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Show A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO FIND. A MAN who will refrain from calling his friend's speech a "happy effort." <br><br> A WOMAN who remembers last Sunday's text, but is unable to speak understandingly of the trimmings on the bonnet of the lady in the pew next in front. <br><br> AN EDITOR who never feels pleased to have his good things credited, or mad when they are stoned. <br><br> A PENCIL that is always in the first pocket you put your hand into. <br><br> A MAN who has been a fool some time during his life and knows enough to keep the knowledge of it to himself. <br><br> A MARRIED man who does not think all the girls envy his wife the prize she has captured. <br><br> A MARRIED woman who never said "No wonder the girls don't get married nowadays; they are altogether different from what they were when I was a girl." <br><br> AN UNMARRIED woman who never had an offer. <br><br> A MAN who never intimated that the economics of the universe were subject to his movements, by saying, "I knew if I took an umbrella, it wouldn't rain," or some similar assinine [asinine] remark. <br><br> A POCKET knife that is never in "them other pants." <br><br> A MOTHER who never said she "would rather do it myself" when she should have taught her child to do that thing. <br><br> A CHILD who would not rather eat between meals than at meals. <br><br> A PERSON, age or sex immaterial, who does not experience a flash of pride upon being thought what he is not and may never hope to be. <br><br> A SINGER who never complains of a cold when asked to sing. <br><br> A WOMAN, who, when caught in her second-best dress, will make no apology for her dreadful appearance.-Boston Herald. |