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Show JIMMY, THE NEWSBOY, ON PRESENT DAY ADVANTAGES form some caitiff knight about forty miles away that he could use hla head, without le rest of him, he had to send out about a thousand archers and men-at-arms and stiffs like dat to make de guv believe what 'Charle' wanted. "Den look at Launcelot He must have been a warm tamale wld all dat junk aroun' his shape. Why, he wouldn't nave been a 60 to 1 shot wld one of our Fort Douglas boys In a soiled khaki uniform. "Den any Salt Lake Roll longed out in a Keith-O'Brien dimity drei at 7 centimes the yard, could hand Guinevere de whole deck and den beat her out when It came down to looks. If she couldn't I'd turn me slate de odder way and never copy down no more race track odds as long as I live. "Whv, you can got a better place for 130 a month here dan Dante ever saw In his life. Dey may be shy a little on cu-polan. cu-polan. and gargoyle, and minarets and all dem things dey had in Dante's day. but our houses is de healthiest. and dere'a more room to flop aroun' In at dat. "De hats you can buy here the "$2-was-14 brand beat anything Romeo m clapped his peepers on. and as for shoes, why, you can pet a pair for U dat for ease and comfort would have tickled Hotspur Hot-spur almost foolish. "And den the 'highball' things dat dey didn't have in 'de good old days." Why. de guys wot lived In de long, long ago was like a Punch and Judy troupe. Dey was nothln' but automatons or marionettes mario-nettes who hopped to de front or rear or did de side step just as some king pulled de wires." "So you're satisfied with the present, Jimmy?" "Satisfied? I should say so. De only kirk I've got romin' Is dat 1 waon t postponed post-poned until along about 3001, by which time there ought to be plenty of action for a utack of white chips. We're gettin' warmer every day. "Where did 1 get me knowledge or ancient an-cient history? Why, readin' books, of course. "Who's me favorite author? "It's a standoff between 'Old Cap' Collier' Col-lier' and 'Nick Carter.' 'Slong." "Say," said Jimmy, the newsboy, to The Telegram man today, "all dls talk about de 'good old days' makes me tired. Wofs de matter wld the present times? Why, we've got de 'good old days' beat a Salt Lake block, and any one knows how far dat Is. "I was down to de Knuteford de odder evening and overhears a swell dressed gjy makin dls old talk. He had a voice like de rattlln'.of river rccd In a swamp, but he was dere wid spillln" his words all right, .and he hanis out a great line of dope. But he was off de main line nevertheless never-theless at dat. Wot did he say? Weil, he begins like dls. " 'Look at wot a line, natural, bold, free and untrammeled life Richard the First of England led. . Dick the Onct hud the proper time card on running through the day." "Den he tells de guv he's with dat he ain't nothln' like old Richard. "Huh!. Might as well tell me I ain't like Cleopatra or de Queen of Shcba. or Henry Hen-ry of Navarre, or Charlev the Fat. or Lu-cretla Lu-cretla Borgia, or Capt. Kldd, or Pete de Hermit, or any of dem big star-part people peo-ple dat lived before Jeffries was champion. cham-pion. He says that nowadays we can't live de free life dat they used to, but dat we've got to exist in a hobbled, tied-up. compulsory clean life. Say, ain't dat de cream, eh? "Wot do I think of dat line of gas? Say, we've got de 'old days' beat to a frazzle. Now "listen. Wncn we wants to take a scrub all we've gut to do Is to hike to de bathroom and turn on e'.e hot and cold. Did they have new-fangled tubs In de old days? Forgit it. De less said about how Godfrey de Bouillon and his pals avoided de bathin' gag de better. "When you ' want to read 'n The Trie' about de latest news of de n-d-tlag bo s for throwing up in de air a few more Russian grand dukes with their bombs all you have to do is to switch on tie 'lertrie Juice and dere you are. "Look how it was in 'de old days.' When Richard the One Time got dat el-ll from Saladiu he had to send some churl dat's de name dey had In dose (lavs for a waitln' guy to hustle for a rushlight, and de light was so poor dat de Duke strained his eyes so dat after dat all he could see was real, shiny money. "When we wants to tell some guy a thousand miles away that he's a 'punk,' all we has to do Is to cough up some loose metal to 'Webster's Union' and de deed is done. "When Charlemagne had a hunch to In- |