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Show 4 The Signpost - Wednesday, May 17, 1989 Satire Mickey defines Panamanian politics By Mickey Beck The Signpost Columnist After his candidate for president of Panama was defeated by a 2-1 margin by opposition candidate Guillermo Endara, Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega ordered one of the most brutal attacks in modern political history. As the world looks on in disbelief, trying to understand the horror of the events of the last week, I have developed the following list of Panamanian political definitions to help the readers better understand the attack on Endara and his vice presidential candidates. Election pole- A hand held, metal rod used for beating those elected by the people. Panamanian Defense Force- Elite military observers given special shields to protect themselves while they observe election poles being held. Dignity Battalion- One of several paramilitary organizations established last year to protect Panamanians from a U.S. invasion or democratic elections. Cocaine- An illegal substance smuggled through Panama with the consent of General Noriega. Stridex- A legal substance purchased in case loads by General Noriega with his drug smuggling revenues. Increased Military Presence- Tactic used to insure protesters don't assault or violate the rights of armed thugs. Manuel Antonio Noriega- Friend of Oliver North used to help train Nicaraguan Contras. Ayatollah Khomeini- Unrelated psycho also used by Oliver North to aid the Contras. Oliver North- Convicted felon. General- Title held by Manuel Noriega. Synonymous with dictator, despot, tyrant and drug dealer. Medellin Drug Cartel- Responsible for 80 percent of cocaine smuggled into the United States. Would like to see Noriega in power in Panama. Federal Grand Juries- Responsible for indicting General Noriega on drug trafficking charges. Would like to see Noriega in prison in the United States. Panamanian People- Real losers in last weeks elections. Free Elections- No definition available. See also democracy, humanity, morality and sanity. if f i it. .'Junt 1 1 in u , ij "I think other nations will give us a hard time for pushing our weight around." Tom Krembs Senior Automotive Engineering New York, N. Y. "Con Didn't we learn anything from Vietnam? Pro More jobs for the U.S." Amanda Bromage Sophomore Computer Science London, England "No effect at all. If anything, it will build the tension between the U. S. and Panama." AnnMarie Hale Freshman General Plain City, Utah Pro and Concensus What effect do you think the increase ofU. S. troops in Panama will have? : I : 'V 1 J. : ' iy..wmiwiLiHv 'wwt iww "More than likely not much but give new recruits a different work destination. But, hopefully, we will protect our interests." Jon Atencio Sophomore Pre Forestry Ogden, Utah "More violence toward American citizens in Panama. But, it will also keep Noriega from becoming any more of a dictator." John King Junior Microbiology Ogden, Utah Polling and photos by Robeen Gillem "Increasing U. S. troops in Panama seems like a good idea. It would show the people in Panama that we're not willing to back down. We need to stand strong in our defense of the U. S. citizens there, and in defense of the canal." Shawna Morris Sophomore General Ogden, Utah Letter Policy : : : The SigtipOSt Wl'ICOtllL'S Ict- tcrs to the editor. They must be typed and should not exceed 300 words in length. : : : For ; subjects requiring greater exposition, arrangements may be made with the editor in chief. Letters MUST include name, address, phone number, relationship to WSC (student, family, staff, Ogden resident, etc.) and the signature of the writer. Letters without this information will not be printed. The Signpost reserves the right to edit for reasons of space and libel and reserves the right to refuse to print any letter. The Signpost Editorial-Advertising-Production Spring Quarter, 1989 The Weber Stale College Signpost is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday during fall, winter and spring quarters, and once a week during the summer quarter by the WSC Department of Communication. The Signpost is distributed free of charge and is available by subscription for 59 per quarter. The Signpost offices are located in the Union Building in Room 267. Mail correspondence should be sent to: WSC Signpost, Weber State College, Ogden, Utah 84408-21 10. Editor in Chief 626-7121 Advertising Department 626-6359 News Department 626-7105 Entertainment Department 626-7 105 Sports Department 626-7983 The Signpost Staff Editor in Chief Scott Summerill Managing Editor Jill Titensor News Editor Tim Fairholm Sports Editor Ethan Yorgason Entertainment Editor PcteTesch Signature Editor Lisa Dayton Photography Editor Robeen Gillem Asst. News Editor Cecily Markland Asst. Sports Editors Chris Barrett Rich Ericson Asst. Entertainment Editor Dcbra George Asst. Signature Editor Christine Stout Photographers Stacy Netz Clark Hurd Senior Reporters RayEldardJr. Peter Avion Columnists Mickey Beck Staff Reporters Brett Hart Kathleen Montoya Joyce Zabriskie Erie Presley Copy Editor Steve Hord Advertising Manager Dcbra Luby Production Manager Keilh M. Quimby Ads Production Mgr Kathy Mohr Production Staff Jeannic Thome Gina Carbajal Distribution Ray Eldard Jr. JeffBybee Advisor ; P. Larry Stable Secretary Leisel Waymeni Linda McGee Publisher Randolph Scott |