OCR Text |
Show Still Living? By PETE DIXON Congratulations, all you lucky Utes who survived last weekend's registration crush. High officials confirmed today that for the size of our involvement involve-ment in the conflict, casualties remained re-mained relatively low. The Health Center reorted that the two hundred hun-dred counselors suffering from severe writer's cramp would be back in action in no time. Also treated were 62 incoherant upper-classmen upper-classmen and 27 transfer students who, despite doctors efforts, died abouts of 31 instructors and associate as-sociate professors who are listed simply as "missing in action." Meanwhile, in other actions, Mrs. Ethyl Schwartz; who was attacked at-tacked by a roving band of seniors, sen-iors, quoting passages from the Class Schedule and waiving registration reg-istration cards, was resting comfortably com-fortably in a local rest home. Mrs. Schwartz, who was employed in the Final-Checkout was found in a semi-conscious state three hours after she had run screaming from her desk in the check out line. Witnesses explained that the irate seniors had repeatedly shuffled some 15,000 alphabetically arraigned ar-raigned registration cards in her care. In ceremonies on the Park Building's Build-ing's lawn, Officer Farnsworth, of Dept. was awarded The Distinguished Distin-guished Cross for the record 694 traffic citations he wrote Friday and Saturday for illegal parking. Revenue from the tickets will do much to ease the Dept's financial difficulties, stressed officials. Well, that's prosress for vou! or "shock and general exhaustion." exhaus-tion." Members of the faculty ex-pressed ex-pressed their "deep concern" at the "moderate to heavy" casualties casual-ties suffered in various departments. depart-ments. In the especially hard partment, spokesmen were at a compete loss to explain the where- |