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Show MiscellGiAV liuuil)t ions I'amily. An 'dd fa i ni' i w ho, by lianl wi.rk and pa'i sinioniou.'. bablla. lifid rot t or. e titer a hill" fi-rtuno. deciud that the tim.- Imd :i t rii:th a i i i vd when be wart his 1 1 1 led In oideiini: a tintlU' .-airiai;e. Ih- went I,, M e.i,ii,u;e binhhr and devvri 1 tn de'all the kind of V.ddcle he Wl-bed to hue "Now. 1 ; oppose ion want rubber t in .: ,'" mm Id 1 lie can iaj;e buihh r. "'o. sir." li'pbrd 'In- rid fiO'lllcr lit ,;i.:i of i-f erlnii'iu. "Mv tolk;i ain't timt kin. I. li'-n IlK i'ie thhiii; liny want o know It," I .dinhui'ith N er;y Scotsman, l.;uln'i Idisl. Ilrojruc or X"ii. Mike, ,i New Yorker who never lo-'t 'hi;: bii.r.ie. ' a ' "nrr I hei r" i 1 1 1 t he . K, .',, nhd b!a wt companions happerie to . ,ni : t 1 1 : 1 i hi. -an and a : mo : c I in n, n, Tlie ... t o j a e 1 I I'd r ankee It !rl n U w-! llnie wit-, 1h,'ir lok i and lea t mr -l.iv Mike u as .-alU'd a ,i . and leTt , ,1 ,o, a nail "I lie I .' teal, mnl : ..I. I ' n in, ii.rlii", !,.,. w --o:. ' - . ar. I tan nppt n'l mitt V of ) pa Inl hu; a donkey's head on the bnek of Mike's coat. Tlio la.Uer soon returned and. looking first at his coat and then fixinc his eye on his fellow-fighter.-, said slowly; "l.e-gerra "l.e-gerra ! and which of you has wiped our lacj on my coat?" Unidentified. When You Call on Her. (What not to do In case you hadn't thought about it.) As down t he v illape 6 1 reel you wend To call upon your lady friend, l'e sure to ban ish H orn our m!nd The girls In France you'xo left behind. Of course you're fee ins 1" i ; 1 : of pep But that's the time to wa leli your slop, tSo Just remember, if you can, Vour sweet heart's name is not Suzanne.) Su-zanne.) The sanio old house, the same old hall, Tho sa nui old hat -rack on the wall, Tho same old hook to hang- your lid. The same oid greeting "Oh, you kid!" Then, if tho light is burning; low-, Kesnect fully sa.uto her so ! t Hut if you'U take a lip from me, You won't address her as Marie.) The same old-fashioned living- room, Tho same judicious depth of gloom. The same old couch you used to share. Tho same high-powered Morris i ha tr. Then let your arm around her st ray And love her in the same old way! t. lint as you tell her bow you feel. Just bear in mind she's not C.unillo.') A ssure her all tho girls in France With her would never stand a chance, A nd tell her since y on' vo been a w ay ou'o tliouglu about her, nig.it and day Hut just remember, first and last. You in u mi' t get to talking last, t l-'or if you do, you may forget And call your darling Antom,'tte!i Inform her that you didn't care To moot the ladies "Over There" And t hat you had no t imo to flirt t'l'hey kept you busy shoveling dirt) Oil. oven (hough it ma kos von Nick, Just lay tt on and spread It thick. tKut all tho time, if.i ,1us: as well If you don't call her vlahrioUe.) And when tho time draws near for bod--1 Ami dad Is grumbling overhead -And when yon leave her at the door And try to snea k a eon ole more-Then, more-Then, w hi o your bead is in a w hir!, ,1ns I tell her .--he's tho only girl! (Hut. If you want to cad ar.ain, I vn'l say, "ilood evenin"., Adi lenue 'A - Ibe Mess-Kit. No Help There. The school teacher bad punUhed 'I'ommv often for talking dun no. vohool. and she ,ociaed to iiotlfi Tomnii 's latimi of Mm son's lault. S follow ing n,o o,--port men t ma rk on his in t report writ'-tbi.-o words' 'Tommy talks a itreat deal " In due time tbe i' oil wan rrhiined wilh bbi father's slrnalno. and under n as W a it ten . " You ought to bear bis mo; her." Th Snppt r, A Narrow l.seape. The lrl-hman said. "The bullet ,m tn ino .-In:.! hei ... and o ei. out mo b i, ." "Hut," Haul Ihe fi lend, "it would hao gore through your heart and kiVed you." "Me heart was in me mouth at ire i time," said ;.o Irishman. The Civ.'istiiQ Intelligencer. , Tast Finding Out. Just how the courts arrive at r.3.? of their decisions is past all f'.ndirg- oat. A T'nited :ates court has just ru'.ed th.it :; a iew's-harp is a musical ins t,r;::;ie;it. Kansas City journal. It Was a Pipe. : First Tommy That's a top-ho'c I'ip. BV i . W h . re' d yon cot it? : Second Tomtrx Otie of the Hurs trifd to take ir.e pr :son or avd I i-ih"! :t t; from him. lv. is ilio Courier-Jout nal. J i |