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Show VISITOR GUIDE Park Ctty weather Mid-week mood swings and scattered tantrums clear the way for frisky weekend. r . V --N. Gentle readers, as you peruse this issue, please keep the following in mind: "The first of April, some do say, b c apart for All Fools' Day. But why the people call it so, nor II nor themselves do know. But on this day are people sent on purpose for pure merriment. - Poor Robins Almanac RM) 1 w SftU LUKt LHY ui 50 I ( Serving Summit County since 1880 .in .wvv.parkrecord. com VOL. 124 NO. 1 5 WedThursFri, March 31 - April 2,2004 SMlftft Moose tear trough the streets of Park City ld 3Jp Giant sculptures go on a rampage causing JP terror among tourists. Page C-1 .dry in i"i -I Kerrmart to offer latest in political fashion MATT GOOGLEfi4fW RECORD Kerr finds niche in government arena for fashion-challenged By N. CHALADA Record nag In somewhat of an ironic turn of events, the former Park City f'ouncilwoman who coined the phrase "We're not Kmart people," announced Monday that she has inked a deal to buy the vacant kmarl building at Kimball Junction. Quashing rumors that her secret ambition was to edge out Utah Governor Olene Walker for a page in the history books as Utah's first ELECTED female governor, Kerr claims she is giving up politics for her first love - fashion. From atop her perch at the controls of a bulldozer bull-dozer on the site and sporting matching lavender laven-der overalls and hardhat. Kerr granted The Park Record an exclusive preview of her new venture Kerrmart. According to the entrepreneur who still has eight months to serve out her term on the Summit County Commission, it was imperative to begin work on the site immediately, "while 1 still have some say in the planning process," she said with a wink. Kerrmart will focus on fashion for the politically politi-cally active. With experience holding public office at both the state and local levels, Kerr said she knows how stressful it can be to find the right outfit for, say, a whirlwind trip around the world to visit International Olympic Committee delegates. Over the last decade Kerr said she has made public appearances at rodeo arena ribbon cuttings, cut-tings, legislative committee meetings, on a former for-mer mayor's motorcycle, in a four-man Olympic bobsled and in district court. "Selecting the right outfit for the occasion can be critical to a public figure's success," she said pointing out that Omnimedia mogul Martha Stewart made a fatal mistake by toting a (iucci handbag to court during her recent trial. "By strolling into the courtroom flaunting a $600 bag, she alienated the female members of the jury who were mad that they couldn't afford a designer purse, especially since they were losing los-ing out on valuable accounts at their own companies com-panies because they had to serve on Martha's jury," said Kerr, adding that a wiser choice would have been a brown paper lunch sack. Kerr said that much of her success as a Park City Council member was due to her ability to look snazzy on the slopes, on the golf course and behind the podium at City Hall. "My constituents con-stituents knew that when I represented them here or abroad, I didn't look like some crazy sister sis-ter wife from Utah." For the newly elected, Kerr offers a full range of styles from ultra conservative navy blue blazers blaz-ers and khaki Dockers to radical-chic tie-dye leeshirts and Birkenstock sandals for confrontations confronta-tions with animal rights protesters and environmental environ-mental activists. Please see Commissioner, A-2 4 SECTIONS 48 PAGES Agendas A-8 Automotive C-1 8 Business B-7 Classifieds C-1 3 Columns A-14 Crossword C-4 Editorial A-15 Education A-9 Events Calendar C-2 Letters to the Editor A-15 Legals : C-1 9 Movies C-4 Professional Services B-10 Restaurant Guide B-7 Sports B-1 TV Listings C-8 Weather B-2 "Park Record Serving Summit County since 1880 www.parkrecord.com 'Queer Eye' quintet enlisted for bridge i y v . . . ,A,-.. JJAK. x- y wfer- J Id f? ir rh m n tCv Kimballville pedestrian bridge in desperate need of a makeover By NON CHALANT GIDDYUP WESTPdWC RECORD Kimballville Planning Commissioners pleaded with Bravo's Fab Five to revamp the I-80 pedestrian pedes-trian walkway for the upcoming April 1 episode. The boys of fashion, design and culture were hesitant at first, however, the challenge proved to be a satisfying experience. Record yentii During a recent corporate retreat held at the Osguthorpe Polo Club in Kimballville. Bravo TV Network executives were casting about for a way to spin off their immensely popular show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" when they noticed the pedestrian pedes-trian bridge over Interstate 80. "Eeeew, what is that hahhhrrrrrible thing?" they asked the concierge. When they learned that the $2-million, $2-million, state funded fiasco was never used and was universally ridiculed, the bosses knew they had another watercooler hit in the pipeline. Preliminary market research confirmed their intuitions, that nearly every community in the country coun-try harbored some sort of embarrassing public project proj-ect that made local politicians look ditzy and served as fodder for mean-spirited editorials every election season. The reception they got from the Kimballville Planning Commission cemented their confidence in the project. "Are you kidding, let the Queer Eye guys makeover the pedestrian bridge? Be my guest." said commissioner Fax Cityhalgh. Convincing 'led, Jai. Carson, Thorn and Kyan to transition over from styling hair and dinner dates to sprucing up concrete and chainlink. however, wasn't so easy. Carson's blunt reaction spoke for the whole cast. "I don't