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Show IMLHGS. It hi nothing for a Daveni.Tt ( to swallow ten peach stones. Gov. Dti can hunt longer without killing a single snipe than any other tjveruor in America. In Wisconsin they will pardon an inuojent man alter be has been in the State I'risou seven years. Is it possible that there can be such a thing its an epidemic among rer-jr-voirs.' aks a contemporary. A modern proverb The man who does not hang out his shingle and advertise ad-vertise dies and leaves no sign. The New York -Vtil has a headim-culled headim-culled "Tickings and Stealings," but it seems to steal more than it picks. The aim shines and tho rain descends des-cends upon Toledo just as often as anywhere- else, but scientists can give no reason why. It is the duty of every mother to keep her children washed and dressed and combed and ready to be abducted at any moment. An old lady in XewUanipohire,10L" years old, is said to have recently had a molar extracted with the hopes 01 getting rid of the toothache. Cleveland men seldom move to any other city. They get used to one sort of tug and factory whistling, and a change would affect their health. What's the use of the rest ot lis howling for increase! educational facilities when a Boston man hangs out the sign: "Turtel supo hear." Some of the odors amellable in Milwaukee can be cut up into chunks properly labe'led and used to knock strangers down with. So says the Glass eyes are cheaper now than for twonty-five years before, and the prudent man will lay in his Winter's stock and feel a burden rolled off his shoulders. Women have become so plentiful in Nevada that a cress-eyed female with her front teeth out is allowed to shoulder her own trunk and carry it to the hotel. Suicides are to bo deplored, but if a fellow'a rich, uncle feels that ho must die that way, one must endeavor to bear up under the distressing circumstances. cir-cumstances. The new postal cards are going to be go good looking that it wili be esteemed an honor to receive one from a tailor whose bill was due six months beiore. , It is said to be a poor rule that will not work both ways. The proverb says "silence gives assent." A distinguished dis-tinguished wronaut says "ascent brings silence." Barnum says he hasn't a doubl that tho easterly current exists, but no live paper will crowd out any ol the Beecber scandal in order to give his theories space. When a man con bite off the nasal organ of a citizen ofOtnaha and settle the case for $S.75, he is foolish to ' mortgage his furniture for the sake of going to Saratoga. A Bure cure for a sotting hen put her on live clams instead of eggs. As the clams begin to get warm they open their shells, and the hen don't go on that nest the second time. Texas can't get much ahead uf Massachusetts. In Texas eight men out of ten are "Colonels," but in Massachusetts, nine men out ol ten answer prompt when n person shouts "Professor." Susan B. Anthony says she is only fifty-rive, and she brands all the stories about her having , been in tho ark as infernal lies. Any one who sayB she is over fifty-five must pass over her dead body after the figures. |