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Show SUGGESTIONS ON ETIQUETTE. The following answers to correspondents contain a good deal of information, and I publish them in order to avoid the constant annoyance of writing the same in substance to so many inquiring friends: "Sweet Sixteen" writes from "Holdup Hollow:" "I am betrothed to a noble youth from Rice Lake, Minnesota, but he seems to have soured on his betroth. "At first he seemed to love me according to Gunter, but he has grown cold. About the first of the round-up he went away, and I soon afterwards heard that he was affianced to another. "I understand that he says that I am not of noble lineage enough for him. It is true, I may not be a thoroughbred but I have a pure loving nature, which is now running to waste. The name of my betrothed is DeCourtney Van D'Edbeete. He comes from the first families, and O, I love him so! "Can you tell me what to do? "Sweet Sixteen" Answer--Yes, I can tell you what to do. I have been there some, too. If you will only do as I tell you, you are safe. You must win him back. I think you can easily do so. Select a base-ball club of about the weight you can handle easily, and then go to him and win him back. You are too proud to give up easily. Do not be discouraged. All will yet be well. He may think now that you are not of noble blood, but you can make him change his mind. Go to him with the love-light in your eye and put a triangular head on him with your base ball club and tell him that he does not understand the cravings of your nature. Drive him into the ground and sit down on him and then tell him that you are nothing but a poor friendless girl and need some one to cling to. Then you can cling to him. All depends upon how successful you are as a clinger. I see at a glance that De Courtney needs to be flattened out a few times. Do not kill him, but bring him so near the New Jerusalem that he can see the dome of the court-house, and he will gradually came back to you and love you, and your life will be one long golden dream of never fading joy, and De Courtney will wring out the colored clothes for you and help you to the washing and he will stay at home evenings and take care of the children while you go to prayer-meeting, and he will not murmur when you work off an inexpensive meal of cold rice and fricasseed codfish on ham. If he gets to feeling independent and puts on the old air of defiance you can diet him of cold mush and mackerel till he will not feel so robust, and then you can reason with him again, and while he is recovering you can take your base-ball club and your noble self-sacrificing love and win him back some more. "Lalla Rookh" writes from Waukegan, Illinois, as follows, to-wit: "My classmates and I have had quite serious discussions recently on several questions of table etiquette and we have finally agreed to leave the matter with you. "First - If one is asked to say grace at the table and does not wish to do so, or is not familiar with the forms, what should he do?" "Second- If one has anything in his mouth, or gets any foreign substance like a piece of bone or a seed in his mouth, how should he remove it, and what is the proper thing to do with it?" "Third- Would you kindly add a few general rules of table etiquette, which would be useful to the many admirers of your classic style?" Answer- It would be hazardous for a gentleman unaccustomed to asking grace at the table to attempt it unless he be a naturally fluent, extemporaneous speaker. It is more difficult for one unacquainted with it than to address a Sabbath-school or write a letter accepting the nomination for President. It is, therefore, preferable to say in a few terse remarks that you are profoundly grateful for the high compliment, but that your health will not admit of its acceptance. Second- Care should be used while at the table not to get large foreign substances like hairpins, soup-bones or clothes-pins into the mouth with food, as it naturally requires some little sang froid and tact to remove them. One accustomed to the mysteries of parlor magic may slide the article into his sleeve while coughing, and thence into the coat pocket of his host, thus easily getting himself out of an unpleasant situation, and at the same time producing roars of laughter at the expense of the host. If, however, you are not familiar with sleight of hand, you may take in a full breath and expel the object across he room under the whatnot, where it will not be discovered until you have gone away. I will add a few general rules for table etiquette, which I have learned by actual experience to be of untold benefit to the active society man. First- It is proper to take the last of anything on the plate if it comes to you, instead of declining it. It is supposed that there is more in the house, or of not, the host may go down town and get some. Do not, therefore, decline anything because it is the last on the dish, unless it looks as though it wouldn't suit you. Second- If by mistake you get your spoon in the gravy so far that the handle is more or less sticky, do not get ill tempered or show your displeasure, but draw it through your mouth two or three times, laughing a merry laugh all the while. Do not attempt to polish it off with your handkerchief. It might spoil the handkerchief. Third- In drinking wine at table do not hang your eyes up on your cheek, or drink to fast and get it up your nose. Do not drain your glass perfectly dry and then try to draw in what atmosphere there is in the room. This in not only vulgar, but it tends to cast large chunks of three-cornered gloom over the guests. When you have drained your glass, do not bang it violently on the table and ask your host "how much he is out." This gives too much of the air o wild, unfettered freedom and the unrestrained hilarity of the free lunch. Fourth- When you get anything in your mouth that is too hot, do not get mad and swear, because the other guests will only laugh at you, but remove the morsel calmly, and tell the waiter to put it on ice a little while for you. Fifth- When your coffee is out ad you desire more, do not pound on your cup with your spoon, but be gentle and ladylike in demeanor, telling some fresh little anecdote to please the guests, looking yearningly toward the coffee urn all the while. Sixth- If you have to leave the table as soon as you are through, do not jump up suddenly and upset the table, but make an original and spicy remark about "having to eat and run like a beggar," and this will create such a hearty laugh over your sally of wit that you can slip out, select the best hat in the hall, and be half way home before the company can restrain its mirth. There are some more good rules that I have on hand, not only relative to the table, but the ball-room, the parlor, the croquet-lawn, the train, the church, and, in fact almost everywhere that the society man might be placed. These I will give the public from time to time, as the growing demand seems to dictate. - Cheyenne Sun. |