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Show w"X' jpwrpty ymj0mj-p yg0V0t0wytvtijr yy t ' - These new state laws will change our lives Park City News Friday, April 1, 1983 Page A5 Reprinted from the April issue of the Park City Municipal Corporation Employee Em-ployee Newsletter. by Frank Bell As you know, several members of the city government govern-ment have been active as lobbyists in the recent state legislative session. As a result of their efforts, several sev-eral new laws have been passed that will benefit Park City, and there were several more legal issues that got considerable publicity during dur-ing the session that will affect us all. I think we should take a look at some of these laws because our lives are going to change as a result of their passage. First, there is Bill No. 69 that will require all sexual partners to submit to an oath stating that they are willing participants in the act, and that they have not been influenced by any movie or other presentation as shown on cable TV; and that further, they do not molest children, thumb through Playboy Play-boy Magazine at the airport newsstand, and do fasten their seatbelts when driving to the 7-11 to buy tomato juice (not for use in beer or vodka). This oath may only be taken in front of a Constable who is a practicing practic-ing spiritual leader. Second, Bill No. 98.6 (also known as the "Any Warm Body Will Do" bill) provides guidelines for electing representatives rep-resentatives to state office and providing that all persons per-sons running for state office be alive. This new bill and its guideline is expected to raise dramatically the quality of elected officials. Third, Bill No. .001 provides pro-vides for pay increases for city employees. Originally, the bill was to provide an annual raise based on the number of the bill multiplied by the years of service of each employee, but a last minute amendment raised the formula so that raises were given based on the age of the employee divided by the number of years of service, subtracted by one-half one-half of the last four numbers of his social security number, num-ber, multiplied by the number num-ber of legitimate dependents (polygamists may only account ac-count for one wife and a maximum of six kids) again multiplied by the square root of their hourly wage. The final formula was adopted due to the strong Park City lobby emphasizing that raises should only be given on merit. Finally, Bill No. 007 provides pro-vides that a tax be levied on every memo, personnel action, ac-tion, legal notice, budget worksheet, work order, or any other such piece of paperwork that causes aggravation ag-gravation or effort on the part of the recipient. This tax of $1 per piece of paper would be used to fund excursions to bordering states for the purpose of doing all the things that we can no longer do here. The bill also provides that each city operating a bus line be responsible to insure transportation trans-portation round trip to those wishing to make such an excursion, and that upon arrival, hot tubs, liquid refreshment (sweets for Smith), per diem allowance, and topless and-or bottomless bottom-less dancers will be provided. pro-vided. It appears that the legislature legisla-ture has gone out of its way to make things just a little nicer here, and I think we should give them a well earned thanks. By the way, in the event this falls into the wrong hands and all our legitimate bills are in jeopardy jeo-pardy of repeal, please Mr. Legislator remember we have yet to ban April Fools Day. Look what ' s new at the Park City Library Not much is new at the library. It has been very, very quiet. But, to spice things up, the Ladies Ar-ticulatum Ar-ticulatum told the Newspaper that they have decided to donate a number of x-rated magazine subscriptions sub-scriptions to the library. "They shouldn't be neglected neglect-ed too," said Magnolia Terry. "They provide wonderful won-derful career opportunities for our youth." The new magazines will not be displayed on the racks where the USLC (Utah State Library Commission) can find them but will be kept in Magnolia's lunch box. Cardholders Card-holders are encouraged to ask for the new magazines at the front desk. The library . has . also acquired two new books which should interest the local literati. One is the recently published Divorce Supplement to the Park City Phone Directory. The supplement, sup-plement, which will be updated up-dated biweekly, was compiled com-piled at the behest of local fundraisers and committee chairmen who felt they were losing track of their supporters. suppor-ters. "It was a real mess," explained ex-plained Rad Switgholtz, publisher of the P.C. Divorce Supplement. "Everyone's phone books were so crossed out and rewritten that they were illegible. People were making terribly em-barassing em-barassing mistakes." The Swingholtz supplement sup-plement has introduced some handy cross-referencing cross-referencing techniques. The abbreviation SWP means Sleeping With Presently and is handy for finding people after-hours. After exhaustive exhaus-tive research, Swingholtz says that the phone numbers num-bers listed in the supplement supple-ment should be accurate for at least five working work-ing days after each biweekly update. The Park City Divorce Supplement can be found on the reference referen-ce