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Show DETROIT CURRENCY. <br><br> It makes but little difference to society whether a man wears a weed on his hat or carries one in his teeth. <br><br> During the census in Switzerland ?17 women refused to tell their ages, and each one was returned at 40 and fined $1.20. <br><br> "Not ded, but gone ahed," is the way they carve it upon the tombstones at Deadwood. Orthography always did hate a new settlement. <br><br> Time is the great healer. The men who were picking snow balls out of their ears yesterday will have forgotten all about it by July. <br><br> Business is business. The Wisconsin State Prison advertises that it can accommodate 100 more guests without crowding. First come first served. <br><br> Dr. Tanner insists that the people of this country are ungrateful, but he is mistaken. We are simply too well fed to care to turn out to a lecture on a lean stomach. <br><br> A goose at Hamilton, O., flew through a window, upset a kettle of hot water on the stove, and two children were dangerously scalded thereby. Don't be a goose. <br><br> A little man who wore a jacket lined with lead and weighing forty one pounds took over $600 out of the town of Whitewater, Wis. On bets that he didn't weigh 100 pounds as he stood. <br><br> Three men, two old desks, four chairs, a cracked stove and money enough to pay board at a third class hotel for two or three weeks are the capital stock of about half the mining companies organized in New York. <br><br> Farmer Holmes of Indiana, paid a quack doctor $10 for fixing his eyes so that he could see in the dark as well as the light. It was a success. That is, he can't see at all by daylight, and of course can see just as well by night. <br><br> A country editor in Wisconsin was fined $16 for not keeping his sidewalk clear of snow. He appealed, of course, and of course he proved that he never owned any sidewalk except what was brought in on subscription and used for firewood. <br><br> A furniture dealer seized upon a woman's baby for a debt of three dollars, but after keeping it for two days he was glad to give his debtor five dollars to relieve him of his charge. A baby who can't make life miserable for two or three persons will die very young. <br><br> ‘Nother warning to those people who jump at conclusions. Charles Ford of Jersey City gets home late from the lodge - looks through a window - sees his wife kiss an unknown duffer - pops away with his shooter, and presently discovers that he has winged a coachman who was sparking his cook. Imagine what a flat Ford he was! <br><br> During this cold weather, how long can the ink stand? - (Keokuk Constitution. Dunno, but how long can the pen holder? - (Hawkeye. Tell us how long can the pencil sharpener and we'll answer that. -- [Omaha Republican. They are all right as long as the weather remains stationary. -- (Omaha Daily Bee. Your puns are enveloped in obscurity. That's no wafer to get off jokes. |