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Show THE NEW DEPARTURE AT BEBEE'S CORNERS. <br><br> Bright and early yesterday morning a blunt-spoken, hearty-looking first citizen of Bebee's Corners made his appearance on Griswold street to look out some lawyer who would deliver the Fourth of July oration at the Corners. He was business and no fooling. He had been deputized by his fellow-citizens to make all oratorical arrangements and he had decided ideas as to the sort of address wanted. He was put in communication with a young attorney who had an address of 400 pages of foolscap all written out for such an occasion . After a few preliminary remarks the delegate began: <br><br> "Does your address refer to the struggles of our forefathers?" <br><br> " Oh, yes; I have seventeen distinct references to their perils, struggles and triumphs." <br><br> "Knock ‘em right out then - cross out every one of them! Every fool in the country knows that our forefathers had to struggle. Of course they did, it was their business to; they have had all the praise due ‘em, and Bebee's Corner's won't give ‘em another word." <br><br> "Well, I suppose I can leave out our forefathers," humbly replied the orator. <br><br> "Very well, Now, what have you in your address in regard to General Washington?" <br><br> "Well, I probably mention him forty or fifty times. Washington was a great man, and we must not forget him." <br><br> "Strike him right out!" was the flat command. "Washington was a great and good man. Bebee's Corners is as loyal as any town in America, but we've had Washington till we can't rest." <br><br> The orator made a note of that, also, and the other continued. "I presume you have put in a boom for the Declaration of Independence?" <br><br> "Yes, I never heard of a Fourth of July oration with that left out." <br><br> "Then you are going to learn something new. Bebee's Corners would howl all day over the sight of an American flag if there was any call for it, but we're going to take a new departure. No Declaration of Independence in our oration this year. Scratch ‘er right out." <br><br> "That doesn't leave me five minutes' talk," said the attorney as he made a calculation. "All I have left are a few remarks on the Pilgrim Fathers." <br><br> "Then knock the Pilgrim Fathers higher than a kite before you forget it. We've been Pilgrim Fathered to death in this country." <br><br> [unreadable]…want up there?" asked the lawyer ???began to sink. <br><br> ??? what I'll tell you. [Unreadable] <br><br> "No." <br><br> "Then you are out in the cold. We want an oration lasting just ten minutes. We want a sentimental song to lead off, and a funny one to end with. The remarks between the songs can range all the way from "Daniel in the Lion's Den" to "Pop Goes the Weasel," but they must be funny. We are a laughing set up there. We go in heavy on conundrums, and we make some of the best puns going. We shall want, say ten puns, ten conundrums, two songs and something to warrant about five grins and from seven to ten regular old side splitters, and the terms will be $15 cash on the mail. Are you the man?" <br><br> "I-I guess not," was the faint reply. <br><br> "All right -‘nuff said. I'll move on to the next, and if I can't strike the chap in this town I'll sail down to Toledo. Bebee's Corners is going to git up and howl this year, and don't you forget it!" --- Detroit Press. |