brought up on Soda Biscuits and Young n.vsnn Tea. 4. Feed the Rent Money to a Rou- lette 5. I IT AH sure-enoug- h litis-Bee- 200-Yar- e k Aged Cow Give Up and Appear to Prefer Death As oJd age overtakes some cows they get tired of living and just He down to die no doubt reasoning that life isn't worth the effort it takes. These fits of despondency Invariably occur in winter when range life is at Its toughest When a cow decides to die, writes a correspondent in the Kansas City Times, nothing can stop her. After you hnve worried and strained "tailing" her up, she'll turn around and make a run at you, then fall down again as much as to say, "Go on away and let me die In peace." I have even had them, w"hen down, refuse hay that I'd packed to them on horseback. I have found other younger cows, in worse shape physically, that seemed to appreciate It when you got down and helped them get on their feet so they could pick a little something to eat and carry on. A cow heavy with calf is usually willing to do almost anything to survive, but an old cow that is barren seems to lose heart and want to die. If you still think cows are dumb, just go out and live with them for a few years, as I have, and see how many things they know that you hadn't thought of yourself. Persimmon Bezoar bezoar Is any of various concretions found chiefly in the alimentary organs of certain ruminants, and sometimes man. Formerly these concretions were supposed to have remarkable medical properties, especially as antidotes to poison. A persimmon bezoar is one of these stomach balls, something like a hair ball from the stomach of a butchered cow, resulting from eating persimmons. Some of the skin, pulp and seed are not digested and form into a persimmon bezoar, or stomach ball, which may necessitate an operation to remove It A Rapid Change of Sex The oyster possibly holds the record for a rapid change of sex. The "native," for Instance, may turn from male to female and back again as many as four times within 13 months. The Portuguese and American oysters, know no such enough, strangely change, remaining male or female throughout life. Hour-Gla- ti Spider spider Is of ordinary size. Its abdomen Is globoid and its general color a shiny black. Under the abdomen Is a curious red markIn ing, resembling a small hour-glas- s shape. Sometimes several red dots appear on the abdomen. hour-glas- fray Smart Simplicity of Casual Dress PENGUIN MOST AMUSING BIRD By CHERIE MCHOLAS Life and Habit, of This Queer Polar Resident. Pr.Pr.d OJf-Wwhintftoabr K.tkm.1 D- .WW . 1 5 'i" 'mil iM -- n 2 L-nv- V n Vx. . k be really chic, must carry that casual look about them which nothing other STYLE SAYS WHITE COSTUME JEWELRY By CHERIE NICHOLAS Never such a "white" season as this. Fashion especially spotlights white It's white pique pique accessories. for hats and scarfs, white pique for belts and bags, shoes and gloves while the new little white pique Jackets are quite the rage. In tune for this feeling of fashion for white a prominent designer of American costume jewelry has created most unique bracelets, earrings and brooches which amusingly and smartly resemble pique in both ribbed weaves A happy comand waffle patternings. bination this white pique accessories together with white costume Jewelry, and Is there anything more flattering than white? By the way, speaking of costume Jewelry reminds us of the adorable little crystal nosegays which this same designer Is conjuring out of crystal and beads and such. These sparkling little fantasies are both in flower and In berry form. One type has a receptacle for perfume. Latest thing in way of boutonnierres to wear with your smartest of smart summer linen tallleur! chosen, only be sure to wear a dark blouse with for such Is fashion's decree. it That the combination of a dark linen suit blouse with a Is good to look upon you will agree, after taking note of the stylish outfit the young woman to the left In the picture is wearing. Hers Is a heavy white linen suit, the weave being of that desired spongy unwrinkable sort which gives it "class." The red and white plaid blouse carries a bona fide style message. The oxfords are made of the Identical linen which fashions the suit Notice the eyelet embroidered design which trims them nothing less than the very last word in summer sports bootery! With the exception of the emphasis placed on black and navy linen this is turning out to be very much of a pas tel season. The pretty lassie centered above knows her colors In that she has selected for her cape frock subtle "dusty" pink crepe. The