Show I SOME Goon SHORT STORltS He Thud t Eve It Cleveland Plan Dealer A io real estate dealer tells thIs story Some time ago he had an allotment on the market and one day a foreign looking individual walked into his office and sad he wanted to Inquire about the lot He looked over the plot and finally picked out one that suited him fnaly Vets der price he asked when the location was decided upon Eight hundred dollars I give you see houdre cash Very well said the dealer you ca have it Then the customer lowered his voice I rant dec brice of dot lot see houndred to me but eight houn red to efferybody else You understand 7 eferbody the deafer that wl be all right VeIl you see Its lie deesIm go in to get married Iye got dec girt picked ot und she has money You see you vl sell Ocr tot to her for eight houndrd dollars Den you vl motion to me udve1 go into der next 10pm und you vi bay me dot two houndrd dollars Seo dolas You want the 20 for a commi don said the dealer That will be all rh too The customer looked relieved Its choost this way he sad I must have dot two houndred or I cant get married You shall have It sad the denier A few days later the future bride her mother and the coming bridegroom entered en-tered the office The papers were quickly prepared and signed and the mother from the intricacies of her skirts produced a wad of hilts which prQed to be the ncsga wa eIght hundred hun-dred Then the bridegroom lingered behind mother passed in as the bride and her pase to the hal The dealer hastily counted off the two hundred and thrust It into the bridegrooms hand I have to have i whispered the hatter laterAl All right sad the dea r I couldnt get married without it r understand sad the dealer The man with the two hudrcd paused paus-ed with his hand on the door knob I have to have it he hoarsely murmured mur-mured It is for my first wifes funeral fu-neral expense Then he went out i Fitst Book Kipling has himself told the story of his trt book when a demand mane from the public for a collection of hIs ditties He has Tltel A real book WaS out of the question but I knew that RuknDin and the office plant were at my disposal at a price if I did not usa the otce time Also 1 had handled in the previous yea a couple of small books or which I was part owner and had lost nothing So there was built a sort of a book a lean oblong ob-long docket iresttche to Imitate a D O govErnment envelope printed on one side only bound In brown ae andsecured with red tape I was addressed seur dressed to all heads of dCDatments officials and among and all government ofcal of would have deceived a a pie paper deive ererk of twenty year serice Of thee and books we made some hundreds as thee WaS no necessity for advets to hand I took Ing my public being my tok I reply postcards printed the stews of the I birth of the book on one side the blank I order for on the other and DSte them up and down the empire from Aden to Singapore and from Quetta to Colombo There was no trade dIscount no reckoning reck-oning twelves as thirteens no commission commis-sion and no credit of any kind whatever what-ever The money came back In poor but honest rupees and wag transferred from the publisher the lehand pocket direct to the author the rigimt hand pocket Even copy sold In a few weeks and thE ratio of eXenses to profits a I remember it has since prevented I pre-vented my injuring my health by sympathizing sym-pathizing with pubshers who talk of their risks and advertisements adverisements Too Literal For Her New York Tribune In her RemInIscences Mrs Julia that Charles Sumnet Ward Howe says Ihar Sumne had little sense of humor and was not at home in the sal cutandthrst skirmishes of generl society He was mae for serous Issue and for great contests which then lay unguessed before be-fore him Of his lIteralness some amusing amus-Ing anecdotes he ben told At an official bal In Washington he remarke to a young woman who stood be de him Ve are fortunate In having thee places far standing he We shall see the first entrance of the new English and French minister Into I Washington society The young woman replied r a glad the fee to hear i I like t see lions break j I Sumner was silent for a few moments I mo-ments but presently said Miss in the country where lions live thee I Is no ice i I What ae Wanted H Wated Detroit Tribune i A stranger dropped into one of the I Woodward avenue gofie the other day ad inquired of the clerk if he ha any nuts The clerk answered in the affirmativet answere i What kind do you want he asked I dont know just name them over i to nie will you Well we have hickory nuts pecans I beech walnuts almonds peanuts n i he rattled off a number of other varieties varie-ties but the stranger shook hIs head Filberts suggested the clerk No something like that but not Ill btS Buteruts I The stranger smiled Thats it thank you I How may do you want asked I I the clerk 1 dot want any rye ben trng to think of the name af tht street I for al hour and thought tat wuid be a goo scheme to help me out I i want to get to Butternut street what I car do I tae II I I Plugging For Tobacco House Detroit Tribune There is a story going around about a well known actor who during a recent re-cent snowstorm lost his rubbers but I fortunately found a pair in the lower I drawer of the washstand at his hotel The fitted and he started out thankIng thank-Ing the forgetful person who had left them A friend who happened to walk behind him fo a short distance aled him and asked a aske How long have you been in the ad a yetsing business What do you mean asked the Wl3t actor Just look at YOlr footprints i the sow and youl seeThe see-The actor did so and read Chew Blooms Bet Plug I deyelaed that some clever traveling man b invented a pair of rubbers with a rub her stamp on the bottom the l rbI being reversed so as to print the name I of his principal line or gods in the emmett The actor had bean uneomi sciously plugging for the tobacco manufacturers man-ufacturers |