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Show HE OUGHT TO KNOW BETTER Thera la n oaa trylni ta Jnke with -a woman. Tha othar dy Janet heard pretty ood conundrum and decided, -to try K on hla wlfo. ' -Do you know why I am Ilka a tnular ha aaked er whan ha want homa. ... "No." aha reptlad promptly. "I know you ara, but I don't know why you are." . Tha capita you' must depend upoa la tba capital I. Half-haartedncas laada to complata failure. A marhlne haa bean Inwntad whereby auto battertea can ba chanted almoat Instantly. Now If aomeone will kindly Invent or patent a wiy of irntttnr Itaa charired. autolnc would ba more of a plcanure. CONSISTENCY W bluntly blurt. I And do not care: P She bobbed her aklrt. Why not bar hairT NO MORE EXTRAVAGANCE Til ba a elater to you," aald tho aummer frl. . . Well, elater, Til Jnat cancel that Ml dinner order"Wo'II iava elana of aoda pop Inatead." IN A GOOD CAUSE jamee returned home from achool with etrona: evlrteneea of a aerloua dlamrreemant with aoma of flla aaso-elatea. aaso-elatea. Aa ha entered the room hla mother looked up and In ourprlae Inquired: In-quired: " "Why, Jamea. how did you (at your clothea ao badly torn?" "Try In" to keep a ood Bttla boy from be In Mcked." "That la Juat Ilka my brara llttla eon." aald the mother fondly. "Who waa tha food llttla boyT" "Me." Who remembera when a mother! btrceat flht ,waa to keep her boya from wearing overalla to achool? THE SILLY AGE ! Huaband You promlaed to love, 1 honor and obey me. Wife tea, but I wm at that ailly are when a air I will pro mice anythlna; to jet a husband. ' DO AS DOCTOaS DO "Hey, Mill!" "What la Itr1 "Your doetor"a out here with a flat tire." . "Dlaimoae the cana aa flatulency of the perimeter and charge him ac- . cordlniiy," ordered tha carafe man. Soma men "itet by" ty loolrln wlae, others by actlnv wise and hero and there on by being; wlaa. "I hope," writes Mra TT. K. Tired Business Man. "that tha Interest 1a tha twetva moat wonderful American, women has not died down completely, for I have listed the followlnr after much toll and deliberation: 1. My huaband'a first sweetheart. J. His capable aunt, who never did anythlna; wrong-. t. The ona whose Jet black hair colled close to her shapely head. (Hla p own words, not mine. 4. The plump ona who waa hla Ideal when I waa thin. . Tha thin ona ho wartta ma to resemble now. t. The domeatte scientist whose meals ha nerer haa taated. She wears 'em short and rolls her own. 7. Tha ona who makes 17S a month. t. Tha one who telle him that "ha la Just a big boy, after all." t. The one of good Judgment who . ' coos about hla danclnc 10. The wonderful "pal.". She lln-tcna lln-tcna and haa great baby blue eyes. 12. Ma I'm married to him. WIU tha new kind of a collar you advertise make mo look Ilka thai fellow In the ad?" "Well. It might." "Then let ma look at your other styres, please." Tha man with plenty of aand, a wide h orison and a cool' head Is a i aummer resort all to himself. HAVE TROUBLE WITH YOUR PEAS? I eat mashed potatoes with my peas; I've done rt all my Ufa. t like tha combination. 'Causa It holds 'em on my knife. gome think Irving Iterlin. tha song . writer, is tba capital of Germany. X V An automobile la not considered a dangerous piece of mechanism In Itself It-self It's the men who drive them that make thera dangerous. Doctor (to patient) It's nothing to worry about Just a llttla boil on tho r back of ypur neck. But you must keep your eye on It. - "People dat quarreta over religion." aald Uncle Eben. "proves dat day . am t get tin' de beneflla of It." |