Show A LITTLE OLD NIGGER He Outwitted the Squirrels but not the Court I I INGENUITY OF THE CULLUD RACE J 11 t lOpIe P Read + Gives an Amusing Sketch K Stoning fa Characteristic of the I Darkey Race For TIlE SUNDAY HERALD Copyrighted One of the most pronounced characteristics character-istics of the southern negro is his amusingly amus-ingly unhappy knack of excusing a criminal crimi-nal act committed by himself No matter i how squarely confronted ho may be and r no maiter how plain his guilt may be made to appear he never fails to catch at the F very last thread t of excuse I had an opportunity portunity for studying this peculiarly colored characteristic While visiting a I crossroads community in Mississippi I was invited to attend a trial that promised to stir up the most refined circles in negro society On the day of the opening of the trial anyone passing through tile neighborhood neighbor-hood might have thought that the President Presi-dent of the United States had just arrived and was holding a general reception The cotton pickers flocking from the fields marched to ward an old camp ground where the trial was to be held The court assembled under the trees The judge sat down behind a slab stable and be be t i CAN i SIT DOWJT gan to thumb a greasy book the township constable threw stone at a thin sow an old family mare kicked a negro boy into a whirling streak of black the prosecuting attorney blew his nose with a loud snort and then the court was declared opened Pretty soon a little old negro was brought into the circle He was a wiry old rascal and was comical in expression despite a look of extreme trouble that had settled on his face Mus I set down 1 he asked nodding at the judge Sit pown said the judge Thankee sah thankee Want spectn sich perllteness on dis day but I ere em say dat perllteness aint lost eben ef you show it ter er goat but I doan know bout dat fur one day I met ole Mr Goat in do road an I bowed ter him I did an jest den de scoundul hauled off and butted me offen de face o de Lawd ul miijhtys yeth That will do exclaimed the judge Ef you says it will do sah I knows in reason dat it will the prisoner replied I allus pays er tention ter whut you tells me Sorter likes you no how The great crowd of negroes pressed forward for-ward expecting every minute to see the old fellow hanged and some of the women had begun to groan out a swinging chant when the judge demanded silence Allen Pruett said the judge Dats my name sah the prisoner replied re-plied I dun been named dat ever sense I Kin ricolleck Mammy tolo me dat da wuz gwine name me John at onetime atterUnk John dat uster sell shuck collars but de old generman sorter fooled roun er white pus n hn nn nn ht n n to n n ill sons uVb pen one U6UU an sor U r bVU > V IIJ o1 buck shot dat da had ter drag him erway w id er yoke o steers Dats de reason da didnt name me John sab Never mind < ahout that the prosecuting prosecut-ing attorney spoke up Oh I aint mindin er bout it sah caze Allen suits me jest ez well ez John I All right then Allen You are charged with two criminal assaults committed upon up-on the body of one Sandy Shelton Oh I knows who you mean sah You mean ole bowlaig Sandy I knows him mighty well fur me an him wuz er bout ter marl in de same famly once Putty good man Sandy wuz too fling you down in er minit ef yo holt brokeN broke-N eer mind about that The indictment e states that you took a number of sharp instruments I in-struments presumably knife blades and drove them in the top rail of a fence where the said Sandy was in the habit of climbing climb-ing over and that Sandy climbed over at that place and cut himself fearfully That is one indictment What have you to say about iU The old fellow jolted himself with a grunt h Now dats er strange thing I thought dis yere wuz er free country but of it aint wy I is willm ter go an lib summers else Man kaint kill er few squirrels widout de white folks come er dictin him Kill a few squirrels exclaimed the judge Yas sah Now lemme tell you Some folks likes ter shoot squirrels but I doan De way I does is dis Drive some knife blades in de top rail o de fence an sharpen em ez keen ez you kin Den go down de fence an sorter mosey roun till you git er squirrel on de fence an skeel him an make him run up de fence all time on de top rail an wen he gits ter de knife blades he aint gwine see em but will run er gin em an rip hisself wide open Den you aint only got do squirrel dead but you got him mighty nigh cleaned All you got ter do is ter snatch de jacket often him Now sah I had been killin squirrels