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Show A Line o' Tvpe cr Two I I I 'Lord, Trbat fochs these mortals be.' I ! - By 3. L. T. Con an Doyle a noara to vave ho' tod sp:rip:;-i!:sm as the tir bolted the lady, j but, instead of smiiiuer an they re-.urn from the ride, he is annoyed because not everybody agrees with hini. If thr!o'.'k Holmes could have five minutes o:' eo:i-versM-ion with Mr. Doy!o he m iirht point out thai v.hat is one man's fact is another an-other man's fiction, and t hat there is a difference between a eri:ied fact and an interpretation of a fact unverified. "My dear chap," we conceive .Holmes as say-i say-i r.j, "I ask you for a verified fact, and you offer me your interpretation of a fact of your own discovery. Will you pass the tobacco?" j The Little Precious. ; Sir: Old Bede Carter, whoso conception concep-tion of the ultimate in domestic Miss is a burro and a skillet in the depths of ! Topan.;a canyon, was caught unawares j t'other day and obliged to buss a moist I infant. Later, describing his sensation, he t-aid it was "just like kissinc a poached egg." SLB. "v"e are not sure that we approve the discovery by Dr. Voronoff, that old gen-; gen-; tleman may have restored to them the i pristine vigor of twenty-one or thereabouts. there-abouts. One of the consolations of grow-i grow-i ing old is to be emancipated from the slings and nrrows of pristine vigor. The , spectacle of old gentlemen pristining I around with one foot in the grave Is not i an entirely happy one. A Signal of Distress. (From the Racine Journal-News.) Wanted to rent Unfurnished flat or house, by small family; husband is member mem-ber of Masonic order. In Boston, as Mr. Philip Hale relates, Albert Spalding first thought of playing Bruch's "Scottish Fantasia," but because of Bruch's war record he changed the number to Dvorak's Concerto. Whereas in Chicago last Sunday Mr. Elman played Bruch, with great satisfaction to himself and surroundings, and divers other compositions com-positions made in Germany, But courage cour-age is not required to play German music in Chicago. Prom Pather Gander's Melodies. ! Sing a song of sixpence, the planet all awry; Great allies at table handing 'round the pie; League o' like a woodpile full of sons of Ham; Isn't that a nifty pact to hand to Uncle Sam! Senate told to sign It upon the dotted line; Don't waste time advising; hustle up and sign. Great the League, ay, greater than this old government; Spare the world a broken heart; get busy and consent. Six and one are equal, as everyone must know Leastwise teacher says so, and so It must be so. Ay, and secret treaties, though shameless as can be, Validated in the pact have lost their secrecy. Don't take time to study, but sign It and be quick; Never mind your duty; and don't you dare to kick. Darn the Constitution; cut out debate and vote. Here's a handy rubber stamp; let Uncle be the goat. AJUES. If the linotype Is to be scrapped, the talented chimpanzee that used to climb up the face of tho machine will have to return to the zoo, unless he can learn to operate a typewriter. Considering some operators, we'll say he can. Go on! (Bulletin of the First M. E. Church of Evanston.) The younp married people of the church and congregation are Invited to meet for a few moments at the conclusion of this service, in room "G" (used by Beginners' Department), for the purpose of discussing discuss-ing further activities, and effecting an organization to carry them on. "Tonight and Wednesday fair, except cloudy or foggy tonight and in the morning." morn-ing." Oakland, Cat, forecast. Exception sustained. Eeal Estate Agent? (From the Lakeland, Fla., Star.) Lost A double faced gentleman's gold watch, with black velvet bow tie. E. A. Gaine. "After refreshments had been served the happy assembly disbursed." Congregational Congre-gational Iowa. The Lord loveth a cheerful giver. Our Country's Father. XXL Envious of none, he was determined to be pleased with all. This, dear friends, was tha order of his March and Call. His wish was to move quickly down the stream of life And peacefully rest beside his Fathers free from Care and Strife. XXII. A life of quietude for him was not yet to be; From the duties of his country he was not wholly free. On the Fourteenth of April, Seventeen Eighty-nine, A messenger rode up to his door with a look sublime. xxm. "Hail to the noble George of Mt. Vernon," Ver-non," said he. "Dear sir. I address you as the Father of our Country, And as messenger from Congress I am sent With these glad tidings to bring you I am sure I content xxrv. "That by a unanimous vote with all true dexterity You've been elected First President of the United States of America, And with the assumption of your office immediately Tho Congressmen beg to be Yours Most Obediently." We don't mind confessing that we learned from Mr. Alloway's great poem at least half of what we know about George Washington and the war for Independence. In-dependence. It should bo used as a textbook text-book In schools. Tlfen Came a Burst of Thunder Loud, and Borah, vniero Was He? Sir: Suppose Casabianca should wander wan-der into tho senate chamber and strike a match? ,. C. B. Beet sugar Is all right to sweeten coffee with, but for home-brewed beer It is, wo aro informed, much inferior to the product prod-uct of the cane. "What Do You Know About That!" Sir: Tell W-214, whose goat is in the possession of the hospital inmate who keeps yelling. "What do you know about that?" to use mv standard form of reply. re-ply. I counter with, "Well, all I know about it is what I've just tn!d you." Of course, the inquirer's mentality is such that the conversation lags there and then W. s. According to the Boston Transcript and the Chicago f rerakl-Examiner, it is the prostrate gland. Not to Say Intrigued. Sir: it may Interest you to know that we have Junt received a communlrntion from Mr. Holsteln of Greyiuill. Wyomiunr, requesting a quotation on Cow Guleli Oil Sto--k. G. C. O. What, do von suppose, led Walk Tleiliing In rnnce in t'-e g;u-:ige husi-nijE.i husi-nijE.i In Nellie l 1.-, Wis. ? |