Show ulah marria marriage re counselor advises acuti lit facin facing 9 r dissat isfalt bolls lolls rn 0 me dr floyd M anderson andion utah Max viage counselor some people seem to feet feel that to have or acknowledge some difference or conflict in marriage la Is a sto ot of anade or failure an their part th they basically fear the loss of d a feeling of personal worth that such in an admission ri 6 to them implies or the loss I 1 of prestige in the eyes of others othera WILL vigorously deny this concern about what others think however be cause they have developed a pattern of such denial to wv cov er their anxieties about their acceptableness to others rhe fhe person who is really secure within himself as to hi his own w worth orth and acceptableness acceptable nesa does not have to deny things as they are in order to feel of worth ills his sense of personal worth Is strong enough to accept his limitations or of ways in which he function to too adequately without losing his basic feelings of personal worth or without excessive anxiety about hla his acceptable ness to or criticism by others ALL couples have h I 1 ve SO some me differences they can and do cause tensions or overt conflict most must be faced by the couple and worked through it if the rela tion ship la is to become as ss satisfying find and meaningful as both usually desire and expect they do not usually lust just go away or resolve them selves as some individuals seem to hope or expect while resentments presentments resent ments may not be allotted to show by way of verbal or physical attack on each other they ably do show through indirect and often unconscious channels of non cooperation withdrawal of affection or sexual response not talking for long periods or non accey table behavior AT THE SAME time how ever many of the important cau causes behind the conflicts couples have are not consciously recognized by the individuals divi duals without some out side help aimed at promoting such understanding regard less of how intelligent the in or couple may be or how hard they may try to acknowledge unresolved differences irrespective of their cause and seek to do something constructive about them la is usually a sign of being emotionally grown up or mature however the india duals ideals who are least adequate in making the adjustments adjust menta of marriage are very often the least willing to acknowledge having difficulties posses the least capacity or desire to do anything about them ACTUALLY MOST bairt uge age relationships even those that are reasonably good F ones nes can be improved mp roved jo fo the great benefit of husband wife and the child if the husband and wife are willing to seek some help and continue to work toward understand ing and resolving the usually complex causes behind their difficulties every individual wants his marriage to fulfill his or her various needs and expectation but when out of a jack dack of capacity or understanding they are unable to find the understanding or acceptance they want they us usually u ally wath draw into themselves or into 0 outside activities or relation ships AT THE SAME time they will frequently or occasional ly IY release their resentments presentments resent ments over the failure of the oth other er to function in a more acceptable or meaningful way to them through various kinds of attacks or other efforts to hurt or discredit the other in their frustration anger and confusion the husband or wife will usually try to blame the other tor for all the difficult ties and dissatisfactions they feel the other Is forced most dont need but very little force to defend their own feelings of worth by denying the retaliate by blaming the oth other ar in return until it be tomes a vicious circle of 0 mutual attack with periodic withdrawals as the r resent an ent ments build up tip again bind and sor something else triggers their release because of the intensity of the embri andl reactions that thua develop many couples find themselves almost helplessly carried along until the feelings of 61 respect or love are dest destroyed royed at this point no one can be of much much help to them because the desire to work at the relationship in has as gone and the hurts burts and re sentiments sent ments are too deep it la is for this reason that couples are urged to face their dilli curties early endeavor to work them through together and if need be seek help from qualified outside tio source uree in literature classes or individual marriage counseling |