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Show toNj HEARDMAIN toNjHEARDMAIN - Q11 Q11J Q11MAIN J MAIN STREET STRaT . MO PI i . f ( L LDefinition I I II IDefinition DefinitionFREE DefinitionFREE Definition DefinitionFREE II FREE COUNTRY Where 90 per percent percent percent I cent of the peccle peole people : obey laws de- de demanded demanded de demanded - manded by the 10 per cent that thatsc thatscare thatscore sc . scare ' 1t . [ . , congress .ongress ongress < . . . * . Advice Ad\1CC Ad 1CC \ ' to lUotorJst Motorists MotoristsRemembel MotoristsRemembci Remembel that th'l.t thl.t thlt ' . children c1uldren aie alC are to tobe tobe tobe be Seen and not Hurt"Lot's Hurt . . . "Lot Lot "Lot's Lots " ' " wife nc\er nc er nc\cr cr neser \ had Jlad a tiling thing tilingon thingon thingon on me . " , " sighed slghcd Convict No234762 No 23-1762 23 1762 234762 - a as ! > he turned to a pile pIlc of ofstones ofstones otstones stones . . * . Life is a great thing-unless thing unless thing - unless it IS ISthe isthe isthe the judge who gives it to sou y ou . . . Edna 'How How ' did ) sou you ou get the themalk themark themaik malk mark on the cheek , He'en9 Heen9 He"en Heen Helen ' " ? " ' I Helen ' Th ' boss had his pen De- De oe- oe Dehis oehind De-hind De hind - ' hind his eai eal eaa wh when n he said 'Good Good 'Goodmoinin 'Goodmoinm Goodmoinm ' ! mOlnm moinin ' to me me1 " ' S . I . S . SPOME POME P01\1I P01 1I POMEI \ : I eat honeyJth hoaicy honey ' \ with \\Jth Jth my beans , I've Ive rve ' done it all my life lifeIt , It may seem awfully funny funl1Y , But it . I . keeps keepsthem ps ' -them them 'them - on my 111N knife kmfe . . . . . Tlie The ETERNAL TRIANGLE TheHusband The TheHusband TheHusband Husband the W Wife e and the Can CanOpener CanOpener CanOpener Opener ' , . * . * . Ninety Nlnetv per cent of the bread breadis IS baked ontside outside the home , ac- ac according according ac according - - cording : t to . a man of figures fig-ureaWish fig ureaWish - . , , , WIsh we co could ld say the same , of ofcabbage ofcabbage ofcabbage cabbage . . , . . . J ) . _ Jt .It It 1t4 1t4was , was a tea-room tea room - - in the slums slumsof slumsof slumsof of PansCust PwsCustomer Pws Pans ares aresCustomer Cust Customer mer ( who h had d ordered tea tea"What teaWhat ) "What What " is this mess m 111 in front fI'OI\t fI'OI fIOI t froitt ' \ of me me9Is ? ' Is it tea or is it coffee ? ' : Manager 'WIhat WIhat 'Wlhat Wlhat ' W > bat does dQeS dyes it taste tastelIke tastelike tastelike lIke ? " " ' . Customer "It It " tastes like hke v . wood woodalcohol woodalcohol oed oedalcohol " " J JManager alcohol Manager . ' "Then Then " it must be tea teaOUr teaOur teaOur OUr coffee tastes like gasoline " . . . NO NEW PROBLE1\1 PROBLE1 1 PROBLEM PROBLE11When PROBLEMWhen PROBLEMWhen \ When Noah sa sailed lied the ocean blue blue blueHe , , lie He had his lus troubles , same as you ; For 40 days he drove the ArkBefore Ark ArkBefore ArkBefore Before he found a place to park . . . . Romance lasted longer in m the theold theold theold old days says S3YC ; Dad BE'e BEe Beeson ' . n He Hethmks Hethinks Hethinks thmks thinks Itas it was \as as \ because the bnde bride bndeIOJked bridelooked bndelooked IOJked looked : the same after