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Show 1'OLICK COf HT. His Honor Convicts a 1'alr or Local Criminal. Crim-inal. "William MeCuuo," said his honor as he mounted the judicial tripod this morning, "there is a very serious charge hanging over you. You are" "I plead not guilty," liilerpplatcd William. "Xot so fast, my gay lark of the bier-ras," bier-ras," reprovingly said the court, "or I'll sock it to you for contempt. This is no Denver layout. As I remarked, re-marked, you are charged with a grave offense.-. The prosecution sets up that you stole a ride from Grand Junction to this city in a car of merchandise. While I commend you for this effort to better your eoudition and change from purgatory to paradise, as it were, and would willingly discharge dis-charge you, there are evidences of conduct con-duct onyour part which are reprehensible, reprehen-sible, to" say the least. During your trip you not only rifled a keg of mackerel, mack-erel, but to quench your raging thirst you drank a gallon of maple syrup and devoured a case of tomatoes. I shall give yon twenty-live days as a gentle reminder that the majesty of the law in this territory is not to be trilled with." 'Taddy Boyle, this makes, oh! 1 don't know how many times you bavo been before me charged with filling your abdominal ab-dominal cavity with various alcoholic liqnifaotions. If you would confine yourself to drinking and sleeping you woidd avoid a great deal of pain and annoyance. Hut instead you insist upon singing 'Brennan on the Moor' and hit-tiug hit-tiug the wife of your bosom over the conk with a stocking tilled with gravel. Such conduct is not tolerated in other cities, and I don't propose to allow it here. You will be taken from this spot to the jail, where for twenty-live days you will borrow chewing tobacco from the warden, and yearn for a driuk of that which causcth a man to imagine himself a camel humping hump-ing himself toward the oasis of a never-ending never-ending clysiuiu." "'Tins court will now adjourn for the usual noonday ineal, after which we will decide whether ornotlhe Salvation battalion has any legal right to welt a bass drum and blow a cracked cornet on the streets in its effort to bring sinners sin-ners to grace." |