large buttons are also pink. Her delicate sandals are made of wisps of white kid woven together across the toes. White kid footwear is the rage for summer. The Idea of a dark blouse with a light suit makes appeal to the modish creature seated. The red and white print silk of her blouse contrasts effectively with the chalky whiteness of her crepe frock. A red band on her white hat, a large red and white button fastening her cape Jacket and last but most Important, her red and white kid sandals Interpret the popular vogue of red and white. Tiny pin perforations trim the red vamp and ankle strap of these shoes. light-colore- d ffi. 1933, Western Newspaper Union. penguin colony of the zoo recently presented a problem to its keepers Antsrhen these natives of frigid bronchitis. from suffered arctica muffler! were Among other things, to save the attempt an in provided hunseveral worth birds, which are a dollars pair. dred of While there are several species Antarctica, of Adelle the penguins, to which was a source of amusement exmembers of the Byrd South Pole most enterpedition, is, perhaps, the taining. nothThe Adelle penguin resembles litrotund aolemn. a as much so ing tle old gtntleman in starched shirt coat And the blrd'a and swallow-tai- l as habits are strange as his appearance. Ke spends his whole allotted span within the Antarctic Circle, supice and plying that desolate region of snow with one of Its few notes of which life. His wings are water-wingserve him for naught in the air. Like man, be proposes to the lady of his heart by proffering her a stone. He walks erect, toddling along with a precise and preoccupied mien, though bent ou some most important business, but more often than not this attitude is only a pose. Time is really no object to him, and after hurrying away in one direction he is likely to turn and retrace his steps or dash away !n some other. Perhaps he may even stop suddenly and, tucking his head beneath a flipper, go calmly to sleep. If pursued or desiroua of moving over soft snow In a hurry, he turns himself into a toboggan by dropping breast down on his and skidding gayly along, propelled by both feet and flippers. Indeed his ldiosyncracies ere legion, and they make him the most interesting of Antarctic creatures and endear him to every explorer of the desolate South Polar regions. Belongs to a First Family. This strangely manlike bird is truly an F. F. A. (First Family of the Antarctic), tracing his ancient lineage back to those halcyon days of the earth's youth before the coming of the NICHOLAS r I if ' t If slip-ove- s New Coat Slim The new coats are slim and molded as to silhouette, but they do things In big way when It comes to fur. Shoul tiers are broadened by huge collars and the fur is the long haired type. . JJ .iC?W Tiy p j KU1H HIS SOU! ft construction sir- - of .: ' oi?4 wulUItf. fill,.a . uucu win desire and he long, to wita more and better twi. little N " 53i,r' l " Soon he covets rw. I '" . . ml notehhnr'a f... broken one mmn,j . farther alon th . wu6 uSagea u tttiB- he can while the neighbor ing. Constant vigilance it the sri, ' on f Invest! gtit bad " iD the n not 'ur seeping i low under one's feathers KoatWj la t Deneulns. f Aner me newivwedn k. t I cuuuSu m iae gentle tr, A , known tat r , 1 il ; j ; Now that eveiyone has found out that there is nothing In the way of a costume more effective and flattering than a pretty summery frock worn with a summery colorful, lvet wrap, designers are giving special attention to creating perfectly stunning coats made of velvet, which of course Is as a feather" or as dainty and "light delicate at for chiffon, velvets are Just like that The model In the nowadays. ptctuM Is fashioned of smoke-nruvelvet Most of the velvet wraps 'n Indulge huge bows as does this one, which them makes all the more attractive and youthful looking. The sable fur bandings on the sleeves are mounted on chiffon colored to the y velvet tain a nest two eggs an laii, process of incubation comment T lasts about a month, with both fel participating, for they have i parental instinct and sit patlcntijl long hours at a time to protect eggs from the harsh Antarctic Mife) While sitting on the nesti, hen j,J amuse themselves by attempt! reach out with their beakg and Ej stone from the pile next dow. B jl lectea, ana tney frequently irt is a signal for a squabble, ant tii out leaving their nests, the two try to bite out each other'i fan Happily, they seldom succeed Chicks Are Always Hungry. v nen natcned, the cnicki are balls of sooty down, and they tnelr Daby