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Show ONLY. Only hrroea are klaaed by general In for' Ik n arm In. Only heroe could aland It. An Illiterate Justice of tha pear used to conaiilt what looked Ilk a law book, but waa r'ally a mail order catalogue. Una duy a negro waa haled bi fiwo the squire on arharge of drunk- I en ncss. The squlr heard the evident' and tiirn, ufter opening hla book and glancing at It, fined the negro 14 4. tu bo workrd out-on tha roada at t2 Zb per day. Aa the m'Kro waa betnK led away be raid to the inurahal: "1 aho la a unlucky nlKKer!" "lnlucky nothln." A aald tha marahal. "If the aqulre had "V happent-d to oiien tlmt book at auto- mobilea Inataail of panta -you'd be working; uu -the road the reat-of ytrar - life." FOOLED HIM. "The thief took my watch, my piirta and my pockctbook. In ehort, kvary- thlnit:" "lint I thought you carried a loaded load-ed revolver?" "I do but he didn't find that!" FROM THE LIPS OF WISDOM. Matrimony la a cloae corporation of unlimited llabllltlca. Men criticize modern women for being be-ing too frank, and then wall that they can't underatand them. If the liiOKl o' fnat talkera 'd think what they nay, atld o aayln' what they think, rver'body eUv'd notice the ltu-provemcnt. ltu-provemcnt. EVENlKlQ THINGS UP. Two frlenda from a amall town, one of whom had tendencies toward exaggeration, exag-geration, were etarllnfc for a vlelt to the city. Joe. who knew the other'a faillne;, cautioned him In advance. Hill." he aald. "I know you're a plumb truthful feller and all that. And I aure like to heur you tell It to 'em. u... v. , a. i . PK I 1 1 . But, hy iron!, sometime! you're leetl too 4tlnii8tic. Why, Home folk! might think you were telling plain lien. Now, when we net to the ctty and you get sort of Htretchln' things. I'll nudge you with my foot and you try U euss off a mite." On arriving they 1 In with city acquaintances who ltd them down to view the newest skyscraper. Bill couldn't let such an opportunity slip. "Well enough," he said, "but, gents, back In my town we're putting up a building that'll make this one look like the under side of a snake's tummy. Why. If you'll believe me. It's goln to be seventy -one stories high, three-quarters three-quarters of a mile long, and " here he felt his friend's foot "and eight feet wide." American Legion. FORESTALUNQCURIOSITY. The visitor My good woman, do you live In this village? Resident Ay, sir. Visitor And I suppose you know every one here? Resident Ay, Indeed. Visitor Well, you can Just tell them my name Is Frederick Smith, and that I come from London, where I am a solicitor. so-licitor. That lady there Is my wife, and thou are my two children, Thomas and Kllsabeth. We am having a holiday holi-day and Intend staying here a week. We have hired the caravan. Lett week we stayed at lnvercauldy. Resident Ay, sir, I kent a' that frae ma daughter who lives in lnvercauldy, but she was salrly disappointed because be-cause she couldna tell me whit yer wife's name waa afore she waa marrit. l'unch. FROM THE CHESTNUT TREE. "My brother was arrested for finding a pocketbook. , "Absurd! Where did he find It?" v "In another man's pocket." GOIN' ANliCOMIN , , A pessimist Is a man who, when ,S given his choice of two evils, tukes both of them. MrKeesport News. "Pay, Harry, how do you teach a girl to swim?" "Kasy. just put your bft arm under her waist, take her left hand " Jrt out she's my sister. "Ah, push her off the dock." Kx-change. |