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Show Hawkeye Dots. A proud Boston man exhibits a telephone that came over in the Mayflower. Just as we expected. All of our best things left out of the inaugural Gentlemen, we can see the iron hand of Conkling in this. Jay Gould used to work on a farm. And they do say he could fence more land into a 10 acre piece, than any ten other men could crowd into a fifty. Well, we didn't expect a place in his cabinet, anyhow. What? You're a liar; we never said we did. Didn't expect it and didn't want it; wouldn't have it, anyhow. President Garfield has more callers than the president of a ‘busted' bank. And, brethren, he is a dreadful sight easier to find. Don't you go away and forget that, too, neither. Congress should have waited until after the rains of this week, before it passed the River and Harbor bill. Several new streams have broken out since the showers, especially in cities without any system of sewers. But maybe a supplemental bill can be passed during the extra session. The debt of the city of New York is a little over 106 millions of dollars. All that we want to know is, where any city can get trusted to that amount. Then we shall buy a ticket to that place, if the rest of the family have to walk. You hear our warble? Look at this nonsense. The enemies of the William Tell story come forward now and prove that apples didn't grow in Switzerland at the time the supposed Tell did the alleged shooting. Well, what of that? Couldn't they have bought one of the train boy? Only three for a nickel. At the recent legislative dinner in Boston, the Chaplain of the House, in his speech, said that "God is still Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts." This is very flattering, very flattering indeed; and it will also give people a more exalted idea of the greatness of the Almighty. Especially when they remember that Ben Butler has been a candidate for the same position three or four times. The recent legislative investigations seems to develop the fact that in some asylums the popular method of treating the patients in the asylums for the insane is for the attendants to stand upon the patient and trample him out about flat. Then, if the patient cries, or says that it hurts, it is an indication that his mania is of the most violent and dangerous character, and he should be kept under the closest restraint. The trouble seems to be that the worst lunatics are frequently on the wrong side of the bars. We extend our cordial sympathy to our old friend, the British man, in his present domestic and neighborhood troubles. We congratulate him on the menacing attitude of the Russians on his scientific Asiatic frontier, we felicitate him on his unhappy relations with the [unreadable]; we are pleased to hear that the Zulus are becoming restless again; with the deepest concern we learn that the [unreadable] are drilling in Cork; our dispatches regarding the growing strength and boldness of the Land Leaguers are of the most cheering nature; we extend our hearty sympathy for him in the most awful licking the Boers have just given him, and at the same time desire to express our deepest concern for the other one they are getting ready to give him; and while,, in the pleasant memory of past favors, we sincerely regret that we have no [unreadable] to turn lose on him to add to the prevailing hilarity that surrounds his national hearthstone, we still wish to impress upon him renewed assurances of our most distinguished consideration. |