clothes" for some we before exchansins them fnr j n euiu iig 1 feathers. They start getting biA soon after they are hatched, and tlnue in a state of unappeased tlte as loner as there la th muiwf empty space within their elastic jwal bodies, Adelles live largely on a small, Rt shrimplike crustacean which warns amazing numbers In the Antarctic ass There Is little or nothing fortheaj eat on the land, and therefore, the chicks are fully developed and il to take care of themselves In the r ter, they must be fed. This their i ders accomplish by means of regnrgfc tlon. The bogy man for baby penfJs takes the form of a skua rol 115 unpleasant bird conceives its mte In life to be the prevention of idJudg- epopulation among the Adellea,andi on h be unto the unwary chick which we comrades. H its lers away from SVitnes marauding skua wyi drop dowa ccnsi few savage a and with it ide Is. f its strong beak end the (M arthly career and feast upcntlw nalns. Adelles have never been snccessM; Hof transplanted from snowy wastes. ever, some of their cousins haYi k vived the milder temperatures of & rope and America and are to hew in certain of the larger zoological piaens. i One may visit a pair at the Nation! I u. Zoological park at Washington, As v J" and find them well disposed. enter the Inclosure both of them ec forward with grave and dignified H rneanor and emit "quaarks" or p J" Coming closer, they gl Ing. n rnrefiil tnsnectlon. out of first then eye and then the other, and i resignation of an air down with W boredom. an expression of utter until feelings are a bit ruffled their that n satires VOU havior is due to the keen disappoW; ment they experienced on nnamg - 1 Wo : i Then, In a temperate or perhaps even tropical climate, it is probable that his ancestors flew like other birds. But as centuries passed into ages and cold crept over the land, killing all vegetation, the penguins were forced to seek sustenance in the sea. Eventually their wings adapted themselves to the new mode of life and became the flippers that they are today. Adelie Is a gregarious creature, and in October and November (the Antarctic spring) he congregates, along with countless thousands of his kind, In great rookeries. There the age-ol- d business of choosing a mate is his first consideration; but as with true love elsewhere, the course of his romance is not always smooth. After deciding In his own mind on the fair lady he would wed, he must not only wiu her favor but also vanquish whatever rivals may present themselves. In achieving the first of these designs, he takes a small stone in his beak and lays It humbly at the lady's feet This gift Is accompanied by a soulful gaze from his eyes and an unmelodlous "quaark" from the bottom of his heart Very likely he will have to repeat this performance a number of times before he succeeds in breaking through her bashful feminine reserve; but he is nothing if not persistent, and finally she yields to his importunities tp the extent of giving him a critical glance. Thus encouraged, he assumes his grandest posture and Invites further inspectioa If he pleases her, the lady squawks her approval, he adds his vocal efforts to make it a duet and both sway and stretch and gaze heavenward In an ecstacy of penguinal bliss. white-rimme- I! ' d great glaciers. SUMMER VELVET Bt CHERIE smooth-feathere- The Penguin, Resident of Antarctica. Fashionable Women Now Match Sweater to Skirt As a change from the theme of color contrast, smart women are matching up sweaters and skirts this season for If a little added active sportswear. dash is needed, it Is supplied by ban danna scarf, belt or hatband. Pastels are the favorites. There are luscious shades of peachy pink, lime green, soft yellow and linen blue, which have been developed In homespuns and basket, weave tweeds, with exactly matching sets of cardigan and r to go with them. .. s, r0UR daytime clothes to than accidental-on-purpos- e simplicity can accomplish. It is a knack to be coveted, this of dressing, to all appearance, most simply, yet proving a hundred per cent perfect to the mode, even down to the slightest detail. The sentiment to draw a definite line between formal and Informal apparel Is more noticeable than ever this season. At the same time that dance frocks and evening attire are taking on more froufrou, returning unmistakably to an era of swishing silks and fluttering frills and ribbons and flowers, when it comes to clothes for the casual daytime hours at the club and about town best dressed women are playing up a role of sophisticated simplicity with all the