OCR Text |
Show over, that, quoting the words of the immortal Pulnam not Israel who won the first steeple chase with the British army, but Nina "Wilcox i. j Putnam, 'Believe you nie,' Bo, It was ; I u perfect surprise.. i4j ;' I "My address for sohictlirW won't I be in Provo if I can helpt,''''- ;- now that this thing will be tfikeu up and discussed at the next lioolleg I mean salesman's convention. It is interfering with a man's personal liberties too much, for such things to be permitted. I want to say, liow- the way you know. Thero never had : been such a thing given here before, so I am informed on good nuthority, and the hoys were dropplug In and getting their bottles filled und I was presiding over the keg. "There never was more thanme in at a time, so we were making no noise- at all. Why, man, It was so quiet you could hear the forget-me-nots breathing, and the mice came out and played uround In the room and the cat couldn't hear them. Quite ! Say, It was as quiet as the Democrats the morning after the last election and if there was anything any-thing quieter than that funeral I don't know where it could he. "So I see no reason for any complaint com-plaint by the nelghlmrs. Well, wlia happened? Just as I was plugging the bung hole of the barrel, .here came that bunch of uncouth muts from the sheriff's office and yelled,, 'Surprise.' "Was I? Say, man, I couldn't have been more surprised if I had won a bet on the horse races in Salt Lake City. It was a good thing my heart is strong or J may have dropped drop-ped dead. As it was, .1 d n near fainted. "Why, I had no more idea of that party being pulled off, than I did of Volstead advocating the return of saloons. In all my experience as a bootleg I mean " as a salesman, nothing of that nature ever happened hap-pened to me before, and I've been a bootleg I mean selling several years. "To add insult to injury those fellows took me and my kegs and other paraphenalia to the sheriff's office. Then I goes np to see the jidgc, and what does he do? Instead In-stead of acting like he was pleased to see me, he yelps out, . 'Bail is fixed in the sum of one thousand berries'. - "Can you bent it? I would if I could, but a thousand berries is too much to beat. No more , surprise parties for me. ' "I knew, of course, that the sheriff sher-iff was out of town. That's the reason I gave the partyso's I would not disturb him, never thinking his aides, the deputies, would do such an uncalled-for act. "Of course, it was uncalled-for, that is, so far as I was concerned, and I want to say right here and Lamentations Of Captured Bootlegger "Yon niiiy s;iy for mo," lainentod ono of tho recent victims of .Sheriff J. 1). Boyd's iinti-wet squad, "that I am absolutely, emphatically, positively, posi-tively, unequivocally, diametrically opposed to surprise parties uf any kind. As a boy they never appealed to me; as a youth, I hated them and now I detest them. While it is my opinion they are slowly dying out, still there are sonic people who seem lo take a delight in tfoiiig to, aiding and abetting surpri.se parties. "In my ease fur instance: There was in my home the other evening even-ing and all I was doing was giving a keg and holile party pioneering |