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Show WWf,'fmifWI!Himmiin..m...M. i! : i: ; ' n ! H W m IMH'iII'I'HIIIIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIHJII'I'M'j'iiniill """'""''iii'iiiUiitiillliiiliiliiiiiltlllllillliiiilliiilltllliilllliHIIUllHliil Rural Life By Dr. Va! Farmer (.. v i - ., - s f .''''" ' ; fV -rv. 'I ' i Vernal Express Wednesday, Seni 19, 1993 17 illlill a "Other woman: 'What about my pain?'" "Dr. Farmer, I have read your numerous nu-merous articles on affairs and how you addressed the husband-wife feelings, hurt, forgiveness, etc. But I have yet to read anything on 'the other woman." She was a very real part of the affair and, believe it or not, has feelings also! "What happens when she falls in love with the man and he truly has feelings for her, but 'he can't give up anything for her'? And regardless regard-less of how or why the affair ends, how does she learn to deal with the hurt, the missing him, the loving him? How does she ever get over the sadness, the anger, the jealousy, the envying of his wife?" Just like the spouse who is getting an unwanted divorce and has to deal with rejection, hurt, loss, and self-esteem self-esteem issues, you need to grieve the loss. Try to get into counseling to do this. Unlike your divorced counterparts, you won't find a support sup-port group for "other women" who are attempting to get their lives back on track. Still, you need to grieve and verbalize your emotions and be assisted in your efforts to understand un-derstand and let go. "How does she deal with the fact that he used her, told her that he loved her, but evidently not enough to spend the rest of his life with her? How can a man ever do this to a woman? How can he lead her on, knowing he would never leave his family for her? Is he human or just a son of a ? Pardon me." He may not have been using you. Like I said in a previous column, it is possible to love more than one person at the same time, but not possible to be loyal to both. If he continued to stay with his wife during dur-ing the affair, he was demonstrating his loyalty (despite his words) to her. Since he was a married man, he wasn't in a position to promise you anything or make commitments for the future unul he was really free she go on living the rest of her life knowing she would have left her husband for 'the other man' because be-cause she truly loved him and wasn't fooling around to be fooling around? "Does she tell her husband? Or does she pray that the love she felt once for her husband will come back? Will it? Can it? Does her husband hus-band have a right to know the affair happened, or is she better off never telling him? What a mess! What a fiasco!" Unless you feel overwhelming love for your husband without any effort or changes on his part, the lack of passion in your relationship will cause it to suffer by comparison compari-son with the relationship with your lover. Your love for him needs to be greater than what you experienced with this "other man." Otherwise, you'll be living with feelings of being be-ing cheated in life. Praying isn't good enough. He needs to know. He needs to know how to love you. He needs to address ad-dress some deficiencies. He needs to deal with reality or he will never know what it is that is missing between be-tween you. Honesty and mutual respect re-spect bring back love. You loved him once, remember. That is your hope. If you loved him once, the man is capable of winning your heart. A passionate love doom to marriages er was a history of love, admiration and respect Once you've experienced experi-enced "true love," you won't like settling for a pretense. But then again, in the middle of an affair, people rationalize away and devalue their former love to justify what they are doing. Don't be too quick to judge until your grieving is over. Get into counseling and grieve the affair. Don t tell you husband until 1 1 M "looking at Life" By: Rev. Iva 0. Cufshaw, St. Paul's Episcopal Church Elder Brett Baker Elder Baker to report mission Elder Brett Baker will return on Sept. 21 after serving a two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Massachusetts, Boston Mission. He will be reporting his mission on Sept. 23 in the Naples 1st Ward Chapel located at 2313 South 1500 East at 10:45 a.m. He is the son of Arnold and Vena Baker of Naples. He has served in leadership positions including assistant assis-tant to the president. After his return he will continue his education educa-tion at the Utah State University in Logan. A - '' ' 1 Elder Brian Leo Snow Elder Snow to fulfill mission Elder Brian Leo Snow, son of Leo and Lela Snow of Jensen, has been called to serve a mission for the LDS church in the Mexico Hermosillo Mission. His farewell will be held on Sept. 23 at 2:40 p.m. at the Jensen 2nd Ward Chapel located at 8775 East 6000 South, Jensen. Elder Snow will enter the Missionary Training Center on Sept. 26. The ancient rabbis tell a story about a little creature God made without arms. This little creature was short and round, with spindly legs. But he did fairly well for himself. He hopped here and there, piping up occasionally with his ready voice, quite content with his environment. In spite of his frail appearance and lack of arms, he was