Show Common Sense Ideas Ideas in Marriage Ma By Ella Ela Wheeler Wilcox I Copyright 1810 1910 f by the New York I Evening Journ l Publishing Co Happiness In married maried life is to b i gained just as enduring happiness in in any phase phae of existence on arth earth is to tobe tc tobe be found by b the use of the virtues of unselfishness consid consideration conid consideration erton for others politeness and kindness all al based on love and capped by common sense nse Like the old recipe for cooking the hare bare which begins First Firt catch your hare a happy marriage for a woman begins with wih First Firt select a man not an seraph serph not an ossified brain brin nota mere animal anima but a nan capable of loving and ad appreciating a womans love Of course coure he will wil be more or less es selfish That 5 Is 5 the way parents parent rear their sons to be It I is your our task to bear with wih this selfishness at first frt until you OU can cn tactfully teach him how beau beautiful beautiful is tho thoughtfulness for others and md andin andIn in a very ver sweet but very veT ver dignified way show him that you OU expect the same treatment you give In the meantime you OU must recollect that you are a faulty fauly woman and probably spoiled by your parents parent if you are an American woman and you must not assume a superior air over ver your husband when you find out his hs faults fault merely because they are unlike your joUr own Mutual 1 I l t Society Whenever he does or says sa anything which annoys anno g or pains you ou say s to yourself I must avoid ever saying or doing that in my treatment of him Then some day da when he tells you ou of a a fault faul you OU possess posses put your arm tr about his shoulders shoulder and say 53 Let us ts s I enter into a mutual mut al improvement so society S society I want to be everything you jOU admire you want to be everything b I admire I 1 will wi try trl tT and do my part part and you ou must do yours jour We Ve are business asso associates aso for life in Gods Great Syndi Syndicate S Syndicate cate of Love let us work ork together for fora a perfectly happy marriage mariage If I your jour husband has ha whims harm harmless harmless less les whims such as a wanting his meals at certain cerin hours hour promptly or wanting you OU to bready on 01 time when wheE you ou are going him out make every ever effort efort to gratify himBe Be willing to sacrifice yourself to some extent to do this but if YOU vou do doas dOas doas as he wishes eight times without ary m word of approval from him im and fail fai twice and he Is i irritable in conse consequence consequence consequence quence remind him gently genty of his lack I of ot or reasonableness and tell tel him that you u need encouragement for your our good deeds as well wel as reproofs for your shortcomings Then Ten persist in your our efforts efort to please plea him Believe Belee in your husband and ad expect him to be everything your our heart ert de desires desires e sires Say Sy to yourself every eer day da that I he loves loes you jOU that he lie is good go d loyal kind worthy and ad successful successful Praise Prise him hi sympathize with wih his business sa lire life his hs aims aims pleasure and occupations Be his friend and comrade as well wel as a his sweetheart and Remember that a woman makes the atmosphere of the home homert rt rut Make Allowances I have seen a cheerful optimistic woman who saw sw a humorous side to every ever trouble in life utterly transform a gloomy and fretful natured man into a jolly joly and being cheer If It I a man is certain cerin he will wi had find peace mirthfulness order sym sympathy sympathy sympathy pathy and ad love loye at home he is certain ceraIn to set his sail sl for that tat port with the same anticipation with which the mar iner met seeks his own ow harbor habor after a stormy voyage vO ge Of course coure we must make malc allowances for the occasional lawless and drunk drank drunken en mariner who sends his ship on the rocks rock and ad the te worthless husband who does doe not appreciate lifes best gifts git There are men who no woman on n Gods earth earh could keep loyal or honest but they are exceptions lons Be clean neat and coquettish In your OUr dress dres at home and ad in the privacy of your our rooms with wih your husband Never let him see you OU in soiled ur r careless garments grent and let him realize tactfully that tat you expect the same ame refinements from him Nothing is commonplace in the daily daly associations of life to two persons verns who love loye each fach tach other if they do not allow alow themselves to fall fal into vulgarities Mystery romance and charm can cn hang hanl forever about the wife as a well wel as about the mistress If the wife so chooses The Te husband can c n always at atee every ee approach be the Prince Charm CharmIng Char Charming Ing to anchor the enchanted Princess Princ ss with wih his first fr kiss if he is skilled skied enough in loves arts art and refined enough to wish to the role keep te interesting And in all al loves ways man is much given to following womans lead If I you jOU possess no independent in fn income income come of your Our own have an under understanding standing st in your our honeymoon hone moon with wih re ro regard re gard to money matters maters Ask Ak for an allowance to be set apart I for your use us in order that no humiliating humi humiliating and indelicate discussions need n ed ever eyer occur between you OU on this sub subject subject subject Then study to be economical and thrifty and wise in your use of your jour allowance Lo and patience These are the three important elements necessary necessary sary sr to happiness in marriage Much has ha been said and written of ot the woman who keeps her little wor worries worries ries nez and troubles of the kitchen kichen and nursery to entertain her husband with wih when he returns home after business I hours h urs She has been chided and urged to remember how much her husband needs her cheerful face to greet geet him himat himat himat at home and her bright hopeful con 1 I version to drive away the tho to load of cares cres which beset his hi weary wear mind mindl I All l this Is very ver true tue There are al always a always I ways women who forget torget that mans business life is not one perpetual fete I I and that tat his home is frequently the only place to which he hO h can cn turn tur for real rest and peace of mind But observation impresses upon my mind the Conviction that very yel few business busine men Cleave leave their office and shop worries and anxieties behind them when they enter the domestic door at eventide They hey catry cr them tem into the home and expect the wife wie to be entertained with wit them If she endeavors to change the subject subject they feel that tat she is not in interested inter ter sted In their affairs and ad that tat she is heartless and indifferent If I they do not talk their worries at atho home ho e they act them which is quite quie as bad if i not worse wore