| Show t H I William Vil m Sh Shakespeare we wo hear tell fell S is ii trying frying out for a New Y V York rk football team We always alway knew knew- that sooner or l later ter that kid would quit fooling ar around und at t that at Writing business in England and come to this try to o. o make some thing out of himself S S S Milestones on oi the Path to Civilization CANEY Kan nan SO So many nany park parle benches have been ruined by local that the the- city council has laid Ina In a supply of ot whittling sticks These will wUl be he furnished tree to any and und all applicants S 5 5 CIVILIZATIONS S HORRORS Anew A WASHINGTON new A ventilating ing system h has s been Installed In the senate chamber Tho The construction report that with every char chair occupied and the senate going full blast the temperature rises 7 7 Tor TorS or 8 S degrees e f 1 WAR DEPARTMENT DEPARTMENT DEPARTMENT DE DE- NOW V IF THE WILL fILL JUST TAKE A H HAND ND AND FURNISH FURNISH FURNISH FUR- FUR NISH GAS GAS MAsKS MAsKS- MASKS MASKS- 5 S S S 'S SAnd And the Congressional Record printers will go on a a permanent strike strike- I. I 5 e 5 Believe It or Not Ar J middle aged d woman had I. I Plc pleasant sant hospital experience November No No- vember 11 1920 and not once has she broken into a conversation with of 01 operations I IA A UniversIty o of Utah fraternity brother drank some moonshine at ata ata a New New Years Tears party arty In 1929 and he lie didn't brag braS afterward about the wonderful stew stev he had T Three newspaper men gathered around the dining table Sept September 22 2 1929 and not once during the thc h evening did they mention the newspaper newspaper news news- paper papel business A Salt L Lake Lako 1 e. e boy tool took a a blond flapper out put to dinner at the tho Newhouse Newhouse New New- house hotel La Labor ol da day 1929 1029 1929 and not during the meal did she dab daba a bit more mor powder on her nose w WASHIE ASHIE S S 5 ANDA AND A RELIEF They say that saxophones were ero manufactured In thO the United States last year If It alt all these were iere laid end to end in the thc Sah Sahara ra desert we wc think lit it would wo bo be a fine finc things LORD ALGY S T Taint aint Pair Fah Mat MatA Mates Matei MatesA A hundred women of the city of ot New York have be bert fl ordered rd to to learn marksmanship This i in- in chides several stenographers arid and telephone operators The city oft off officials I- I daIs didn't say anything g about re rc re restricting these women from horri using their guns on th their lr husbands THE BARON S S 5 PET PEEVES S The cluck cluck- who gripes mo me mo momore more than all J The other yaps by far Is the tennis court comedian With racquet for guitar TED TED coole The The gyp who cramps cramp my style moro more S any oth other r. r grotton grofton I y Is the guy who drinks my I liquor 1 And tells m me it is Is' rotten Another human problem that tha I Gets my goat goa Is the thc wHo precedes payday Trying to o. o make a touch ouch Jest heard bout that stampede o 0 Buffalo up td Yellowstone Park day when Wilbur was in th Ut big show place Aint Aliat it funny tunny how hov an everybody allus waris t show oft off before company COmpany I WASATCH WALT S S S Nor Norah ah Sp Speaks ak Up lP Dear Te Tex I think youre you're real mean Ill I'll bet anything S' S youre you're o re Just an old ld fogy with a a. growl growl- that would make A 1 coyote sound like a n donna onna with the tho Metropolitan ctr p Uta 1 Opera And wh what's ts m more re Ill I'll b bet t the le reason son you O act like you OU do is because youre your getting setting a n. lot Jot of wrinkles t that even evena a a. beauty d doctor cant can't hide and your hairs hair's getting thinner than that o on om our antique sofa sota Just b because cause youre you're ure too old to be believe believe le be- lieve theres there's no such thing as ro ro- ro ro in hI the world is no reason lor for you to think that tha t everybody else ebe is like lIko you I think youre you're Just an old dyspeptic that's what I think It wasn't at t all aU nice ot of you to show everybody that letter lettel I wrote you ou about Pat bet IU Pat doesn't like it Jt either that's wh why I he e wont won't him let mo me hear from I. I I dont don't care though I like Pat Fat and andI andI t I I think lIes lIe's a whole lot nicer than you are And that's s not alt all Im I'm going t to meet him some of these thes da days s and tell teU hh him hini jut Just what I think of ot you too Hell He'll Hell fix you o I Just know he will I And nd what's more Im I'm going to to break into that Main Main Street t gang sang ItI if It I have hn to to g get t a jimmy and crawl into their meeting and arrive to their wait walt until th they swap old 1 Ill I'll show iyo yoi ou t that at you OU cant can't treat me like that and get getaway getaway t away with Avith it ft And last Int but ut not least I J. J b hope pe You yd ou forget foret your toupee toupee toupee-i I j Just lt v now mow you wear one T one you to comoto work some m morning What hat do you think of hat 1 S v NORA ORA f. f S e S S 1 WHEW WJ-l WJ W. W S SS S S e TI LOGICAL V Saw in the papers where u aIen a Ken Ken- tucklan f has s passed n s h his s' s bt birthday Y Yand and expects to pass pass' tho century mark before he ends on this car earth That is of ot voUt course e de dependent le- le pendent Up upon w II r l' off V pAT Is cut oH e P T T An eastern proc professor sor advertises that ho he will wUl teach women Ye their talking power and ve f ve sup sup- now is the proper tune time to pose poso mention mention men men- tion that lynching was vas always c a it a object le lesson on T i S S 'S rE s |