art they possess. The very materials themselves are tuned to this movement which demands that one look casual and easy and confident In debonair and nonchalant outfits during the shopping hours and at outdoor events. There are, for Instance, the new linens which at this moment are utterly swagger for suits and coats. Mark you, we are not speaking of linen as it was known In days of yore, the same which used to start out In the morning all fresh and Immaculate and which, almost before one could reach their destination, would begin to wrinkle up and be In a sorry plight. Modern linens are not like that The new linens pride themselves on being non crushable and, what's more, they answer to the call of fashion for textures which are soft and sometimes even tweedy In appearance. A black or a navy linen suit Is considered too smart for words. Maybe you prefer gray or the string color for your linen spectator sports or suit Couldn't be anything more correctly m. on h!a will sit serene!, br do battle. EvemutnTaJ2 . will beat a fnr Wl I.Ut the tpoU. of war toT? After courtship eom,, business of net buUdi...HJ j bfL ls accompanied b, "'T'&iit! f --14. Adelie's nest consist. (urioui of small stones, auit. onenea witu lining; Milan wT; a est ly for the peace of thlT I . th munitT. thr iw UK"' It a sufficient SUrml.,1.1 . 6 around. Th. t temptation enter " ... . - THE Wheel. Bet in a Loud Voice on every Election Result. 6. Never, under any circumstances, express a willingness to terminate a Party and go Home. Giving Credit Where It's Due. It is no easy matter for a Man who is trying to get a Football In the Business World to perform all of the blithering Idiocies Involved In the foregoing Tasks. The Point is that when It comes to hot Sport being a real, the Rules of Common Sense do not apply. There are certain TrHflltioijS aud Precedents which must be observed. One must know how to part with a large Hunk of Money aud never bat an Eye. If the Money really belongs to the Creditors, that makes no difference. Usually It does. Well, Griswold kept on being a True Sport until he nearly ruined his Health, so now he is living out in the Country and letting somebody else Diamond Sunbursts for the buy Wives of Bootleggers. Some people think he is a but he got quite a Thrill the other Day when he tried to make a Shot, over Water, with a Niblick. He was Rotten and the Divot went almost as far as the Ball, but he was very much pleased to hear a Spectator say : "Well, you've got to give the Old Bird credit for One Thing. He's got his Nerve with him. He's a Sport" Which ts true. Prohably they will that he was put It on the Head-Stona Real One up to the Time that his Stomach, and Nerves and Pocket-Boogave out MORAL: Better ride In an Ambulance than be known as a Piker. The ' d Rivals Have Vicious Fights. But gentlemen penguins are not only good lovers, they are extremely pugnacious as well, and when more than one Romeo Is attracted to the same Juliet a merry fracas is likely to ensue With beaks and flippers they go for each other, delivering vicious cuts and stabs and raining blows about them with such speed that the eye can hardly follow. If the fair object of all this excitement has a preference for one of the combatants, she may enter the OK When 'the new wing ofttebWWj at the Washington .nri nf it i rn hold zoo Is bunt a laree i glassed in Ice machines closure. Within this, tn Mota on AntnrrtlC atmospnere, of which It Is hoped that a lony Pl unu gums win live means science will yet devise a weU cannot who us of by those nevertheless to the South polo may joy the captivating drollery Adelle penguin, most interest dents of Antartica. Dead Sea Isn't "Deadly," But Saltier Than The Dead sea, lowest body known to man, is constantlyotn the River Jordan and manymore 0 ers, yet Its level remains than constant In spite of the fact no known outlet .h. Lvlne 1.202 feet lower thantne face of the Mediterranean, sea is filled with water elgi" the ocean. salty as the water of fact tna is due in part to the over fed by streams passing salt and partly to the fact W evafl is kept constant throuRh 1W but whhch takes out water, ' salt behind. saTO In spite of its extreme Is inhabited by certain typ salt which seem to find the cap- - ik miles rf A ' to The lake Itself Is about n with widths varying from D"n 5 the miles. There is little the seu because rain seldom Th rtooninto nature of i"wi.... in surrounding it, together water, ri,;& tremely distasteful an t name Dead sea decidedly bene although the ancient are it fumes rising from gtgI. no basis in |