woren It n is ts of course coure a duty and a pleas pleasure ure for a sympathetic wife to soothe sooth I and cheer and distract a mans mind from care cre but it i is equally a thought thoughtful ful mans duty to save a wife all al the te unnecessary worry possible Nothing Noting weakens a character sooner than the habit of taking all al its it troubles to another life to bear vicariously and ignoring its it own duty for s cheerfulness and courage The coming home of a man whom a woman loves is I the event of f the day for her no matter mater how full ful her life may be of agreeable duties or social pleasures If I four or five days out of the six week weel days he comes comes home with the te blues just so many days are spoiled for her If she is continually called cled upon to sImulate and sympathize and cheer the strata strain upon her vital vial and spiritual forces becomes exhausting and the character of the man grows surely surel if l I unconsciously wei weer ker by bj the process A wife creates the atmosphere of the home but the husband must do dohis dohis dohis his part as a well weI If sunshine is to pre prevail prevail vail vaI there Its it rays rys will wi be dimmed if he persists perit in transforming himself Into a large black blak cloud or a bank bak of fop fog for It I is a relief now and ad then ten for tor i a p wife wie to tell teU her husband all aU the vexations ve vexations tons of o the day Wd nd to have his hi sym sympathetic S sympathetic pathetic counsel arid and a d just so on oc occasions it is a comfort comfor for a man to take his troubles home to a loving lovig mate and ad talk them tem over oer But it Is a mistake when either settles great grea eiter one Into the habit of loading the others oters shoulders shoulder with wih a burden burde of worries described or unexpressed And Ad I fear In these days this grave error eror is made more frequently by the te huband hu band than by the wife wie Many lIany a time the head of the house household household household hold imagines he is doing all al his duty futy by working incessantly and keeping leeping his family In comfort comfor or luxury If I he exhausts ehaust all al of his hope and cheerfulness in his labor and has ha noth nothing nothIng nothing ing to take home to his family but his hi depression and he is do doing doing doIng ing his wife wie and an children a a greater injury than he would if he worked less and provided them theta with fewer ma material material material benefits A hOme needs something besides re receipted bills his to render it a happy haven for a family Lean Len on tn thyself tel yet prop thyself with Prayer Frer For there are spirits Messengers of Light LIght Who Wo come at call cl and fortify thy strength There are relatives or members of your family who to use your own ex ox expression e perhaps get on your nerves They annoy you In a thou thousand thousand sand sd and one small smal ways ways Their man manners manner nero ners ner their habits habit their voices their ideas ide all al render them tem uncongenial to you And so life Ufe is a constant discord But this situation are you meeting with wih all al that Is tolerant and large minded minded and wholesome and kind in your nature Do you try t to make these people feel that tat you are kindly disposed toward them that tat you have their best inter interests interest interests ests est at heart hear that you admire what whatever whatever ever eer is admirable admi ble in them and that you sympathize with wih their dearest aims alms and ambitions even If you disapprove of some things they the do Only by such an attitude of mind can cn you ever hope to render the situ situation sIu situation alon less les insupportable or to Influence ence ernie them tem to be what you you desire Sinning Against Yourself If It you are nagging sarcastic con contemptuous contemptuous contemptuous irritable cold sullen suilen or in indifferent indifferent different to those tose who annoy you then you are making a bad matter mater wore worse and you are wasting beautiful life lile and valuable mental forces in a mean and Ignoble igno le manner I You are sinning against yourself even more than tan these tese people are sin Fin Finning fin finning sinning I ning against you If I the individual who disappoints disappoint you jOU is i your wife or your husband huband are you ou doing doin all al In your power to better beter the condition Remember It i is the te most vitally im matter mater In your life In two lives and if there tere are children in their lives also The man who marries maries a woman he loves and who vho loves him and who falls fails tais to keep her and happy is either eiter a vicious flous or a weak man manThe man manThe The Te woman oman who falls fails fais to keep her husband husbad happy and in love with wih her is s either a vicious or a a weak woman woma Somewhere there tere Is a weak point point You should have a quiet talk with yourself and find out where you failed and if it i Is not too late try tr to mend the broken link In loves chain chan or put in a new link Ink InkI If I you OU are running about to your neighbors neIghbor for consolation talking about your our domestic disappointments you are assuredly weak and you are not meeting this great geat problem with the te strength and pride demanded by y the te situation An Imperative Obligation The Invisible Helpers who stand very ver near ner a soul in trouble should be the only Intermediaries between hus hue band and wife Go G alone Into your jour room rom sit very ver quietly and ask ak these tese Divine Friends Fiends to come to your aid id they the are re messengers of God and will wi give you light and understanding when you oU are at the limit of your Jour own strength Unless you have asked such guid guidance guidance gid ance and felt your whole being go ijo forth for In the t e demand for light you have not done all al you could or should to better beter the situation Are you doing what you can cn and all al you ou should for those nearest you OU in n a financial way Are Ae you taking care cre not to overdo for others It I Is your first frt obligation before you give gie to public charities chartes or foreign mis or make a display in the world to see that tat you have no relatives who are in need or liable la le to become public charges charges If I every er man and woman attended to this duty dut there tere would be no need of or homes for paupers pauper But But it i is just as imperative an gation do tat ou not make paupers pauper by supporting people who are able to work and who lose all al moral morl fibre and all al strength of character by having you OU pay their bills bis and assume aume their obligations A rich man is often ofen the te worst wort enemy of his own ow children when h he he air allows ws them to grow gOW up UD without lel le ance or a sense of ot bit How are ae you all al these rob lems hems of ot life theE Are you doing the best bes you can cn Oh you who mourn about dark sorrows What W at part have you in bringing bright Tomorrows |