she had hadwashed hadwashed hadwashed washed her face . . . DefimhonSMART DefinitionSMART Definition Defimhon DefinitionSMART SMART GUY One who can candnve candrive candrive dnve drive with one arm ann on the wheeli wheel wheeland I and the other around a girl gul , andj and'I and 'I I 'Idodge 1 ' dodge both traffic and matrimony . . . A statesman b is i & supposed to bf be befamihar bpfamiliar ' famJlJar famihar with all public ques ques- questiOns ques- ques questions questions - - tions . . . but usually knows kno\\s kno s ' \ few fewof fewof fewof of the answers . . . Last , week 'eek eek ' a man in 111 the gallelY gallery gallelYof galleryof gallei ; of the United Umted States Senate sud- sud suddeI suddenly suddenly - - deI denly Y aiose alose arose and andavmg waving \avmg avmg , \ a guishouted gun gunshouted gunshouted shouted 'I I ' I m going gomg to kill lull every everycrook everycrook evercrook crook in 111 this place ' ' " ' Spectators m in mthe inthe ii the ; galleries ga11ene.s ga11enes gallenes . remained remamed perfect1 perfectly perfectlycalm perfectlycalm calm while every Senator on the thefloor thefloor thi floor scurried from sightRastus sight . . . Rastus 'B B 'Bsy Bsy 'Bay Bay ' y yI I ' ' When ah kisse kIsses kIssesmy kissesmy ; my wife : she che the jes closes her eves so sotIght sotight s'tight stight ' tIght " Sambo Samba ( , with \ Ith enthusiasm ) Ah Ah11 Ah11say Ahlsay 11 11say say she do doRastus doRastus doRastus Rastus What s dafc dat ? ' Sombo ( not so enthusiastic ) . , ' 'Ah Ah .4h 4h 'Ahsay 'Alsay Alsay ' . .4hsay say do she ? ' . * . ' . DefinitionLABOR DefinitionLABOR Definition DefinitionLABOR LABOR When a woman lakes takes irwashing in inwashing washing \ aslung for $3 3 $ a dayLOVE dayLOVE day dayLOVE LOVE When she does a ashmg washing washingfor , washingfor \ ashmgfor for nothing nJthmg . . . "Did Did "Old Old " you eat cat baby food , as Itold I Itold Itold told sou sou9 ou ? " ' a asked ked Dr . Alien Allen Allen"I Alien"I "I I " sure did I ate four mar mar- marbles marbles marbles - bles , a hindful h\ndful h ndful handful ' \ of sand , t\\O t O two tOm'ttche twosnatches twomitclicb \ m'ttche mttche snatches ' : . and a key rmgr rmg ring , and anddidn't anddidn't anddidn't anddidnt didn't didnt ' feel a darn bit better bettereither , . either " . " Cbnect Correct CoIl ect this sentence I Ive ve lost lostall lostall lostall all but mother-m- mother m mothermlaw mothermlaw mother-m-law mother m law my money , my - - - law still praises me ' . . . There may be somethini somethmg something ? to this thisrtbbit's thii DocI . ibbit's ibbits r-tbbit's r tbbit's tbbits nbblt - ' < ; foot ( theory (11COry 11COry after afh.r afhr . all . DocBallinger Doc DocBaUmger DoBalungtr I BaUmger Ballinger carried carned one around in III his hischnge hischange hichinge I ch\nge ch nge change ' \ ; pocket , and when lus Ius Ins WIfe WIfe'vent wifewent wif\vent wif vent . \ 'vent vent went ' through his clothes at rugh rught night nightshe rughshe she thought it was "as as " a mouse . I * . . . I I If f you attempt to kiss me I may mayI mayrrget f1 f mayfcrget mayf1 mayf rget rrget : < that Im 1111 I nr a lad'yl ladyl lady lady"And ladyAnd ' " "And And " slap me ? * ' I ' No and let you ' |