| Show is f i NUt DOOLEY ON MIlt i SHELDONSNJBWSPAPERO I sec I said Mr Dooley that th laad out In Kansas that thrled to rrun a paper llko what th Lord wud rrun If 1 ho had to live in Topeka baa thrun up tir job Sun I nlver heerd Iv 1 him said Ulr ITennessy Veil twas this way with him Mr Dooley explained Ye see he didnt like Hi looks Iv tli newspapers lie got tired Iv 1 rreadln how many rows Iv plaits Mrs Potther Painmcr hud on L th las dhresg she bought an whether jFcGovern oughtnt to go Into th heavyweight class nn light JlfTeruys jan j-an he says says th laad Thls is i no right ivadin1 fr th1 pure an passionless youth lv J Kansas he says Give me ho says a chansl an Ill projoocc th kind lv organ thatll be got out In hlven he stays price fi i chits copy newsdealers fr he says fr alc be all nw adverlisln rates consult th cashier he ross So a man In Topeka that had si newspaper lie says I will not be behindhand he says in histln Kansas up front Its prJsInt low and Irrellgous position he says I dont know how th Inhabitants lv th place ye refer to Js fixed he says Tr newspapers he ays an I nlvcr heerd iv annybody frm Kansas homestakin1 there he guys but If yell attend to th circulation cir-culation Iv 1 thhn parts he says Ill 1 see that th paper Is properly placed in th hands Iv tit vile an wicked lv this earth where ho Bays th returns re-turns arro more Quick he says Well th laad wint at it an twas a line paper he made Hogan was Inhere In-here th other day with a copy iv It an I rread It I havent had such a Hthry threat since I was a watchman onth canal fr a week wIth nawlhln to rresfl but th delinquent lax list an Lh upftcr half iv a weather map iwas gran Th editor It seems Illnnissy whit Into Ih Cditoryal rooms iv ih paaper wIt he gathered th foorce around 6b l frm their reglur jobs in th dhnDr stores un says he Glntle men ha says Tell me yeer plans fr toJay he says Well bays th horse reporther theys a couple iv 1 rabbits goln to sprint around th thrack at th fair grouns he says I think twud be a good tiling f r relllglon 1C yod llnd me tin that I might brreak th sin thrallcd boolcys that come down here frm Kansas City fr to skin th righteous right-eous he ways No says th editor lie fay no horse racin In thIs paper he says Tin th roonatlon iv th young an ye cant beat It he says An you fnirhalrod youth he says what dye do that makes veer color so good an yeer eye so bright T says th laad am th boy l that writes th llghtln dope he days Theyse a couple Iv 1 good wans on at th opra j hoube tonight an If his spiklcts dont tincan tis like flmlln money in an or pout that FightlnV says tlip editor Is a crool an onchristyan spoort he says Mnsted Iv chroniolln th rudlyan Ism iv Chi e0 misguided wretches that weigh in at rh ring silo at 120 pouts an I see In a papur I reread In a barber shop Ui other day that Spikes gone away back whats that Im say In Nlvcr mind Dye go down tb th homo lv th nivrlnd Aloyslus Augustus Mornlnbinch an Interview him on th Question Iv mans cooperation with grace In conversion Make a nice chat Cy article about It an Ill give ye a copy iv wan lv me books I will says th laad Mf he dont swing on nu he sltysTb editor thin ad dhresscd th sniff Olntlemen he sty I llnd that tit wurruk yoVu been ac cuslomud to loin he says Is calc Ititod fr to deathroy th morality un debaseth home life iv Tupcku not to nilntlon th surruundln incthrolopuses lv l Valencia Wannnmkor Sugar Works Paxlco an Snokomu In says The newspaper Instead Iv beln a powerful agent fr th salvation I iv mankind has 1 become something that they vault to rread he says Yc can all go home he says Ill stay here tin write th paper mesllfl he sajrs Im th boat writer arround < 1 here annyhou an Ill give thlm something thatll prepare thin fr death hr SCAn SC-An he did Hinnlssy he did Twits a gran paper They was an article on I sewerage an wan tin pmym fh rain an another on munlcipal ncrship Iv gas tanks au wan to show that they niver was a good milker owned hu a profane man They was pomes too inanity lv thlm an line wans The Man wilh th Shovel The Man with I th1 Pick The Man with th Cnsh Ruygislcr Th Man with the SnowPlough Snow-Plough Th Man with lh Skate Th Man with No Kick Cumin Flue pocthry th editor askln who pushed this here mans fprehead back an planed down his chin who made him wear clothes that didnt lit him and got him a Job raisin eggplant fr yr mon nopollsls III Topeka at a dollar a day A man In th editors position ought to know but he didnt so hu ast In th pomes An th advertialn Illnnissy I Jd be scandalized fr to go back rcadin Hi common advertisin1 In th vile daily press about mens panting an Docs annyoneknowwhcrelcangeta biscuit an In thsprlng a young mans fancy lightly turns to Pocohontas plug not made by th thrusts Th editor left thlm sacrilegious advertisements fr his venal conthnprarks His was pious an nice Do yeer smokln in this wurruld Th Chrlstyan Unity Five Clnt Seegar is made out iv th finest J grades lv excelsior iver projooced In Kansas Xebuchedneziir grass seed fr man an1 beast A handful Iv meal in a barrel an a little lie In a curse Swodwiborglan bran fried in kerosene makes th best breakfast dish In th wurruld Iwas nice tll tread It made a man feel as If ho was in church asleep How did Ih1 pa = apol sthrlke th people peo-ple says ye Oh it sthruck thlm good Says th Topeka man sklnnln1 over th gossip about Chrlstyan citizenship an th toolchlst lv pothry VEIla hers a good papcr a line wan fr ye an Ih chll her SI ml Tommy down to th corner cor-ner sir get me u copy Iv th Polls Gazette Ga-zette Vo see Hlnnlssy th editor wlnt to th wrong shop fr what Hogan culls his Inspiration Father Kelly was talkln it over with me an pays he They aint anny news in hero good Ye might write Ih dolns Iv all th convents con-vents iv 1 th wunuld an th back iv a I postage stump and have room lo spare Supposln1 ye took out iv a newspaper all Hi mmdhers an suicides an divorces di-vorces an elopements anf fires an disease an war an famine he says ye wnddent have enough left to keep a man busy rrcadln hlli he rode arroun th block on th llBhlnln express ex-press No he says nown la sin an sin Is news and Im worth ony a line beglnnln Kelly at th parishhouse In th fiftieth year Iv 1 his age an pay fr that while Peanlans bad boy is I good fr a column anny time he goes dhrunk an tries to kill a pc > isniin A religious newspaper None Jv thlm fr me I want to know Mhuts goln on among th murdher an burglary seL Did yo riuad It he says I did says I What did ye think Iv It says he I know says 1 why more people dont go to church says I Copyright JfW by R II Russell |
