Show rw Walter t wi Winchell h m O On Broadway Copyright might 1031 1021 by Dally Mirror Inc TIlE BEST nEST SIMILES OF 1931 Ibid meaning Sec See Above The tenth annual crop of or the years year's better beLter similes have been gathered by Mr Frank Frnnk and and not a n few of them were suggested for Inclusion Inclusion sion in Mr collection b by this column Perhaps yours ours if it you are a contributor of similes arc are among them Of or course space hero will not permit publication of or the entire batch However heres here's a n column full or full or a n Fr Frank mk of em cm The cloth in my pants is 15 as thin as a six-day six bike riders rider's tights lights on a n Saturday night night Fred Fred Al Allen Al- Al len cn Lower than a heel James ames Bishop Final as a period period Lucille Lucille Bell Flat FIat as a bedroom slipper Bugs sUpper Bugs Baer Ridiculous Ridiculous Ridiculous Ri Ri- as Gandhi in a suit of armor Elinor Ellnor Bishop Deserted as ns a street scene on a vaudeville vaude vaude- vile ville drop Wallace drop Wallace Blumberg t c Full of or meaningless information as an auto salesman sales sales- man Ted man Ted Cook Puzzling as a trump no-trump hand after alter the f fifth th highball highball Ibid S Contented as a n movie actor in a hall ball of or mirrors Happy as a pedestrian who becomes a traffic court judge judge Anon Women are like gongs pongs they should be struck regularly regularly Noel Noel Coward Lips as merr merry as a n. man away from home home Earl Earl Carroll Unconvincing as the masculine mannerisms ofa of ofa a a. female impersonator after doffing dortIng his wig at atthe atthe atthe the end of the act act Po P. P Culkin Sick as a I. I suspected sus sus- judge judge Dana Dana L. L Cotie Cotic Futile as trying to reat read b by the light in a taxicab taxicab taxicab-Russel Crouse Convincing as a mind reader who cannot function function tion without putting on his glasses John glasses John Connery Happy as os a dance hostess at nt the altar altar V. V. V R R. Comford Cornford Shy as a Do tabloid cameraman cameraman John olm JohnA olmA A Curtis Ic v Quicker than a Mississippian can say Lynch him Ben Ben De Casseres Empty as the life lite ofa of ofa a flea lea in III a horse collar Ibid horse Ibid t c s Lonely as a horse fly in Detroit Detroit Arthur Arthur Eddy Useless as a 1 Cooks Cook's Tour pamphlet to a Sing Sing lifer lifer lier Ibid Parking space is liko money there i. i is plenty of it where i it doesn't do you any good Cincy good Cincy Enquirer Efficient as the man who never dropped the top of a tooth paste tube tube Ambrose Ambrose M. M Feeley Fe c s Guilty looking as an innocent man accused ofa of ofa a 1 Tom crime crime Tom J. J Geraghty Coldly critical asa as ns asa a baby's stare stare Ibid S Wrong as whisky at breakfast Guy breakfast Guy Gilpatric S. S Difficult to detect as perspiration on a fish fish fish- I Melville Hammet Slim as Pe Peggy gy Joyces Joyce's waist Mark lark Odd as a n girdle In a chorus girls girl's dressing room Montague Hurst lie He came down like a parachute that failed to open open open- Len Hall hail Optimistic as a gold cold digger prospecting prospect prospect- ing inS in a I. I Scotch poorhouse John poorhouse John Harrower narrower Golf Gol Is like a game of or dice you ou never know what will happen happen Bobby Bobby Jones ss j Silent as a a- collar button under a bureau John bureau John Koopman Busy as a lipstick at a college dance Barret C. C Kiesling Safe as juggling sticks of or dynamite John dynamite John Kieran Healthy as giving a rapidly rotating buzz saw a sw swift t punch in the teeth teeth Ibid Ibid Dangerous as is s a discharged stool pigeon Tom stool Tom Tommy I my Lyman Tattered as a magazine in a dentists dentist's dentists dentist's dentists dentist's den den- waiting room room George George D. D Lottman To TotTY try tTY and protect virtue with a censorship in this world is like arming a regiment with umbrellas or meeting a n plague of or flies fIles with a revolver F. revolver F. F L L. Lucas |