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Show HAWK-EYETEMS. <br><br> Swear not at all, but if you must swear-swear off. <br><br> He who has learnt and does not teach is like a myrtle in the desert. <br><br> A kiss on the forehead of some of our modern girls is a sort of salaam bang salutation. <br><br> A young man in a Louisville ballroom had his eye put out by his partner, while dancing the racquet. We were afraid it would come to that yet. <br><br> Poor men! And so you didn't get anything for your Christmas? Well, never mind; just wait a week, and your bills will come swarming in. You'll get something then. <br><br> A Michigan rector has purchased a bicycle instead of a horse and buggy to make his journey to an out station Sunday afternoons. He finds it a very economical locomotive. <br><br> "A drawing-room car full of angels," is the way a Utica reporter states the fact that a number of girls of St. Anges school were on their way home to enjoy the Christmas vacation. <br><br> Perry Martin, of Arizona, climbed a tree to shake down a coon. Just how he felt when he found the coon to be a bear will never be known, as bruin cuffed him off a limb and he had a fall of fifty feet. <br><br> When a boy walks with a girl as though he were afraid some one might see him, the girl is his sister. If he walks so close to her as to nearly crowd her against the fence, it is another fellow's sister. <br><br> Just after Mr. Vennor curls up snugly in bed and pulls the blankets up around his ears, Mrs. Vennor startles him with the customary "There! That front door isn't locked! I told you that you would forget it!" And then, do you know, before that man comes back to bed, he makes a little note for a snow storm that will discount anything this side of the eternal icebergs, with a biting northwest wind thrown in to drift it, and a "49 below" thermometer to keep it there until next spring. Vennor is a good-natured man himself and doesn't want to be so hard on us, but his wife does torment him so. <br><br> Sitting Bull is hungry, his buffalo meat is all gone; his clothes are worn out, his blanket is threadbare, he has pawned his ulster and sold his gun, the Canadian Government is tired of him and anxious to get rid of him, his taxes are overdue, he can't pay his rent, the snow is four feet on the level and wood is six dollars a cord, and the old scalplifter wants to come back to his old reservation and draw new blankets and regular rations under the starry flag. And now, wouldn't it be just as well to be maganimous, and let the old rascal enjoy a winter in Canada? We don't want him back, and if we let him stand around in the cold until next June, he will probably come back a little the tamest Indian that ever traded a buffalo robe for a quart of whisky. Keep him out in the back yard until after Christmas, any how. <br><br> At the late New England dinner in New York, several important facts were brought out, as follows, to-wit: That the Puritans discovered America in 1192. That George Washington was born in Faneuil Hall. That Sam Adams discovered the Mississippi river, and was the old original "49-er." That Miles Standish put down the late rebellion. That Governor Winthrop was the original Garfield man. That the Connecticut river rises in lake Superior. That the area of Rhode Island is one-third larger than the state of Texas. That all the corn used west of the Alleghanies is raised on Vermont rock patches. That Julia Ward Howe wrote the emancipation proclamation. The speakers were all correct in one sense; New England ideas have certainly impressed themselves, and very plainly, too, in one way or another, on every community in all this broad land. |