shelf and should be a useful tool for reporters, nonprofit organization membership directors and the FBI. The second new acquisition can be found in the Grooming and Self Help section on the second floor. It is entitled The Parkie Handbook Hand-book and was written by two enterprising nouveau Parkies hoping to make a fast buck. The authors define Parkies as anyone who has lived in Park City for at least five months but not longer than seven years. Parkies, they explain, are not ever to be confused with tourists. Real Parkies never wear cowboy hats. They own con-dos con-dos but they do not sleep in them. Real Parkies do not drive American cars or ski anything below Jupiter. For those who are aspiring to be real Parkies but aren't sure of the property protocol Tina Lucid and Debutante Travel offer several chapters chap-ters of helpful hints. A proper Parkie wardrobe includes layers of Patagonia polarpile, goretex and L.L. Bean woolens. No polyester or fur. After-ski boots that look like dead rugrats are definitely out, the authors warn. Sherpa hats are popular with Nordic Parkies but should be selected with care. Parkies never wear their ski boots uptown they have season lockers. It is, however, acceptable to wear one's Pieps avalanche transceiver trans-ceiver to happy hour. For clarity, Lucid and Travel have divided Parkies into three main personas: power Parkies, organic Rarkies and punk Parkies. Power Parkies run Park City. They attend at least four commission meetings per week, own real estate, drive Saab turbos and never vacation without contacting the Parkie network. Their motto is "We want to preserve Park City's historic cuteness." Most of the waiters, waitresses and chambermaids chamber-maids in town are organic Parkies. When not working they pursue semiholistic lifestyles and they ski. Organic Parkies own at least five pairs of skis each. One pair must be wood. Organic Parkies do not ski groomed runs except on Clown Day. Punk Parkies are first-generation first-generation locals whose parents moved to Park City from Southern California. They go to school when they are not at ski team practice and they do not do serious drugs like white sugar or wonderbread. Acceptable Punk Parkie nicknames are Snort, Whiff, Toke, Crud Buster and Toot. Obviously Lucid and Travel know the territory and their book is a helpful text. How the City Council TOTPffiFt) March 24 MOTIONS I V vw J Alvarez Lewis Coleman Shellenberger 0- . l f Wells To approve the Bonanza Flat condominiumization plat. To pass an ordinance reducing the boundaries of the Park City Redevelopment Redevelop-ment AGency To award a contract for improvements to the Prospector buffer strip. To approve a contract for architectural services for the City Hall renovation To approve a promissory note for $675,000 from the city to the redevelopment agency To approve the sale of two parcels of city property to the redevelopment agency To approve the exchange or sale of other parcels between the city and the RDA To ratify the settlement between the RDA and the school district To request federal disaster relief funds for Heber Avenue yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes no yes yes yes yes yes yes absent yes yes yes maybe yes yes yes yes yes yes abstain yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes asleep NOFOOLIN' WE HAVE THE BEST VALUES: Available at half the per square foot prices of comparable Deer Valley properties s ; sJs -sari ttttfc. UUy" KiSMXt. ilA SUPERIOR CONSTRUCTION MAGNIFICENT VIEWS SKI HOME FROM DEER VALLEY, relax by the fire place, and watch the sun set behind Park City Resort. If excellence is your hallmark, you'll appreciate the gracious floor plan, hand rubbed cabinets, and cathedral ceilings of this distinctive property. With superlative construction, this home features a double car garaje, full basement, 700 square foot redwood deck, thermopane windows, and delux appliances. Put yourself your-self at the height of excellence ... experience this house. 351 McHenry $235,000 353McHenry $215,000 CAPSON-MORRIS-MCCOMB 1515 Park Ave., at the Red Barn Building, P.O. Box 1921, 649-8601 your claim at Park Cit v for $69,000. W-' People are calling Park City's New Claim Ccridominiums a gold mine. And well they are! Prices for a one bedroom unit are as low as $69,000 with two bedrooms from $89,900 to $96,900. It's the right place, too. Close to Prospector Square's popular Athletic Club with its indoor pool, racquetball courts, gym, sauna and steam rooms. Just down the street from all that Park City WinterSummer fun. The New Claim Condominiums will be ready for occupancy next ski season, so stake your claim now on your favorite unit. A 5 deposit will hold your condominium, with 90 financing available at a new low annual percentage rate . Get into Park City at the right price. Right now. At New Claim Condominiums. Condo-miniums. Units are furnished 41 sold as of 32283 Condominums In Park City's Prospector Square Sales information: Marketing by: 649-7900 REAL ESTATE 6499134 Developed by Bradshaw Development 30 yr. financing, 12 for 3 yrs., $62,100 (amortized for 30 yrs). 36 payments x $637.75 (P & 1) Interest rate adjusted to 1 over FHMAC for balance of loan. ... A A A A A A A A. Aiirf ,ffc A Afi A. A ,A A , A A A A i-nnjAi.A .... jtijn1rth.iJ jitrtiwffiii ' i''i.Ajii.j.ifcjlL.r)ujnfcu |