dar all day an ez tended ter come back in de morn in ier git some fine ones fur the prosecutin turney herean I want gwine charge him a cent fur em nuther I thought it wouldnt be wuth while ter take the knife blades out but long in the ebenin yere come po Mr Sandy a de Lawd knows I lub dat pussonan cuts hissef mightly da tells me Doan you see it want no fault o mine Doan you see dat I is jest ez inner cent as coy chile W I sNOW w f f r SOW LCWIE TELL TOU BOUT DAT But why did you put the blades in the exact place where Sandy gets over the fence fenceNow lem me tell you dat in killin c squirrels you got ter go whar de squirrels is Ineber could kill no squirrels whar dar want none And you say that the squirrels run against the knives and kill themselves Yes sah jes ripped dasefs wide open Wy I tell you da wuz almos ready ter fry when da fell offen de fence an oughter sea dem squirrels whut I wuz gwine fetch P you Mr Turney So fat da couldnt hardly I H wz 1 waller an I want goin < ter charge you nuthing fur em nuther That is a very likely story Allen but is there any one else here that ever killed squirrels that way The prosecuting attorney appealed to the audience but no one responded Oh I kint hap it ef nobody else aint ez smart ez I is said the prisoner I kin do er good many things dat deze year folks doan know nuthin er bout Well said the prosecuting attorney we will let that indictment go for the present and take up the other one Not satisfied with the terrible laceration inflicted in-flicted by the knife blades you went to Sandys corn crib and fixed an old musket so that any one opening the door of the crib would discharge the thing Sandy on reaching home where he lived alone went to the crib to get some corn to feed his hogs He was bleeding and was just able to walk He opened the crib door and then what happened An awful charge of shot was poured into his legs The neighbors neigh-bors say that you put the gun there What have you to say about itJ Now lemme tell you bout date 0 cose I put do gun dar I had er right ter do it an fur why Some time er go I noticed dat de folks had been er stealing my con I wucked hard fur dat con an I couldnt er ford ter let it go dat er way so I put de gun in dar How did I know who wuz er comm dad Man comes an shoots hissef it aint my fault I didnt think dat er hones man wuz gwine git hurt Pusson got er right ter take kere of his con I reckon Yes but why did you put the gun in Sandys crib You had no corn there Huh < You heard what I said Why did you put a gun in Sandys crib1 1 Dat is cuis but it waz dis er way It was er monstus dark night an I thought dat waz my crib How can that be when you live at least I a mile from Sandys place Sahl You heard what I said How did you mistake his crib for yours when you were a mile away from home Dat is cuis sho an I hates ter knowledge knowl-edge it but I want right bright in my mine at de time You see er passul 0 us had beenober tel ole Jinnys ter er quiltin an do good ole soul dat she is sot out some monstus strong blackberry brandy an I drinked er good deal o it an I didnt know when I come tel my house It want my fault I kin tell you dat Here is old Aunt Jinny now said the prosecuting attorney We will ask her if you were at her house 3 V r I I 1 a e f i j t I I l 11 t s Ill 7 r 1 V XEDST CALL DAT LADY Hol on sah Now Aunt Jinny is er mighty good lady but she aint right bright in her mine and neber wuz De doctor tole me she dun los her recollection What doctor Lemme see looking round Dr Spinner Are you sure Y Yes sah I knows All right Dr Spinner will be here in a few minutes and we will ask him Say lemma tell you bout dat white man He dun los his recollection too How do you know Wy sah I knows it bYdis lack L barred bar-red er dollar frum him some time or goad go-ad he doan ricolleck dat I paid him Doan ax dat man caze he doan know I dont think that it is necessary to proceed further with this trial saiu the judgeWe We will bind the prisoner over to appear ap-pear before the grand jury For a few moments the prisoner sat in silence After a while he looked up with an expression of disgust on his face and said Man kaint kill er few squirrels lessen les-sen da binds him ober ter de july Man kaint put er gun in his crib ter perteck his property lessen da binds him ober ter de jury White folks wants er nigger ter vote but da doan want him ter take kere o his property Dis whole thing is er trick ergin me Deze white folks leered dat lessen da sen me ter de pennytencby I gwine be lected ter some high office Its all vanity and jealousness One P READ |