Show I The Hotel Clerk on Ancestry HuntIng e I Copyright BY 1907 IRVIN Company by S H COBB H McClure I It was a sad Bad thing that happened at said the Hotel Clerk the comic papers think sad nad ever happened happen d there said the House HOUie Detective of the Hotel Hot l St Reckless Well this was VaIl sad all right said the Hotel Botel Clerk In that historic city from which so many of our million millionaires millionaIres millionaires aires have come and come fast there are arC scores of or patrician faces still streaked with stains where the tear of distress coursed downward and made furrows through the native complex complexion lOll ion It started this way Larry Lam There was a young man with a u adean ar clean dean collar on that came to PittsbUrg rg and attracted some attention He Ke r went to the leading hotel and took the most expensive suite the one with the bathroom attached Then lie He sent ent out outu outa u a form of letter to the chivalry and beauty of the city he was tray trav cling ahead of the main show booking orders for presentations at the Court of St James Terms payable in ad ali advance adVance vance Come early earl and avoid the rush i Not responsible r for coats and umbrellas las Ins Line forms on the th left Take Ta e check and hold turn Did he git Sit any answers asked the House Detective I Well Vell not as many nany man as he expected j said the Hotel Clerk CJ rk At a comparatively early stage stafe of the tho negotiations the police pollee broke m n on the young man and took him to the only large public buding in Pittsburg Pitt burg that Andrew Carnegie help to build I refer to the jail But in his apartments y found upward of ZOO too replies from the best old Iron steel and smelting families and the cop at the thedoor thedoor thedoor door turned away a L squad of letter carri that tM at atthe atthe rs had just backed up I Ithe the curbstone with a truckload of be belated e hated answers marked Urgent in Haste from fron the outlying suburban villas It looked like hike every prominent that had succeeded In trading his hill hi union card In the I union for fora forfa a was willing willingto to pay pa a for the sweet swe t I boon oon of appearing at St James I un understand understand I that its a splendid thing for all concerned when wham a fleshy party from the west and the lady lad members member I of his household can rig up like they were going to a fancy fanc dress ball and enter a large roomy room or English draw drawing drawIng ing lag room full of ladles ladies In waiting though thought I dont know what It is they wait walt Or r unless ss Its a beauty doctor and advance to a raised platform on stands a regal form measuring five feet three In height and the same around ar Iund the center and they bow low 10 tok his majesty who favors them by byJ byI byJ I J f J i j I glancing kindly over their heads and then they back dut of the royal pres presence presence presence ence like a bunch of scary yearlings emerging from a stock stork car aI am amI come home and lag brag 11 ag From Froni what I can gather pretty nearly every European f ruler looks hooks like a pineapple cheese or has an intellect like one yet et theres always a large annual output of Amer American American Amerlean ican lean millionaires spending pending time and money trying to keep out of the United States courts and get into the Euro European European European ones Them Pittsburg plates must be easy money said the House Detec Detective tIe tive Oh I dont know said the Hot l Clerk If the young oung gentleman g with the to S St s1 t James had only stopped over In New York and put his scheme on there the resulting corre correspondence correspondence correspondence would have swamped the tho th l general postoffice inside of ot hours Or he could have shut his eyes and picked out any town in the United States that big enough to have a horse show and hed abeen abee surprised at nt the prompt response accorded to his attractive proposition by the elite pf the community You may recall Larry Laro that It was In our own midst where the lady lately y had the litigation with the gentleman who tracked down her ancestor ancestors tol tr her hur She wanted to join a new patriot I t ic ie society Which required of the can candidate candidate candidate for membership a royal ancestry and about in cash So she wrote to an expert that did and asked for a neat royal family tree something suitable for a lady of me inc medium height and inclined to be stout with light complexion and blue ey eYO a aSo So he lie went through the stock and did his best to find a pedigree that would match He traced her back through Henry the Eighth who was no slouch of a family man himself to Alfred the Great I think it was vas But when the hie I applicant nt tendered the contents of i ir r morgue to