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Show Too Much Pride Two tramps sat with their backs to an old tree. Before them was a rippling stream. The day was grand, but one of them looked down in the mouth. "You know, Jim," he said, "this business of tramping around ain't what it's cracked up to be. Think it over; nights on park benches or in a cold barn. Traveling on freight trains and always dodging the police. po-lice. Being knocked from one town to another. Wondering where your next meal will come from. Wandering, Wander-ing, unwanted everywhere, sneered at by your fellow men. . . ." His voice trailed off as he sighed. His companion shifted slightly. "Well," he said, "if that's the way you feel about it, why don't you go and get yourself a job?" The first sat up with a jerk. "What?" he scowled. "And admit I'm a failure?" EASIER TO STAND "Stackpole, I hate to encounter a bad loser." "Yes, Murgatroyd, but I had rather rath-er play the worst loser than the best winner, any day." Neat Trick, Too Two stews, wandering about the waterfront, stopped at the edge of a pier. The first drunk peered into the water and then turned to his pal. "Betcha five dollarsh," he drooled, "that I can shtay under water for 10 minutesh." The second drunk waved a hand. "Thash a silly bet," he said. "If you shtay under water 10 minutesh, you'll drown yourself." The first drunk looked at his pal. "Ah," he hiccoughed unhappily, "somebody told you the trick!" Disappointment The little girl wanted to see the dog doctor. The family pet had been sick and had to be taken to the vet and she wept because she missed enini? alonff. The next time the dog took sick she coaxed and was permitted to go too. But when she came home from this visit she seemed just a little deflated in spirits and her mother asked her why. "Well," she explained, ex-plained, "that doctor wasn't a dog at all; he was just a man." I y The Higher Things ' The new maid had a habit of leaving the kitchen radio on from morning to night, so that her mistress mis-tress was almost driven crazy with the constant blaring of soap operas, i Finally she gave orders that the radio was to be silenced, whereupon the maid gave notice. "I do not care to work," she said with simple dignity, "in a home where there" are no cultural influences." in-fluences." The Test She (to husband after employing a gardener) Why did you want me to hire the short man? The tall man had such a kind face. Husband My dear, when you pick a man to work in your garden, judge him by his overalls. If they're patched on his knees, you want him; if they're patched on the seat, you don't. EASY TO CATCH A man in the insane asylum sat 3shing over a flower bed. A visitor approached, and wishing to be affable, af-fable, asked. "How many have you caught?" "You're the ninth," was the reply. Still Two to Feed ! "At last, my angel," said the Happy man, after he had settled with the minister, "we are really and truly one." "Theoretically, yes," rejoined the modern bride; "but from a practical prac-tical standpoint it will be advisable to order dinner for two." |