do bridges." he declared with a toss of his bangs. But after they were flown in to examine the site they came around. The group's culture expert Jai Rodriguez quickly figured out that the real reason no one used the bridge was that they were intimidated intimi-dated by the residents along Squeal Road who despised the whole project. All winter they blocked the entrance with snow removed from their drive-Please drive-Please see Fabulous, A-2 Fuzzy switch flips more than noise for commissioners County commissioners in critical condition after closed session By PAT POSITIVE Rark Pecord stuff Salty Tribune reporter Crass Smartmouth said he-intended he-intended a front-page story he recently wrote about the "fuzzy switch" as a warning to the Summit County Commission. "Paranoia will destroy ya," Smartmouth told The Rark Pecord following Tuesday's attack. "Unfortunately, nobody heard them scream." At press time, all three commissioners remained in serious condition at a Salt Lake area hospital alter being attacked by bats in the Summit County Courthouse in Coalville. "It was a swarm ... straight out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie." said Git Soodalot, a county planner. plan-ner. Apparently the commissioners were meeting in an unnoticed closed session when the gruesome attack occurred. Soodalot was first on the scene. "I could barely hear the bats shrilling over that incessant white noise," he said. The commission is in closed session - discussing mostly lawsuits against the county - 26 hours per day. roughly eight days a week. And when the door's shut, the fuzzy switch is on. Outside the room where the sessions are held is a speaker, which emits an annoying buzz commissioners hope prevent the masses gathered outside from hearing hear-ing their precious secrets. Tuesdays closed-door session ses-sion is one they'll never forget - if the commissioners survive. Commissioner Rob the Richguy was found scratching scratch-ing deliriously at the door while bats nipped at his body. Each year migratory bats take up residence in the county courthouse, and this year, apparently, they were livid. Commissioner Ken Willeavehome was found sitting sit-ting in a chair unconscious, with bite marks on his head and Commissioner Shaunita Blur's suit was torn and three of her fingernails were broken when she was found crawling along the floor. She told deputies that without warning, hundreds of bats flew into the room and began "shredding things." Blur estimates the attack continued for approximately approxi-mately one hour before Swdalot opened the door and the bats Hew into the hall and into the courthouse attic. "Some of those secret meetings go on for hours ... I'm surprised the commissioners are still alive," Soodalot said. An attorney who specializes in Utah's open meetings meet-ings laws said this is the first time bats have attacked elected officials meeting in closed session. Hie commission paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to have the bats removed from the courthouse last summer, but some hung around. Throughout the years, the fuzzy switch has prevented pre-vented many news gatherers from getting the scoop about politics in Coalville, but this time, the commissioners' commis-sioners' scheme backfired. J. Carl Bine, manager of Summit County H2(),said he is confident that the incident won't cut down on the sale of white noise throughout the slate. He adds that it's lough to find a "bishop's office" in Utah that doesn't does-n't have a speaker outside the door. Reporters claim that the noise creates an irresistible irre-sistible temptation to "stick their ears against the door." "It works ... I can't hear a C&A thing." said Ric Scruff, while recently reporting on the commission commis-sion for a local radio station. Scruff was salivating for a scoop about a Park City attorney who recently sued the commission for violating violat-ing state open meeting laws. Cliff Hanger, the county fair guy. drove the commissioners com-missioners to the hospital in the back of his pickup truck after East Side ambulances broke down on the way to Coalville. Hospital officials expect the commissioners to fully recover and begin conducting more secret meetings within a few weeks. Rail Trail pooper scooper N. CHALADAPWK RECORD Tough Rider mans the specially-built BFI garbage truck that is designed for poop-scooping maintenance on trails surrounding Park City. I 7 1 V ' . . Canines prepare for unemployment By "SNITCH" BADNER Of the Record staph The annual arrival of spring means snow is melting, temperatures are getting warmer and Park City canines are preparing for unemployment. The hard-working canine-Americans are especially hard hit by the end of the season, when jobs for four-legged four-legged workers are especially scarce. Denali. an eight-year old German shepherd, admits that many canine-Americans are lousy at saving their hard-earned biscuits and kibble accumulated during the year. Those who are able to save something are usually duped by a cleaning woman with a tennis ball, or find the spots they peed on to mark their stash melted away with the snow. "Woof. Woofwoofwoofwoof woof," he added. To ease the transition from winter to spring, the Summit County Buddies of the Beasts will hold a Money for Mutts fundraiser on Thursday, April l at City Park. Attendees are asked to bring a can or bag of dog food, a Frisbee or oversized tennis ball and bags for poop scooping. Many canines come to Park City looking for a better life for their families. Some work full-time jobs as store greeters, ski patrol or home security experts and then take up a second occupation as beggars, couch and bed warmers and exercise motivators. Please see Event A-2 ,94937"00001 |