the committee on creden credentials she he was turned down A lady who enjo enjoyed ed a straight not to say ab abrupt abrupt abrupt rupt descent from Canute C nute discovered that the tho had rung in a bum king out of the wrong deck So they had a lawsuit which brought out the interesting fact fart that we ac now have In this republic a growing class among amon whom the pedigree comes In as tho th ho appendix goes out Weve a progress progressIve lye Ive race Larry Laro In lii one generation the family legs are seen r en In the original Black Crook chorus and in the next the family arms are prominently dis displayed displayed played oVer er the onyx mantelpiece And yit this is the country where were supposed to hate emperors and ard kings and all al them sort of things said sad the tho House Detective Detective We e do said Baid the Hotel Clerk We Wedo Wedo Wedo do hate hato em only for the sake of hos lies hospitality hospital pital we Wt disguise our feelings when they come como over to examine our public Institutions such as Newport and Lenox and the Royal Roal Poinciana Poinciana hotel at Palm Beach When seven or eight hundred thousand of us New Yorkers turns out and stand on each tach others feet for fol several hours and have hava our while faces altered alered by policemen for a young member of a royal roal house to drive past In a closed carriage on aia ais Is way way to the Millionaires club for fora a taste tate of democracy think maybe that we are rey reya rea a taste for democracy But Bu no 10 Outwardly we may show shO sho en but Inwardly we are ra con 01 with wih the deepest loathing and contempt Ah Alt Al jou ou cant that lope dope l le Mr Mi 11 McBean said the House Detective If I true te what do these tese guys keep on them th m foolish foo societies for forth th A O 0 H and the G A R Rought R Rought ought to satisfy anybody that wants wat to join Well Vell VeI its Is a catching disease said paid sald the Hotel Clerk and devastating In inita its ita effects The bitterest enemy of o the lie monarchies of the old world that weve got ot It always ready redy to throw his chest out in a dormer effect when his wife wie secures the documentary vi dence denee that will wl enable her to enroll In Inthe Inthe inthe the of the Crime of Seventy three or the Continental Dams Dam or The Order of the Landed Gentry of Ellis EI Island or some one or another of the varieties that we wo now no have Im In 11 qualified myself Larry There Theres s rich foreign blood flowing through my veins I was vaccinated off of an im imported Import Imported ported port d bull bul calf But I dont crave such honors though Ive Ive been toUl told its a grand thing to be absolutely sine Pine lie youre oure a descendant descend t and have ha hai embossed I I papers in the house to prove grove It ItI ItI itI I met one of the leading sharps the other day at a studio tea Larry a lady sharp this one was wa and the most violent kind Th v told me she was wa a leader of society and ad so she will wi be any ay time turns around and starts back bak bk the other othor way One of her ancestors ancestor on the Ice Ico with George Washington Or maybe It I was Eliza Elza he crossed Uit she was sas dark Anyhow i It counts her the same ame as a big bis bl casino among he the real descendants My Iy lu lii lt erry friend Watkins Watkins was there and after hed conversed with wih her he wrote a poem on the subject a dialect poem Here it i is he gave me a copy co coTo To a man up a tree not a tree tree Says Sas Uncle Dudley DUdle Jones to tome tomeI me It I pears pear quid jest now here he turned his hia That the ancestry busness Is overdid o U In a land like this thi where a mans man i granddad Its Is lowed lowe stole all al be he had hail From the savages Its Is blame pore taste tate And of time and talents talent and cash cesh ch a waste wata To be always to prove a kid Come of better beter stock n his parents par nt did Why Wh in my m day son as a usual thing Foks their energies ener le more by Jing To the on I Than to with them that was w dead and gone And It the thing not then To be lookin Camby arms right when The legs leg a chance To git gt inside of a new pair pall of pants These chaps jest jet go crazy Cr and and If I they the aint got g fittin to be Swung in the lambs Iambs of a tree tre Bust Dust Into a graveyard like as a not And Ad scratch around till ti they git em a alot alot lot lotOf lotOf lotOf 1 Of nice remainders of folks deceased d Which is petty pett larceny to say the least And next ne t thing you know up and use usey My y kin or yourn or the Lord knows whose hose hoseAs As their Gas Cas Ca that kind lies hex The nerve n of a lion lon aa as a the feller se hats a poor poem says sas the House Hous Detective it Well Wel he had a poor subject said sahi sad the Ule Ui Hote Clerk t t |