happy. One day, God asked the little creature, crea-ture, "How about if I add some special spe-cial extensions to your body, just below your neck?" The creature was reluctant. His world was sufficient suffi-cient and he didn't miss having arms. Indeed, God's offer seemed to promise more weight to( his already fragile body, taxing' his spindly legs. But the little creature trusted God and said yes to the offer. According to the rabbis, God put the creature into a deep sleep and fashioned the new extensions to his body. When he awoke, God instructed him to run about waving his new arms. The little creature did .and, to his surprise, he found himself rising off the ground. He was flying because God had given him not arms but wings. He was a bird. Now, he could soar and glide above the trees. He could travel where he wanted. His trust in God had not weighed him down but freed him to fly. It had allowed him to expand his horizons. And that's why, ever since, birds sound so happy hap-py when they chirp. Or so the ancient rabbis tell us. And so as the scriptures tell us, we too must learn to trust in God. Trust in Him will give us wings to soar even beyond death. Trust was the subject of a few lines that St Teresa of Avila wrote in the prayer book she used everyday. every-day. The words were addressed to herself but they speak to us today: Let nothing disturb you, nothing frighten you. All things are passing but God never changes. Patient endurance will attain all things. Who possesses God will want for nothing, od alone suffices.N 1 18 affair when srjells there IrmE n U LKJ u M1 U vHtid V you have let go of "the other man.' To erieve your loss in front of him ' . i J : V,. ...-.n't foot To the extend that he made promis- w auu 4UU l cc to vou and still staved with his responding to your husband s wife, they were empty promises, and perhaps you have a right to feel deceived. If he loved you, I'm sure he imagined imag-ined leaving her. He fantasicd leaving leav-ing her and being with you. But when "push came to shove," he couldn't do it. That is why being "the other woman" is such a vulnerable vulner-able position to be in. Commitments aren't really tested until the affair is out in the open and a husband is forced to choose. The love you shared didn't rtally face the test of being brought out in the open He decided to call it off before it got to that point. Ma be you're right. Maybe he was usirg you. You've learned the tad way that king "the other womin" has sad and tragic consequences. It isn't a pixxl spot to be in unless, of course, you end up with the one you love. The (Kids are against you. "And then hal happens if Uus woman is aKo married? How duel Cub Scout leaders to receive training The Icvler'i tainmg for l?c Cub Svnit Iw i!l he he! J Sept. 7) at the 11 5th, und 9th Ward Ch.i;x:l al 250 Nmh 30 West in Vernal. harc"'.uatiin tan be m.i.fc at the Wrr.al Simit OlfaC of rtpUralumj wilt t ulen at the W of 0c tuimpg st I 30 m. The ttcn u-i. ceitiiii'nif t '! begirt at 8 -S5 m. The (r f, frgi'-l'tirt i!l be $1?, M )!! &.imiwm t tor..! t.l, (1 v.,-, bn-2 rfTctrJ Ht tiMK M rrv tVre 'U U . M i o :') "' ' love until you've let go. Figure out what you are all about and what the affair was all about, and then go to work on your marriage. "Can the two who had an affair ever be friends again?" It is another way of trying to hang on. It would be bittersweet to have a tantalizing friendship with someone you love. If anything, you would be risking becoming involved in the affair again with the same Tixsco" results. Cross-sex friendships arc difficult to pull off at best. Between former lovers, it is close to impossible. impossi-ble. You need to go on with your life. It is in your best interest to make a clean break, grieve your losses, and learn from your mistakes. You can love your husband again (or someone some-one else, should you divorce), but "your former lover is a high-ri.'Jc proposition, as you found out. Stay away. No matter what you call what you had between you, it was trouble, trou-ble, Uintah Learning Center to perform In art festival LDS Single Adults V. J (u-. MI 9 ,a'I .:t N S'i-i TVurT ; n.l I l 1 ' S' " V, : r si 7.v TtiC Uitu.ih Lcanung Center h.vt cstiimg nci. Ttvey have been invited U) perform in the Very Spcibl Arts rc'tival irt SaH Laic City oft Sept. 27. Very Special Am of Utah is art oiganiaticn 10 Pm-mote Pm-mote ru pcoj te dibtli" tie. Ibry arc pcifimm(t ll'Cir 5;ninjJ lcj-ram, "Iea.5in' Out Wcu" and di'pb) irig tKc ps;-irr maihe creatures ma-Je rh the bctp i( lnji 'rlmart d'4r;ng Kef few-iVrxy few-iVrxy U-t Myth. TV.u trip hi Ken mk r.-.it-ic by l?e pi-nenKily the t"r.ih t twtr,'.atin. t be fmiatA'iinn I pn t!K N, and f -.--rn!wd f t,ve tr p. Cp Kntvil., Iinif3t.1 Carj-nrv fir.t a'fe HV ?. tV p-if tt-.i-b p t'l rV pt 12 p "i. in tS r;t W tSr'ft The tttvt tri i:t W tT in tsrt st r It's our annual inventory time again. ..and we'd rather give you some great buys than have to count everything! Save thru September 22th! l0 1 i t 3-j Wfc . HM1.!!. ill iiihiiI vi...-. Kit:... 31 .... : '-y. v-.. L0000030QCEE GETA U.S. SAVINGS BOND VITH ANY IN-STOCK PURCHASE OF $200 OR MORE! lira 3Pii SMIE $I50! (A r (E53746) (l J Is i 3 ii I3-CU. FT. 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